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A Diary
Liu Ping

abstract: Liu Ping's diary with the starting date as September 13, 1969 and ending date in October, 1972 when she was in the Inner Mongolia Production and Construction Corps.

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September 13, 1969, Saturday

It has been seventeen days since I boarded the train on August 27. I arrived in Hohhot, merged into the community and started a new life. Having passed in seemingly ordinary ways, these seventeen days have been by no means common. Marking a beginning in my new life, these days have allowed me to build a solid approach and define future goals. Therefore, it is extremely necessary to summarize what I gained during this period, to help further define the future direction of development and objectives of my long-term life.
On August 27, I bid farewell, with full confidence and joy, to the great capital city of Beijing, to my family and classmates, and boarded the train. I did not experience any trivial sorrow and sentiment. On the train, my brain was filled with a sense of my determination, promises to myself and yearnings for a new life. I have been speculating about all the aspects of my future life. I was deeply aware that the road ahead was by no means smooth and I am ready to embrace storms, setbacks and trials of any sort! My mother, together with Xiao Yin, Tang Li, Zhao Ping, Zhao Hui and Yi Min, went to the Beijing Railway Station to see me off. At that time, I was nothing but optimistic as I now march towards the road that I have been long looking forward to. Unlike myself, some others boarded the train reluctantly, seemingly forced to leave. Those who boarded in this sentiment were out of breath from crying and some even fainted. I did not want to cry at all. Even if I was asked to pretend crying at that time, I would not have put on the act. I have put my feet on the path defined by my beloved Chairman Mao: to integrate into the real society, to workers, peasants and People's Liberation Army soldiers, to the Three Grand Revolutionary Movements 1. From now on, I am ready to put an end to my past life in clover far departed from practice and working-class people. My sense of excitement was beyond comparison! I am fully aware that the road ahead is rough, but it is bright. At this very moment, as I looked back, I saw only a sharp divide preventing me from retreating! The farewell wishes left by my family, classmates and comrades were most unforgettable. They wanted me to become "an old buffalo"— always providing service for others. They wanted me to establish a harmonious relationship with others and merge with the masses. They wanted me to go to Chairman Mao when encountering problems and hardships (read Mao's books). Their common wish in one word is: follow Chairman Mao and fight to the very finish…… As the train slowly pulled out, the sight of my folks became distant. But their caring words echoed in my eardrums—cordial and touching.
Soon after our arrival I began to experience the militarization 2 of our daily life. At the same time, I felt that we were no longer ordinary people, but soldiers of the Production and Construction Corps. We will set strict demands on ourselves; otherwise we will fall behind.
At 1:00 AM, August 31, when we were in sound sleep, there came a call for an emergency assembly. In moon light, we were taken to the headquarters where the troop leader issued the August 28th Order. Immediately following that we had a group discussion overnight. After the order was announced, we received a training session on strategy. The troop leaders briefed us on the current circumstance followed by another group discussion focused on getting better prepared for the war. These meetings enabled us to better understand what Chairman Mao meant by his strategy "getting ready for the war". Based on the current international situation, the strategy should be imprinted on our minds and every one of us needs to be prepared.

1. The Three Grand Revolutionary Movements refers to the movement of Production Struggle, of Class Struggle, and of Scientific Experimentation defined by Mao Zedong in his article "Where does a man's correct thinking come from" published in 1963.

2. The production and construction corps were semi-agricultural and semi-military in nature. It was a unique economic and paramilitary organization in China's borderlands such as Xinjiang, Inner Mongolia, Northeast and Yunnan. The Inner Mongolia Production and Construction Corps was attached to Beijing Garrison District, a military unit directly responsible for safety of the capital. Most of the members in the corps were youth from

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Last week, we were assigned to different squads. On that day, the old comrades had a farewell party and then the newcomers were distributed to individual squads by the instructors. I was assigned to the Fourteenth Squad under the Fourth Platoon. After dismissal, the new soldiers followed the old ones and had a tour of our living quarters. In our squad, I know Xiaoyin and two others from the Dianmen Area in Beijing. I was very unhappy about this assignment and I felt that no one in the squad shared the common goal with me. Am I going to spend my life with them in such a squad? I felt that I will accomplish nothing here because the new collective was so different from my imagination! I particularly did not like Xiaoyin who was now on the same squad. She was second to none in terms of my dislike and disgust. I didn't know what criteria was used for the assignment. Based on my judgement, the assignees probably did not know me well. Anyway, I would prefer to be on the same squad with those of similar family background for better relationships and easier communication.
Before the assignments were announced, all the newcomers lived in a large room. There was no physical work assigned and we did nothing except study and attend group discussions. It was boring day by day. This meaningless life was nothing like what I had imagined it to be — intense and orderly. The messy room was filled with quarrels, small talk and nonsense. Some were doing nothing but playing cards like gamblers; others argue with each other from dawn to dusk and still others sat silent from morning to evening. The noise and disorder simply disallowed any quiet study or reading unless you walked out.
My disappointment reached a climax as time passed by like the flow of water. I came here with a strong design to transform my worldview. However, days went by with no gain. It was even worse than studying at home. Besides, I could not find anyone to share my feelings. I felt like I was suffocating. On second thought, we were not going to spend much time here as we would be assigned to different squads soon. I expect a new beginning there, and I look forward to my next collective!
I was so disappointed with the assignment that I was consumed by the feeling that I would not be able to find an intimate friend to talk to in the next squad and would continue feeling lonely. I even thought about leaving this team and going to my elder sister's place. I asserted that harmony in a collective is far better than the place itself. I felt I would have been better off had I gone to settle in a village production team in the first place. I was in total dismay and burst into tears. Now when I recall that cry, it was nothing but baffling and odd. I cried that time because of the disappointments I felt after my arrival.

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A day earlier, I was labeled by some as emotionless. When others got homesick and sad, I did not share their emotion at all. So, they thought I was heartless and passionless. I told myself that we should abandon the quasi-bourgeoisie affection. A true revolutionary made her home wherever she is. A man who lives for his home is nothing more than an animal. At that time, I did not take the labels "heartless" "unaffectionate" as a negative. On the contrary, I took pride in them. Wouldn't it be great if I can completely shake off the bourgeoisie sentiment?
Just one day later, my emotions reached a climax! But I did not get homesick at all because of that. Home no longer exists in my mind. I was filled with thoughts about how I should live my life leaving nothing to be ashamed of. I got extremely emotional out of concern about my life and future.
With a skeptical attitude, I came to my new squad. We started our two-day work. We worked silently since we did not know each other. Our work assignment was to transfer bricks. It was very tiring and demanding work. The two days of hard labor left us with aching backs and limbs. On the third day, we worked from noon to 3 AM in the morning. Our job was to pour wet cement to the spray tower. There could be no pause in this process. Everyone was assigned with specific duties. At work, we started chatting through which we got to know each other. Now I seem to be able to strike up a conversation and to develop common language with some of them.
My roommate is an experienced soldier named Liu Jianhua. I felt I was lucky to share the room with her as she possessed worthy qualities for me to learn from. She is enthusiastic about reading. Whenever she can, she always squeezes time to read and copy important newspaper articles. Every minute of her leisure time is spent on study and reading. I highly admire her. Her way of speaking and doing things is different from others. She is approachable, caring and always warm- hearted to others. She is second to none in taking care of others. I started to have conversations with her, disclosing my personal thoughts about my family, and my observations about the collective. As we gradually became intimate friends, my original perspectives of our squad began to change. I started to feel its warmth. I was very happy to pair with her in a study group studying Chairman Mao's works. With such a role model at my side, I feel I am most fortunate. From now on, we could share our thoughts, our study, and experiences. I could consult her on issues regarding my growth. She will be able to guide me with Chairman Mao's thoughts. Compared with the time when I first got here, my political understanding has advanced.
One evening, I had a long talk with our squad leader who was very agreeable and congenial. She came from a family of cadres and we shared a lot in our background. This is an undeniable reality.

