Lebanon
April 26— 1766
Rvd
& Dear
Sir
I take this Method to lay before you wt I was latly mentioning of my Experiences since I left you laſt fall. I shall
uſe all poſible Brevity, and ye
utmoſt
openeſs, in expreſsing
ye Real Sentiments of my mind, in ye Time of theſe Experiences.
about two years ago I had an oppertunity to read [illegible], ^ye Letters on Theron &
Aſpaſio^
wc
servd me no other Purpoſe
yn to give me an invetrate Prejudice
againſt
againſt
ye Author of ym. when I was down laſt fall I began to read him again with ye
diſadvantage of ye Same Prejud[illegible]ice I had before imbibed. I
had Time to read but a Smal part of his firſt Volume before I began my Journey in Proſecution of my miſion
[illegible] among ye Natives, to ye
Weſtward.
however I had read So far as to Set me a thinking
on his difinition of Faith. before I reached
Albany
it
once, and y
t for y
e
firſt Time, came into my mind y
t
y
e faith y
r
Diſcribed, might be y
e faith of Gods Elect.
I See y
t in Caſe it was so, a Train of Conſequences
w
ld
folow
w
h were Extreamly
Diſagreable to me, yet in
some meaſure
aprihend
^ing^
y
e Importance of my Knowing
the Truth, with regard to y
e Nature of faith, I determined
[illegible] as Soon as my Buiſeneſs would permit to Examine
the Scripture thorowly on y
t head. w
n I got as far
as
Kanajoharry I was obliged to waite about three Weeks for
a Road and Company to
Onoida. Moſt of y
e
Leaſure I
had here, I Spent in Reading the Scripture with an
Intent to find
out w
t
^ye^ faith somuch
Inſiſted on In Script
ture and by Divines, truly contains. W
n I come to
read y
e
Goſple of John, and other Parts of y
e New Teſtament,
and to look Back to y
e faith of y
e
Antien
sts
Quoated from
y
e Old Teſtament, I became fully convincd
y
t the Word
Believe, so frequently uſd in Scripture, is yr
uſd in its
moſt plain and commone
Senſe; and yt
[illegible]
^ye^ faith
uſed as a Synonimy with Believe; and So frequently connected with
eternal[illegible] Life, is a Plain,
every-day-Belief, of [illegible][guess: ye] Truths Record in ye Word of God. Having Got thus far, I began to be greatly Exerciſed about wt, would be my finale Exit, and eternal State in ye World of Spirits.
My whole Query was, how Sll I find ye Truths wh give Life, to every one who believes ym. My firſt thought was yt
ye
neceſary Truths muſt undoubtedly be revealed in
ye Word of G. in plain and intelegible Terms; but yn it
turnd in my mind yt
ye Bible itſelf might be a fiction
I then Examined ye Evidences wh had often Supported me in belief of divine Revelation, and found ym
Sufficent to Support me Still in believing, yt
ye Bible is in truth and reality ye Word of God. I now read the
Goſple of Luke; [illegible] I read it with Attention
and Eagerneſs, hoping to lite on Some Truth wh
wld Set me free, from yt Concern [illegible]
& Anxiety reſpecting my future Exiſtance
wh was Such an Exerciſe to my mind. I attended to ye coming of ye son of God into
ye World, his conduct in ye World, ye doctrines he preachd, ye
oppoſion of ye World to him on account of his conduct, and Doctrines,
and his finaly Suffering even unto Death. my next concern was to determine
certainly and preciſly, wt it was he Sufferd for. I read ye Book of Isaiah; the Law given at Mount Sinai; took perticuliar Notice of ye
Curſes pronounced againſt every offence, and turnd
yn to every Paſage I could find in ye New Testament wh gave any account of wt
Chriſt died for. at length, I came to this concluſion
yt
Chriſt
Sufferd
ye whole length and Breadth of yt Suffering wh
ye Law threatend, for every offence
yt will finaly be forgiven. This concluſion immediately preſented to my view a Character of God
wh was at once amiable and awfull. amiable in
ys, yt he is so infinitly kind &
compaſionate
^to his creatures^, yt he entertains thoughts of Pardon and happineſs for ym
[illegible]
wn
deſerving to ye
laſt degree the tokens of his eternal Anger and Indignation; and never puniſhes
ym for want of Benevolence. and awfull in yt he never will forgive an Offence againſt his own Law till
ye
Sentance of ye Law againſt
yt offence is [illegible][guess: forgiven] inflicted to ye full; and yt though his own son is accountable for offences, he muſt for every offence bare
^[right]the full puniſhment^
I [illegible][guess: was]
now saw yt
ye Law of God has in every senſe its own meaſures and never a Single [illegible] Creature more
is made miſerable, yn
wt
ye Law abſoloutly Required in order yt God ye giver of it might remain
[illegible][guess: a
god] a God of truth, and [illegible][guess: So Support his moral gvt] So Support his moral government in ye
univerſe. I got now effectualy
convincd
yt nothing could be more abſurd
yn for me to uſe
ye
leaſt
indeavour[illegible][guess: s] to bring myſelf to procure the favour of god, or to gain Acceptance to Salvation. I
now realy
believd or I knew yt if God should puniſh me with eternal
miſery for every offence, to his Law, I ever had commited, And
[illegible][guess: In]
[illegible]
[illegible][guess: Criſis,]
nothing kept me from
[illegible]
[illegible] it would proceede from no other
Diſpoſion
^contrary to that^
[illegible] he commands in ye Law, viz, thou shalt Love they Neighbour as thy self. In this Criſis, I found no other Reaſon to hope for Salvation, yn
barly this yt God diſignd to save some Creatures of my own Character. nor did this foundation,
appear smal or inconſiderable, for I knew, yt nothing but gods sovereignt had laid this foundation, and yt
^nither^ I nor any of my Character had ye
leaſt
Deſert in us of even this foundation of hope. Here I hoped, and Still hope with
trembling, and it is my glory and Joy yt a door of hope is here Let open to me wh no man can shut.
ſir I have So little claim to your attention
yt I have crouded
theſe things, [illegible]So much togeather, yt some confuſion is created. If you read it and can underſtand my meaning my End is anſwerd.