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I am not saying that I prefer to mingle with everyone from a cadre family background, since I hardly have anything in common with those who are arrogant and politically ignorant. I am more willing to make friends with those who are modest, politically conscious and thoughtful. They are easier to get to know and willing to share. Together we can advance forward. People from families of workers and peasants may be sincere and honest but I find it harder to communicate with them due to limitations stemming from
their social background. This caused my initial frustration after being assigned to the collective. I was concerned that I could not find "my ideal friends". After several days' life in this squad, I realized our leader was the one to fill that role. I came to see that I was unrealistically pessimistic. At the very beginning, I decided that there was no one in this squad to share a common language with me. I cried for this. How muddled-headed I was! I need to alert myself that I should interact with those comrades from different family backgrounds to enhance mutual understanding. I need to get along well with everyone!
When I first came, I did not see the strength of these old soldiers. I saw that they were hard-working but hardly progressing politically with very limited thinking skills. I even thought they were short-sighted and mentally void. Several days of observations changed my initial perspective. I did not correctly assess my own political capability. I had shown arrogance, overestimating myself while underestimating others. Chairman Mao criticized those "feeling like I am the best and others good for nothing". The more arrogant then the more insignificant a person is. An arrogant person will never advance.
I realized that everyone in my squad seemed to have firmly grasped the importance of political study. A typical method was to copy newspaper articles. I loved the atmosphere reflected in their intense interest in world affairs. How could I complain about their lack of motivation and political short-sightedness? My perspectives exposed my weakness in baselessly judging others. My initial criticism was wrong. On the one hand, I felt happy to be a member of this squad. On the other hand, I felt embarrassed realizing that I was prejudiced against other comrades out of my arrogance. At that moment, I shifted my initial disappointment to a sense of content.
Chairman Mao said: "Except for desert, there is left, right and central everywhere there are human beings. This will never change even in ten thousand years."
We should treat our new squad members with Chairman Mao's teaching. It is not realistic to expect a collective to be perfect and flawless. We have different kinds of people in every group. Only when we are aware of this, we would stop judging a group based on our opinion of a few individuals.

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Last Saturday, on the afternoon of the 6th, while we were working, I heard someone calling my name in a very familiar voice. I turned around and saw my elder sister and Xiao Ye standing there as if they had fallen from the sky! I jumped for joy! I
had never imagined that I would see them here. They decided to stay overnight. That evening, I bought two extra dinners for them. Many comrades also came to greet them warmly. They brought back my dinner, lent us quilts and made space for us. We three spent the night together in comfort.
At night, I had a long talk with my sister. She was impressed by what we had here such as electric lights and running water supply. Our once-horse-stable-turned rooms can comfortably fit three. My sister told me living in "luxury" here is totally beyond comparison with hers. My elder sister was sent to settle down in a production team. Our daily work was clearly defined and goal oriented. It sounds significant whether it is tilling the land or pulling bricks. Everything we do is contributing towards the construction of our factory buildings. In my sister's environment, one can hardly relate the daily work with the idea of farming for the revolution. The harder she works, the more work points she earns, which in return qualified her for more food. Therefore, working in the fields can hardly relate to revolution. Daily work thus seems meaningless. Moreover, they are sluggish in work with no one overseeing their political study and ideological cultivation. Everything was left to be managed by themselves. In contrast, our life here is regulated militarily and special personnel are assigned to be responsible for every aspect. Life here is strict and intense.
My sister also told me that the supply system here at the troop is communist in nature while the salary system is socialist in nature. People's commune, on the other hand, is semi-socialistic. The latter would still develop towards communism as the final goal. My sister said: "People's Commune will finally develop into communism one day in the future. It will come sooner or later through hardship. But I am sure this day will come, and we need to have confidence."
We chatted about our family and Beijing in excitement. When we got up the next morning, three of us went to Hohhot. No one could imagine while walking in the streets of Beijing several months ago, we would walk on streets Hohhot today. In comparison with Beijing, streets here looked shabby and miserable with hardly any decent buildings.
On that night when I became emotional upon the squad assignment, Liu Xiuling came to see me. We had a long talk. She told me that our political instructor understood me and had asked Liu to help me. I couldn't believe it. The instructor and I had never met, and therefore how she could understand me? I was impressed by the thoughtfulness of the instructor, and that she made the effort to understand everyone. Liu encouraged me to work hard in the new collective and make friends with those more advanced comrades. She also encouraged me to set high demands on myself towards the goal to join the Communist Youth League 3.

3. Communist Youth League: Also known as the Young Communist League of China, is a youth movement of the People's Republic of China for youth between the ages of 14 and 28. It is run by the Communist Party of China. Organized on the party pattern, it serves as the preparatory organization for membership in the Communist Party of China.

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Liu's remarks on joining the Youth League surprised me most because it was a new topic I had never thought about before.
Since my arrival, I have overturned some viewpoints in life which I regarded unchangeable in the past. I used to stubbornly believe I should only stick with those intimate to me wherever I went. Otherwise I would feel lonely and unhappy. When I first got here, I clung to this belief. I pitied myself for not having anyone with me to share my thoughts and life goals. I could not dare to imagine what my life would be like. Therefore, I became very frustrated and low-spirited. But gradually I got to know some people and started to open myself up to them. Besides, the daily work and study were quite intense. My loneliness subdued and the previous feeling of needing to have close friends on my side gradually disappeared. Living in a collective, there are always others I can talk to. The most important thing is that I have the Four Volumes of Chairman Mao's Works which will guide me to solve any problems and overcome any difficulties that I encounter. Chairman Mao is my dearest. I will be able to find solutions to any problems in his great work. Having the Four Volumes with me is like having him next to me. I feel I am equipped with unlimited power in search for an independent path to move forward. I no longer feel lonely. In carrying out revolution, we don't depend on our parents and relatives, neither on intimate friends. We depend on Mao Zedong Thoughts. Chairman Mao's Works provide ready solutions to issues of any sort. Our revolution guided by Chairman Mao's Thoughts will overcome any difficulties. I can abandon anything but Chairman Mao's Thoughts and his books, the very source of our strength and wisdom.
I received a letter from Xiaoyin written on September 7th and it was stimulating. Xiaoyin said in the letter: "I now only have one thought: working and studying hard, serving the people like a diligent working ox. I think people like us have no right at all to seek fame, profit, status and being in limelight. We will be loyal wholeheartedly to the party, to Chairman Mao and devote ourselves to the revolutionary course. We have nobody to rely on, not our mothers, and not our fathers. We rely on Mao Zedong Thought. Our fathers are no longer in our lives 4, so we will need to double our efforts and become the first to bear hardship and the last to enjoy comforts." Xiaoyin and I thought alike, and her letter was a timely reminder to myself as a guide in my endeavor.
However, it is easier said than done. I must alert myself from time to time. Otherwise, one's thoughts can easily go astray.
Looking back at what I have been doing since my arrival, I think I am on the right track. I never sought any fame and status, which exactly as Xiaoyin said, was not what we should be after. They were totally irrelevant, obsolete and meaningless, and we didn't have the "right" to go after them.

4. Liu Ping's father Liu Kelin was a high-ranking party official in China's Publicity Department of the Communist Party of China Central Committee. After being persecuted during the Cultural Revolution, he jumped to his death in August 1966 at the age of forty-two, thus was labeled a class enemy. His reputation was restored in 1979. To be related to a class enemy at that time would deprive the rest of the family members of rights in all categories.

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However, I did not double my efforts as I should have and sometimes, I feel that I lagged behind. I failed to raise my bar high to become the first to bear hardship and last to enjoy comfort, all of which is by no means easy. Knowing that I face a more difficult task to achieve ideological transformation than others, I must keep alerting myself to pay a higher price and shoulder a heavier load. At present, my steps are too small, and efforts are slack. From now on, I need to step up my pace marching forward.

September 16, 1969

September 19, 1969, Sunday

One day while working, Liu Shulin asked me: "Did you do well in math at school?" I asked: "What makes you think that I did well in math?" As a matter of fact, I did not study mathematics. At primary school, I only took arithmetic. She said: "you seem to have a strong sense of logic while expressing yourself." So, the conclusion is: mathematical ability leads to strength in logic because math is logic and reasoning based. As a matter of fact, I am not good at math at all and this complement does not fit me. I hardly know anything about reasoning and logic.
I received a letter from my mom tonight. She mentioned that due to the series of happenings in the family, my experience is totally different from other classmates of mine, marked with its peculiar characters. I need to grasp firmly the conflict within these peculiarities and analyze their nature in order to define my own path. Her letter reminds me of the talk I had with Liu Shulin this morning. I feel this is a complicated matter and I would need to dig deeper into it.

September 25, 1969, Friday

The work these days has been intense, and I am exhausted. While our days went by fast, we have not advanced our ideology further. I felt spiritually barren and fell into the state: "…lack of planning and direction, muddling through the days and tolling the bell for long like being a monk". Why? Because our mental struggle became unfocused, political study was neglected, our thinking processes became static and our days were lived in a gentle breeze and mild rain. These days, I did not engage myself with issues that I face, but rather focused on the trivial. The original ambition and momentum that I came here was weakened rather than strengthened day by day. I am not content with the current scenario and feel depressed.
I received four letters, each of which motivated and inspired me. They made me feel that my family and friends are never away from me. They became a source of affection to me.

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Last night I received letters from Xiaoyin and Xiaojian, and today letters from my elder sister, and my elder brother Zili arrived.
Xiaoyin's letter helped me in how to think about my family issues properly while Xiaojian's letter in what kind of friends I should make. My elder sister brought me some great news: her party membership will be reevaluated by the organization. In other words, she is likely to be accepted as a glorious Communist Party member! Zili's letter discussed how we should regard the masses as the foundation and power of the society.

September 27, 1969

A month ago from today, I boarded the train to Inner Mongolia. I was in Beijing on the 27th but arrived in Hohhot on the 28th. Today is the one-month mark since my arrival. The one-month experience proves: I can live independently and optimistically with the guidance of Chairman Mao's thoughts.

October 13, 1969

We will be going to our "real home". We will head to the place of hardship—the countryside. Here (Hohhot) is more comfortable than our "real home". We live in buildings with tap water and electricity. Before my arrival, I did not expect that we would live in such comfort and convenience, but rather in places with poorer conditions. I think it is time to leave comfort. Some people, however, took it for granted. They are leaving here in grumbles and resentment. They tried to cover up their fear of hardship with all kinds of excuses. This is a critical moment! Those who shouted aloud "fearing neither hardship nor death" kept silent and left the city in bitter disappointment.
I take this as a new starting point. I will take this opportunity to change my mindset on par with the changes of the environment and adapt myself to the new setting. The process itself uplifted my spirit. I shall often ask myself: why did I take the first step and what do I hope to accomplish? I came here with the strong desire to transform my worldview. Therefore, all non-proletariat thoughts, including fear of hardship, are to be transformed. If I don't proactively do so, I will degenerate into a mediocre person decayed in comfort but with no life goals. Mediocre people only seek to live every day in comfort. If the condition is not as expected, they would complain bitterly. They are here for a comfortable life but not for revolution. There is no limit to the comfort of living! How meaningless and insignificant will I become! Whenever the comfort-seeking desire surfaces, I will ask myself what I am here for. I am here on the mission of revolution not for a comfortable life.

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Every hardship does me good while comfort does the opposite. Even in comfort, we should seek every chance to bring ourselves to face hardship. Our mindset will be transformed by doing so. It is impossible to transform our mind in comfort. A revolutionary successor with ambition, courage, will power and dauntless heroism emerge from great storms but not from a greenhouse.
We are heading to our destiny. The good condition and comfortable life here for the last month weakened my determination to endure hardship. Compare the living condition here with the future home. I naturally prefer it here. Although it is comfortable here, it is beyond comparison with my own home in Beijing. Why wasn't I reluctant to leave my home? I did some self-examination: petty bourgeoisie asked for revolution in the first place but did not implement it thoroughly. Only when such incompleteness is overcome, I will head into hardship with no fear. From this perspective, I feel it is best that I go to my "real home"— the sooner the better. Continuing to stay here will make going to harsh places even more difficult for me. Consequently, my willpower will degenerate. I will be corrupt in life and then in thoughts. I feel I am less prepared to bear hardship now than before. The good living conditions here are to blame. To a certain degree, coming to Hohhot did not do us any good. But we came here as needed by the revolution. Going to our real home is also a revolutionary need. Some people obey and delight when their personal interests conform to revolutionary needs. But when in conflict, they complain and disobey. This kind of people will be no more than fellow travelers because they are not committed to carry out the revolution to the end.
We are about to leave. From now on, we will settle down in the countryside. However, our life for the past month is also significant as we experienced construction work from which I learned a lot. I will need to summarize my experience as well as lessons learned before leaving for our real home. This evaluation will help me maximize my strength and minimize my weaknesses.

October 14, 1969

On the issue of whether we should establish roots in the countryside 5, there has been a heated campaign against putting personal interests above the public interest. This struggle enabled me to understand the harm of disguising personal interests as the public interest. In this campaign, some people deliberately created confusion by mixing personal and public interests. Wrapping themselves up in the "banner of tiger skin", they intimidated others. However, selfishness cannot be covered up and is incompatible with selflessness like fire and water. Currently,

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there is hardly anyone who would publicly advocate "Everyone for himself and the devil takes the hindmost". However, this corrupt philosophy of life is still rooted in the society. It poisons people in a different way as it now appears with a "chic and gorgeous coat". Adapting to change, it has taken on a concealed form.
I shall always remember the Great Leader Lenin's remarks: "We will fight against all bourgeoisie thoughts no matter what kind of "chic and gorgeous coat" they put on.

October 20

The advantage of diary writing is to record my footprints and to have a heart-to- heart friend!
Around 2 PM on 16th, the company leader announced that we can leave our camp, but to return no later than 6 PM the next day. Everyone rushed back to his/her room to pack. Those from Hohhot returned home and those from Beijing went on a tour. I was going to visit my elder sister.
A group of us went to a portrait shop to have photos taken. And then a classmate and I rushed to the railway station. I planned to take the five o'clock train to Bike Banner. We got the train ticket leaving at 5:11. We waited on the platform for a little while before the train arrived. I was so anxious to see my sister that I did not even think about how I should travel for over thirty kilometers after arrival. The train roared on and the sun set behind the mountains. The sky turned dark. My classmate got off at the station before mine. I was alone by myself and only then I realized I was facing an unimaginable difficulty: How should I travel thirty kilometers by myself in darkness? The train stopped at the platform and I rushed off. I was at a total loss but walked ahead aimlessly. What shall I do as a stranger in a strange place? I asked an elderly man ahead of me where I could borrow a telephone. He told me that the ongoing broadcasting and telephone share the same cable and the telephone would only work after the broadcasting is over. But the broadcasting would continue past 10:00 PM. I originally planned to contact my sister by phone to ask her to come to pick me up. But this plan, as my only hope, was shattered. I definitely could not set out on this thirty-kilometer-trip on foot in darkness. The old man recommended that I stay overnight in the Commune hostel. When I got there, I was approached by a few in repulsive appearance. They asked me where I came from and why I was here. They responded glibly that this hostel only catered for cadres. I was kicked out. I roamed around in the dark and thought hard what I should resort to but to no avail.I could not imagine I could be driven onto the streets tonight.

5. Since Rusticated Youth were destined to settle down in the countryside permanently, any desire to return to their urban home city was regarded as selfish thinking while staying was regarded as a selfless act.

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I was so used to thinking that the younger generation like me would have been taken good care of by the older ones. At this moment my heart sank. I suddenly remembered that I saw a telephone in the hostel, and I turned back in the hope that I might use the telephone to call my sister after 10:00. I returned to the hostel and told the man in the office that I would like to use the phone. He reluctantly agreed. I thanked heaven for his generosity! I sat next to the phone and gazed on the clock. It was a little past 7 PM. I had three more hours to go. How difficult it was for me to be stuck in a shabby place like this hostel all by
myself. After a little while, the man said to me: "It is okay that you stay here overnight but you will need to pay 1.4 yuan." I thought to myself that went too far. I would not stay here. The man saw that I did not give in and his tone suddenly became warmer: "You may use the phone after 10:00, but it would be very late. You might want to stay here tonight." Getting no response, his face toughened: "It is up to you whether to stay here or not. If not, get out." In other words, I do not have the right to stay here if I do not pay the 1.4 yuan. Finally, there was nothing I could do but pay him and he took me to a small room filled with a nauseating smell. The bedding was so dirty and smelly that I could not stand it for even a minute! But what else can I do but stay here? I thought back on what happened on the train, off the train and ended up in this filthy little hostel. I also imagined the challenges I could face tomorrow. This trip was truly hard. In the hostel, I was sitting on the edge of the bed at the beginning, but when I became terribly sleepy, I laid down in the bed. What a long night!
In the early morning, I got up and walked out of this dirty room. My right arm was bitten by fleas all over—a harvest of the night!
It was 6:20 in the morning when I left the hostel. I walked at a large pace in the direction of Beishizhou. The sun on the horizon, there was no one on the road. Occasionally a horse-drawn cart came from the opposite direction. I was walking alone one step after another. The villages were left behind one after another. The sun rose slowly from the horizon and it was now on the top of my head. It was noon time! In the beginning, I was walking with confidence but now I am exhausted. The desire to see my sister kept me going. One minute earlier I get there, one more minute I would have to spend with her. The duration of our time off is only one and a half days!

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I had already wasted one night doing nothing! I did not get any rides on my way. I asked some people on bicycles for directions. But their answers varied from ten kilometers to twenty. I dragged my two heavy legs forward one step after another. Finally I managed to complete the long trip of thirty-kilometers on foot, and reached my sister's village. My fatigue faded at the thought that I was about to see my sister. I rehearsed what I should describe to my sister when I see her—the hardship and challenges I experienced along the way.
I saw a boy and asked him where my sister was. He said: "She is not here. She is in the hospital in Hohhot due to hepatitis." What a head-on blow! The boy's words hit me hard! I came here in vain. Recalling the extremely difficult time on the journey and the thirty-kilometer trip on foot, I became desperate! What's more my sister is
hospitalized with a dangerous illness. I could not help but burst into tears. I seldom cry but this time I could no longer control my emotion!
I saw Tian Xiaoye and learned how my sister got sick. Many villagers as well as my former classmates came to see me. I tried hard to hold back my tears in front of so many people.
I was anxious to return to Hohhot as soon as possible, but the only remaining train ride for the day left at 11:00 PM. I no longer wanted to travel on foot at night and decided to stay in the village for the night. I would take the 10:40 morning train the next day back to Hohhot.
I followed Tian Xiaoye and saw Ji Dahong to the east of the village. The village was dirty and messy filled with droppings and smelly water puddles. It was poorly structured with houses scattered here and there. Pigs were not kept in pigsties, running around all over the place. My first impression was the village was lifeless with no vitality. Look at their rooms! In preparation for moving into new houses, their rooms were in a terrible mess—dirty, dusty and chaotic. People were busy with their own work: some were busy cooking cabbages; some were pulling bellows; some were building a brick fence in the courtyard. Everyone was working in silence. Tian Xiaoye and I found a violin and accordion in a dusty corner. A thick layer of dust covered the instruments, indicating they had not been played for ages. Before I came, I was thinking about asking my sister to play the violin for me. Now that my sister was gone, no one else could play. Tian Xiaoye played a few songs,

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but they did not sound well as she was not good at it. I took out the accordion and played a few notes. I felt the sound was so loud that it could be heard throughout the lifeless village.
In the evening, Old Qiao came to see me. He prepared some candied pancakes for me. I heard that Old Qiao was very thrifty, but he cooked the pancake with lots of oil just for me. I was very grateful for his generosity and kindness. What a contrast between Old Qiao and the man in the hostel!
The next morning, we went from the east end to the west end of the village and finally found a bicycle. It was past 8:00 AM and my sister's teammates gave me two pieces of pancake and we set on our way. Tian Xiaoye rode the bicycle with me on the back seat. We headed towards the railway station.
The road was bumpy and rough the whole way. The weather seemed to be against us as well. We rode against the wind and Tian Xiaoye cycled strenuously. In a while, the sky darkened like a black curtain that came down. The grey clouds in the front seemed to be looming with white stripes, indicating it was raining just ahead of us. Wind gusts blew stronger. What a broad plain field with not a single person, and not a single house! The sky got darker and a storm was coming at any moment! We got really worried because we would not be able to get to the railway station on time along this 30-kilometer trip in a storm. If I missed the train, there would be grave consequences. It was the 18th and we were supposed to leave Hohhot the next day.
In no time it was raining. We put on our raincoats and continued riding forward. There was no shelter in the wide plain. Even if there were, we could not afford the time to stop. To catch the train, we rode forward with all our strength. When Xiaoye became exhausted, I took over. We chatted along the way. We were risking our lives in such a storm. I said: "This time we truly brave the storm and face the world." Xiaoye replied: "Natural storms are not to be feared and can be conquered. But class struggle and social storms put people to the test and thus could be more challenging." I connected her words with my "unlucky trip" and nodded my head.
We talked about lots of issues in the storm. We mutually felt since we had entered society, our lives were no longer as simple as before. If we were still naïve in thinking, we would run up against stonewalls everywhere we go. However, through every such experience and snag, we grew smarter. We grow up in storms.
Rain continued and wind gusts weakened. We were soaked with rain, but we sweated all through.

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Having come out of the storm, we seemed to be approaching the destination on time. We could already see the water tower, the landmark of the railway station. With five more kilometers to go, victory was in sight.
However, more challenges lay in store. The roads became so muddy after the rain that our bicycle would no longer ride forward. We had to get off and push the bicycle ahead. But soon, we were not even able to do that. The tires got so muddy and mud got stuck between the tire and fender. We had to dig out the mud with our fingers, push the bicycle by a few inches and then resume digging again. Our hands were muddy and our faces splashed with mud all over. The clock ticked. We found ourselves in the same place. We realized that the bicycle could no longer help us and had become a burden instead. A passerby told us the time was 10:00 o'clock. Only forty minutes left! At that time, Xiaoye asked me to rush to the railway station by myself while she would continue the struggle with the bicycle. I was not willing to leave her. We managed to brave the storm together on the same bicycle. The final victory was just ahead. How much I wish that we could hold up to the end! Moreover, I was afraid to travel by myself. I wished Xiaoye could be by my side for the remainder of the journey. Xiaoye urged me again. Yet I was still reluctant to leave her behind all by herself. On second thought, what would happen if I missed my train? Should I wait for the midnight train? I could not imagine the consequences. With no alternatives, I was forced to bid her farewell. I walked on by foot in mud and turned repeatedly to see my friend until she got further and further out of sight. She was still there digging the mud out of the fender.
I finally got to the station around 11:00 AM. Luckily the train was delayed. If it had arrived on time, I would have missed it. I bought my ticket and ran to the crossroads to wait for Xiaoye. No one passed by. Stuck with this difficult condition, I felt very bad leaving Xiaoye in such a difficult situation. One hour slipped by, and somebody appeared on the road pushing a bicycle. Tian Xiaoye! I was so happy to see her! Xiaoye looked exhausted. Obviously things had not been easy. I was filled with gratitude and admiration. Having braved the storm with her and gone through so many challenges along the way, I could see that she had grown into a brave, mature and strong person after one year's effort here.

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In comparison, I was so behind! While we were chatting, a train whistle sounded, and I rushed to the platform. I turned around again and again while waving her farewell. It was a real farewell now. I had no idea when we were to meet again! I would not forget what happened on this trip. As the train was leaving, I waved to Xiaoye one more time. She had a grave expression and was about to cry. What concerned her now? Would the return trip over thirty kilometers on a broken bicycle frustrate her? No. She said nature was not to be feared. Then what? I did not know. Her mood also gave me a heavy heart. Neither of us appeared strong at that moment. With another whistle, the train departed.
An hour later, the train arrived in Hohhot. I returned to this city in one day. I asked for directions to the Hospital of Infectious Diseases and rushed there after walking for another several kilometers. I found my sister's room and pushed the door open anxiously. She was sitting in bed reading and called out in astonishment and joy.
My sister seemed weak and pale. She had totally changed from a month ago. In comparison, I looked tall and strong. I was very disturbed seeing her in this state. In spite of suffering from the illness, she was in a good mood and optimistic, which consoled me and uplifted my spirit to some extent. We chatted in excitement and poured out words endlessly. I read the telegram from mom and also the letter from Xiaoye. Now I understood why Xiaoye was in a grave mood on my departure. Xiaoye said in her letter: "I could not imagine how much will power you must have summoned in fighting against the virus!" Now I am aware how much my sister was admired among her fellow friends such as Xiaoye. Everybody sank to a bad mood after learning that she was sick. That might explain why they were so silent when I saw them in the village.
As a matter of fact, my sister was strong! She could endure greater pain than many others including myself. She was quite ill. Ever since she was hospitalized, she had been given IV injections every day. I tried to persuade her to go back to Beijing to receive better treatment. We talked for over an hour till 4:00 PM. It would take me another hour or so to get back to our camp. We were leaving Hohhot tomorrow for our new homes and I needed some time to pack up. How time flew! I had to leave.

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My sister got up and we together walked out of the hospital. Worrying about her condition, I talked her into getting back to her bed. Waving to each other until we couldn't see each other anymore, I couldn't help thinking when we would be able to see each other again? After wasting so much time during this unfortunate trip, our time together only counted a little over one hour. We left each other in such a haste.
During the two days between the afternoon of the 16th and 18th when I left my sister, so much had happened. I saw the world and experienced the storm. What I gained in these two days far exceeded the peaceful two weeks or even two months in regular time. It was an unfortunate trip but a significant experience. The hardship was enormous, but it enriched my life experience and broadened my vision. I formed new thoughts and learned to put things in perspective. In a word, it was an unusual journey.

October 28

Our great leader Chairman Mao said: "Human beings must constantly draw lessons from their experiences, engage in discoveries and creation, conduct innovative activities and make progress. Any pessimistic, static, idling, and arrogant attitudes are erroneous." Chairman Mao's visionary foresight based on both natural and social science history reflects the importance of learning lessons from revolutionary experience in guiding our future practices. I have already realized its significance and necessity through my own experiences.
I took my course to merge with workers, peasants and soldiers out of a strong desire to transform my worldview. Therefore, I wish I could see myself progressing ideologically. If we simply content ourselves with daily routine work and take a passive attitude, we will idly let time pass by and fail to strive for our goals to transform our worldviews. Without conscientiously making progress and rectifying our mistakes, we will then degenerate into mediocre people, "physically active but mentally passive", "pulling the cart without looking at the roads".
More active and acute ideological struggle needs to be in place if we are to thoroughly transform our ideology. We will seek final solutions in Chairman Mao's works for all the variety of problems that we encounter every day. We will move one step further as one problem gets solved. In return, if we compare our everyday practice against the revolutionary theory that guides us, we will be able to identify what is right and what is wrong. by keeping the correct and rectifying the wrong, we would embark on a road of further reform until we ultimately reach the communist spiritual realm.

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If we let our thoughts drift freely, with no thinking, no contemplating, no clear-cut boundary between proletariat and bourgeois ideology, we will not be able to differentiate the former from the latter. If we let them coexist peacefully, bourgeois thoughts will erode the proletariat sphere and overpower you. Loosening the ideological struggle is one of the factors for being taken prisoner of bourgeoisie.
It has been two months since my arrival. I have gradually slackened off my ideological struggle. I muddled along with some of the trends here and got lazier and lazier in my thinking. I have not been willing to analyze and solve issues with Mao Zedong Thoughts. I simply do the least expected of myself. The consequence is the "peaceful coexistence" between proletariat and bourgeoisie thoughts in my mind.
I do study sometimes but tend to avoid the practical issues that we face every day and instead look for other topics. I did not follow Vice Chairman Lin's instruction: "Engage in targeted learning with the purpose of solving practical problems. Learn by doing and apply immediately. Prioritize study to meet urgent needs." What I am doing is typically shooting an arrow without a target. I am studying Marxism, Leninism and Mao's Thoughts for the sake of study without realizing that these revolutionary theories are guides for actions rather than empty dogmas. It is not possible to grasp the essence simply by studying for its own sake. Only by gradually applying theories to action will we be able to master it. Therefore, if we are not able to solve any practical issues that we encounter every day, mere study does not get us anywhere. Those issues remain to be problems if not solved, and they would accumulate if not dealt with on time. By then, it will be much more difficult to overcome them.
Sometimes I tell myself that we will be "subtly influenced" by learning over time, but I then ignore that this is in violation of Vice Chairman Lin's 6 teaching. ‘Subtle influencing' is useful to some extent, but of less value than learning by doing. It will be extremely erroneous to replace the latter with the former.
Now, I have learned the importance of proactive learning from experiences. I will place the existing problems on the table and analyze them with Mao's Thoughts in the hope of making progress in problem solving.
1. Highest instruction: "Hardworking lifestyle could not be in place without clearly defined political direction;

6. Vice Chairman Lin Biao (1907-1971): He ranked third among the 10 Marshals of the PRC and was pivotal in the Communist victory in the Civil War. During the Cultural Revolution, Lin became instrumental in creating the foundations for Mao Zedong's cult of personality and was named Mao's designated successor as the sole Vice Chairman of the CPC and stated in the CPC Charter. The Chinese government blamed Lin for a botched coup against Mao and his group attempted to flee. Lin died on September 13, 1971 when the plane he was aboard crashed in Oodorkhaan in Mongolia. Together with Mao's wife Jiang Qing, Lin has been labeled the two major "counter-revolutionary forces" of the Cultural Revolution, receiving official blame from the CPC for the worst expressions of the period.

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political direction could not be followed without hardworking lifestyle."

November 4, Tuesday

Life is like ocean waves, sometimes in high tides, sometimes low.
A storm arose from collecting firewood. I overheard some complaints about me: "divorcing theory from reality", "bookworm", "boasting", "eloquent speaker", and "keeping to self while being oblivious of surroundings", etc. These criticisms really struck me. This is the kind of person that I look down upon the most. Am I one of them? I cannot accept nor understand it. Especially boasting and eloquence in speaking particularly offended me. At the time I was upset and shed tears, the second time since our arrival here two months ago. The first time I cried was right after squad assignment. I was in very low spirits then. But I gradually came out of it and I had been in good spirits before this wave of bitter criticisms. These comments shocked me and threw me into low morale again. I met new challenges and obstacles. In order to continue my progress and embrace new high tides, I need to overcome these obstacles. We should never expect smooth sailing. We sail in waves, going through high and low tides.
I calmed myself down and analyzed these criticisms. Xiaoyin's convincing words came to my mind: "Be down-to-earth and hardworking; diligent and conscientious; make twice as much effort as others and remain the first to bear hardship and last to enjoy comfort. We have no right to seek fame, status and to compete for the limelight." I was pushing myself towards these criteria before, but why have I lowered my standard now? These words once were my motto, but now they seem to be less relevant. We used to encourage each other in our effort to serve the people as their most loyal "old buffalo". But now this goal seemed to be further and further away. Why? I became more indifferent to the original call to serve the people and less motivated to strive towards it. I put too much emphasis on ideological transformation, but deviated from serving the people, thus slipping to the opposite direction. Focused on personal cultivation with a closed door, I have failed to reform my thinking process. Isn't this a typical example of divorcing theory from practice?
Without fully realizing the importance of serving the people in practice and transforming our thoughts, I one-sidedly overestimated the role of theory on ideological transformation. As a result, I buried myself in books. Although my book knowledge increased, I failed to link theory with practice. With more lip- service, and less action, the theory that I claimed to have grasped was only words from books.

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Therefore, to be labeled as "indulging in verbiage" should not have come as a surprise.
Those who possess both theory and the ability to apply it to practice are the ideal people. Revolutionary action will be limited without understanding revolutionary theories. It is necessary to grasp revolutionary theory.
Vice Chairman Lin said: "Don't take reading as dogmatic—which is wrong. Limit to reading alone with no action or no application to practice leads to dogmatism."
We will need to excel in both studying theory and applying it to practice. We are opposed to no study, no reading newspapers, ignorance and incompetence. At the same time, we also oppose separation between theory and practice.

November 9, Sunday

Yesterday I had a long chat with Qin Xiaohua on the recent change in my thoughts. She pointed out my problems that I mentioned above. I fully agree with her. I would never have been enlightened if I had not gone through the last storm wave. I now understand the methodology of study in a different light. It is an issue of great importance and I need to pay attention to it.

November 10, Monday

Our instructor proposed self-examinations in four areas: thoughts, motivations, enthusiasm, and organizational disciplines.
Thought is the foremost. There are many living thoughts around. Let us put them on the table for analysis and identification. Are they of proletariat or bourgeoisie, of public or personal interests? I thought of Lenin's words again. They are applicable for others as well as for me. We must not allow thoughts of personal interest to occupy our mind in the name of public interest.
Our daily routine is boring. Is repetition of collecting wood, study, eating and sleeping compatible with the great call to cultivating the wilderness and guarding the frontier? What is the link between our daily routine with the great revolutionary course? I can hardly see any inner connections.
Since changes are constant, all I have been doing is to play it by ear. I think changes are totally beyond my imagination and there are no set directions and plans. I satisfy myself with living well every day. I expect some gains from every day passing by, but lack a long-term plan, goals and directions.
I am not confident about settling down in the border area permanently, and am suspicious of our ability to thoroughly change this bleak and barren gully. We will not be here for long as wars may break out at any time. I don't believe that we will stay here for good. No more than three years. After then, I won't be here anymore. Where will I be? I don't know.

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Sometimes I ask myself: is "serving people" only limited to some trivial act such as boiling water, sweeping the courtyard, collecting firewood and helping with kitchen work? We do these for no more than a squad or platoon or a company. Of course, serving people needs to start from a small scope, but shouldn't be limited to these daily chores. Sometimes, I feel reluctant to engage in these services because I feel they are insignificant.
Contrasting from other chores, the experience of gathering firewood is nevertheless worth it. It was completely new to me, and it imposes more challenges because it is done in open and frigid freezing cold. In doing the job, I can experience Chairman Mao's teaching on "utmost joy struggling with heaven and earth." Therefore, I am more than willing to take the assignment. This hard job toughens my willpower and tempers myself into steel and iron. This thought, instead of serving the people by keeping squad mates warm with wood, motivated me to face the challenges. I tend to separate the mission to serve the people from training my own willpower. To me, cultivating the spirit of fearing neither hardship nor death is more appealing than serving the people by fulfilling trivial services.

October 11 7, Tuesday

In the morning on Daily Reading, I examined my recent thoughts without much analysis and criticism. However, I realized that it was private interest which caused these ideas and should be combated against. Chairman Mao's thoughts are the sharpest weapon and we should use it to investigate our thoughts.

October 12 8, Wednesday

Studying Chairman Mao's quotations enabled me to understand some issues which I did not before. Chairman Mao's thoughts helped me to think through problems.
Chairman Mao said: "The development of any new things is marked with twists and turns. In our socialist course, any wishful thinking for smooth sailing to success without any hardship and great effort is nothing but an illusion." "In making revolution, there are more rough times along with the smooth. When this happens, the key focus in dealing with contradictions shifts to overcoming difficulties. Thanks to the efforts of revolutionaries, we are able to conquer difficulties and pave way for smooth progress." "We should often let our people see the progress the world has made and the bright future ahead of us, and to build people's confidence towards victory. At the same time, we need to inform them that the road ahead is bumpy and rocky. There are many obstacles along the way…" We should recognize the challenges, analyze them and combat them. There are no straight roads in the world. Be prepared to travel on winding roads, and don't look for short-cuts.

7. October 11: The date for this diary entry should be November 11.

8. October 12: The date for this diary entry should be November 12.

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Be prepared to travel on winding roads, and don't look for short-cuts.
The Inner Mongolia Construction and Production Corps was a brand-new phenomenon when established. There are bound to be difficult times as we are experiencing now. "More rough times along with the smooth." The current difficulties we face now are: shortage of coal, food and other supplies, limited transportation as well as poor living conditions. To overcome these difficulties, we need to split and collect firewood every day to supply fuel. Subjectively, we prefer not to absorb in this daily chore. We'd much rather engage ourselves as soon as possible in the great battle of cultivating the wilderness and safeguarding the frontier in the spirit of transforming heaven and earth! However, the current obstacles prevented us from fulfilling our wish. Therefore, we need to keep Chairman Mao's teaching in mind: "Recognize the difficulties, analyze them and fight them." "……gradually overcome the difficulties and pave the way for smooth progress." Our daily routine of collecting firewood is to prepare ourselves for the freezing winter. As winter passes by, we would be better prepared for more struggle and success. We are collecting firewood and storing vegetables in preparation for greater campaigns. The call for cultivating the wilderness and guarding the frontier is a two-step campaign. Settling down in border land is the first step leading to further development and better defense of our territories. Therefore, what we are doing is very significant. Everything we are doing now is to prepare ourselves to settle down. Only when we put ourselves on a firm footing, can we progress to construct and produce. We are directly implementing the government's policy. Cannot you see the internal link? Failing to see the link is being short-sighted. Chairman Mao said: "We need to rely on telescopes and microscopes to enhance our vision. Marxism is our political and military telescope and microscope." When I studied Chairman Mao's teaching, I could see the internal link between what we are doing and the great revolutionary course.
During the Long March when food supply was in dire shortage, Vice Chairman Lin made every effort to look for edible herbs and grass roots. Having gathered in hundreds, he then tasted each of them risking his own life by poisoning. Vice Chairman Lin said: "we should be aware that this is the most glorious work in China's revolutionary history. We have to accomplish it by every possible means." Looking for herbs then could be comparable to collecting firewood that we are
doing today. It was not purely for the sake of looking for herbs or finding firewood. The ultimate purpose was to overcome hunger and coldness! "Conquer all obstacles and win the final victory." When we overcome the difficulties and hardship, we will march towards the destination!
We are not in war time today, but as Chairman Mao taught us: "it is merely an illusion and wishful thinking to anticipate success in our socialist revolution without enduring hardship and making great efforts." I did not fully understand the true meaning before, especially when encountering difficulties. I took things for granted

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that everything was planned well and would move along well.I did not prepare myself for the unexpected, this resulted in becoming pessimistic and disappointed.
Having studied Chairman Mao's teaching, I am aware that we are on a rocky and bumpy road. We need to stand high and see far. Only great foresight will enable us to see the great future. "…our future is bright but the road is winding."
Having found a solution for this major problem and contradiction, all other issues are readily resolved.
When we see that the difficulties ahead can be overcome and understand that no roads are straight in the world, we can then develop more confidence in settling down in the border region and changing the face of this bleak and barren land.
When we connect what we are doing here with the great revolutionary course, we will have formed a clear direction for our endeavor. Whatever we do and wherever we go is to accomplish the goal of defending and developing our borderland!

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November 19, 1969

Something annoying and immoral happened! Somebody peeked at my diary and even copied some paragraphs—it is so frustrating! When he made a speech to the public, he shamelessly quoted others' words including the plagiarized paragraphs from my diary. It sounded well-written and was a long speech, but where were his own thoughts? Hardly anything! He chewed the bread spit by others! How disgusting!
This mishap made me feel that I can never judge a person by their appearance. He does not look immoral at all from his appearance. But the fact speaks for itself: this person's personality is defective. Besides the diary issue, there are several other strange things involving him, which I shall not expand on here. How shall I treat this? Shall I be candid with him and then see what he has to say? As a matter of fact, he himself knew it was his fault but pretended to be calm.
Another strange thing was someone lavishly praised me as "the only one she admires from the whole platoon", etc. In fact, I don't know her well. Our first contact did not leave me with a good impression. She was flashy but lacked substance. Why did she flatter me like that? I don't know. But I do know that I cannot judge a person based on her attitude towards me. Additionally, it wasn't normal to flatter face-to-face. Did she just say it for the sake of flattering, or did she have other intentions? I must be on alert because I did not know what she meant by what she said.
I do not really know how to handle what I described here. Even my partner in the Red Pair 9 was not able to help. Who else can I trust for advice and help? At this moment, I miss my sister! She could help me on all these issues. How much I longed to share with her what had happened here since my arrival. How much I need her advice and help currently! Although I seem to get along with people, I do not have a trust-worthy friend with a common goal. I talked a lot with my partner in the Red Pair, but we are not heart-to-heart friends. She was reluctant to show her true thoughts. I did not get much help from her on many issues. Sometimes I get disappointed, but there is nothing else I can do. I will try my best to get as much help as possible. I need to be more self-reliant rather than seeking external help.
Sometimes I get frustrated at others' defective behaviors. How can I stand spending the rest of my life with them? I have always imagined how wonderful it would have been to be with my sister, Xiaoye and Xiaoyin! Other times, I see other good natured comrades around, and I feel good to belong to my community.

9. The phrase became prevalent in the People's Liberation Army in the 60's. It refers to pairing two individuals to engage in political studies.

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In general, I need to practice more positive thinking.

December 1

Our squad, platoon and company were reorganized. Some were transferred to other collectives while others were transferred to us. Now, our squad is totally different from before. The newly formed squad disappointed me and I lost my confidence. Those who were transferred away were the ones I was close to and I thought highly
of them. To some extent, I was satisfied being here because of them. But now all of them are gone. Those who remain are those I hardly share any common language with. It is so meaningless to stay with them on the same squad. I did not make much effort to approach them before; I am the same today, and I predict that I will be so in the future. Therefore, I dislike the current situation and find it difficult to stay positive. Although I am aware that I will get nowhere without a good team, my squad mates are disappointing, and I can hardly see anyone living up to my expectations. What a mob we have here: selfish, narrow and slick-minded fellows. I truly miss those who were transferred. Despite their weaknesses, they were a group of down-to-earth, upright and honest youth with revolutionary ideals. They were just the opposite in personality from those who were left behind. During the three months since our arrival, I have followed them as my role models: collecting firewood with Fan Yianyan; carrying well water with Liu Jianhua and chatting with Qin Xiaohua, etc. I saw the quality of bearing hardship, diligence and perseverance, and the spirit of combining revolutionary ideals with practice. In a word, they were my role models in every aspect of work and life. Now they left and those valuable traits are gone with them. Now those around are only doing their own work taking no heed of others. How boring it is!
The variety of thoughts arising from the reassignments has become a major issue of concern which I will prioritize to solve first.

December 8

Another week passed by. I am now getting used to the new squad. I realized that the newcomers were not as bad as I imagined. The deputy squad leader had left me with a poor impression in particular. I used to regard her as arrogant and overestimating herself. I looked down upon her. However, she took on a new face after being transferred to our team. She has become humble and sincere. She takes her responsibility seriously and sets a good example at her job. I totally changed my previous prejudice against her.

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It turns out that we can never judge a person with a hard-and-fast rule. Everyone should be judged with a developmental perspective.
Recently, we have been going to Wuliang Swamp to collect reeds. This was a twenty-kilometer round trip on foot. We left early in the morning and returned at night. It was a wonderful opportunity to toughen our feet! We have done this three times already. Each day, these long trips are becoming a little easier to endure. Obviously, this was gaining. The three days' training enabled me to handle the trips with confidence! Before, I didn't even want to waste one more step, but now each step is progress for me. I am more than willing to take on the challenge.

December 26

Around 11:00 AM, Fan Yanying and I departed the fish farm on a twenty- kilometer trip to Weiketu. The day before we began our journey at 3:00 in the morning and didn't arrive at Qianqi until nearly noon time. The anti-tank drill started at noon. Two tanks parked in the low land between hills and a group of people were visiting the tanks. Some of them are soldiers from our regimen and some local communes. After a while, people got off the tanks and a comrade gave a presentation on the structure and functions of the tank. A small red flag was used to highlight various parts of the tank. Both tanks were designed and built by our own country. The presenter provided great details about the tank including its weight, firing range, etc. He also compared our tank with the Soviet's, followed by a talk on anti-tank operations. He pointed out that the first task in the anti-tank procedure was to blind the tank's "eyes", killing the tank driver. The tank will be halted. Second in line of importance was deafening its "ear", destroying the antenna. The tank will lose its leadership. Then, proceed to break the tank's "legs" destroying its wheels and belts, completely disabling any movement. The "heart" of the tank, the rear drive mechanicals, should also be destroyed. Any partial destruction of the procedure could collapse the tank. How can we do that? Anti- tank procedures could be implemented in two ways: on the ground and on tanks. On the ground, anti-tank mines can be planted ahead of time along the route; Rocket launchers may be used to aim at the tank's critical part; explosives may be carried by soldiers to the tank to blast its heart and legs, and hand grenades can be used to blast off the ears and eyes. As for the tank tactic, a soldier can get onto the top of a tank, deadening its ear and blinding its eyes, and force opening the lid to capture enemies alive.

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After the presentation, the anti-tank maneuver began. A tank roared forward. Land mines planted ahead "exploded" and the tank paused for a minute or so before moving again. A soldier waiting in ambush launched a "rocket" which "blew up" the tank. But the tank continued. An anti-tank soldier carrying an explosive package ran to the rear and laid the package on the tank. Another "boom" stopped the tank. But the tank continued. Another soldier shot the tank with more explosives, but the tank still continued until finally an anti-tank soldier jumped onto the tank top, taking off the antenna and opening the lid……
The anti-tank drill was followed by an anti-airborne defense drill, which was followed by dead center shooting and steel target shooting drills. The whole thing ended around 2:00 PM.
Chairman Mao taught us: "The whole party must attach importance to war—study the art of war and be prepared for it."
After witnessing this anti-tank drill, I don't think tanks should be feared in any way. The anti-tank skills are not difficult to learn and can be mastered by anyone who fears no death. The spirit of bravery and fearing no death will overcome the terrifying-looking machines. The drill is a lively military educational lesson for all of us. It prepared us well for the upcoming warfare. If the war breaks out, I am sure I will be able to blast the tank with courage, bravery and the not fearing death spirit, equipped with the anti-tank knowledge that I learned.
We need to possess both bravery and anti-tank skills. The spirit of bravery motivates us to charge head-on against the tank. However, it is impossible to destroy the tank without a set of knowledge and skills. As long as we harbor the spirit, anti-tank technical skills are relatively easy to master. Equipped with the spirit and the skills, we would be able to block enemy's tanks from making even a single step on our land.
After the drill, we started our return trip around 5:00 PM. We hitchhiked a truck on the way, and managed to get back to the fish farm in less than an hour.
We had come to the fish farm on December 22 and we had to stay an extra two days due to the postponement of the drills to the 25th. Those two days were really boring with nothing to do. We watched the rehearsal of a propaganda performing group, went to the medical clinic and visited the kitchen. Time was killed in idleness. Today I made up my mind to return to Weiketu.

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We walked in the direction to Weiketu with our luggage on our backs. This trip was another good exercise for our legs. We walked over twenty kilometers on the 22nd and another twenty to Qianqi yesterday. Today we will do another twenty kilometers on foot. Our feet harden with each long walk. Walking used to be a headache. But now things are different. The more fear I have towards walking, the more I will do. The more walking, the tougher my feet become. This is a transition from fear to no-fear; from hesitation to confidence. Now, I can do the twenty-
kilometer walk with one breath! In the past, I had to stop and rest a few times on a fifteen-kilometer trip. The poor transportation condition here has provided an opportunity for us to strengthen our legs.

December 28

I am determined to learn from Jin Xunhua 10 after having studied his diary. The first thing to learn is the habit of frequent diary writing. I am doing it from now on.
Another month passed by. I need to sum up the past to embrace 1970.
During the Party Rectification Campaign 11, I studied Chairman Mao's great thoughts on the Continuation of the Revolution. Everyone presented his/her own thoughts. I also talked about my reflections. Whether I can continue the revolution or not is an issue that I would encounter often. My own family came under attack during the Great Proletarian Cultural Revolution 12. My father was finished while I myself felt like "dropping ten thousand feet in a flash." Under this circumstance, how can I continue the revolution? I have been facing a dire situation. Among the many thoughts that I developed, the core issue being I was struck with the feeling that I was born with bad luck. I became very negative and pessimistic fearing that I could no longer free myself from this destiny. But sometimes I couldn't help wondering whether I would be doomed because of my father's downfall. I am not ready to resign myself to this fate. I can see that not everyone from the same family will ……just because of…….

10. Jin Xunhua (1949-1969). A student and active Red Guard from Shanghai, Jin was sent to the countryside in Heilongjiang as a rusticated youth. In 1969, the river near his village flooded and 2 utility poles were swept away. Jin jumped into the river to save the poles and drowned. Jin was propagated as a role model for his "selfless sacrifice" and to support the policy of sending urban youth to the countryside.

11. The Party Rectification Campaign refers to frequent organizational events when party members evaluate each other's efforts in cultivating political consciousness. Criticism and self-criticism were applied.

12. Commonly known as the Cultural Revolution, it was China's nation-wide political, social and cultural movement from 1966 to 1976.

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Highest Teaching: We should serve the people whole-heartedly in the spirit of modesty, prudence and guard against conceit and rashness.

January 6

I have a true and deep understanding of the above Chairman Mao's teaching developed from what I observed around me in recent days. I now regard it as my motto, using it to examine every word I speak and every action I take. Modesty and prudence will enable a person to advance. Any trivial degree of arrogance could lead to misconduct and misbehavior. Whenever I forget to follow the principle of modesty, prudence and guard against conceit and rashness, I slip into arrogance. When I am arrogant, often unconsciously, I hold myself as the only correct one and thus become conceited. I overlook any of my weaknesses and take others as devoid of any merit. I return to myself after the events, and only then I would realize how wrong I had been.
The other day there was an organized event for wild duck hunting. I refused to participate in various excuses. As a result, I violated the rule. Despite many reasons behind my refusal to participate, deep in my mind there was a sense of arrogance and disregard for the new platoon leader. I rejected him as incompetent, incapable and foolish. Therefore, I disobeyed him. Although I admitted my mistake orally, inside my mind, I was blaming the leadership for its poor organization of the event.
The day before yesterday, the squad leader asked me to draft an article of criticism. I fabricated various excuses for delaying and did not complete it. Although it is not a good idea to dispatch people to do this or that, there should be no excuse for not carrying out the criticism activity. I myself ignored the importance of such criticism and did not think it fair to complete the criticism draft by myself alone. So I simply did not write the article as assigned. This behavior revealed my arrogance and disrespect for the organization and leadership. I defied the assignment from the leadership and left it at my own discretion.
Why have I been trapped in arrogance recently? On the one hand, I failed to set strict demands on myself to follow Chairman Mao's teachings. On the other, the surrounding circumstances played a role.
There is a newly transferred squad mate, who is arrogant and supercilious. She always overestimates herself. Failing to realize this at the beginning, I thought we had things in common. As a matter of fact, we were two of the same kind, sharing a sense of arrogance. However, I gradually discovered I had less and less in common with others in the squad as I stuck around her more and more. When we were together, we made frivolous remarks about this one and that one. We gave others the impression that we were the best.

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Gradually, I felt that she truly overrated herself. Even when she resorted to criticizing herself for something, she looked up instead of looking down, showing off her superiority. She always indulged in self-appreciation and self-praise. She sought every opportunity to show off her strength and to create a positive image of herself whenever she could. Her arrogance is nothing more than ignorance. Unfortunately, her indulgence in narcissism has hampered her from making progress. She was not able to see other's strength and therefore failed to learn from others. This trait of personality is self-harming and self-destroying. Her demotion from the deputy squad leader was a case in point. Yet it still did not alert her. She was destined to trip and fall.
This person always looked triumphant and immensely arrogant. Only a humble person makes progress because they are aware of their own limits, thus always remain modest and ready to learn from others. On the contrary, those who "insist a bucket is full even when it is half empty" shall not expect to succeed in anything. Those who refuse to learn from others will eventually decay.
Having realized the harm of arrogance, I knew it was time for her to wake up! At the same time, I used her as my mirror to warn myself with the potential grave consequences had I not overcome my own arrogance. I have now realized that arrogance creates egoism. Arrogant people are proud of themselves while others never take much heed of them. Modest people are not content with their own accomplishments and eager to learn from others, and they always win others' admiration. We have both personalities in our squad. Chairman Mao's teaching: "Modesty helps one to go forward while conceit makes one lag behind" is an absolute truth!
How shall we look at doing good deeds? A good deed is for the common good of the masses. Therefore, we should do as much as possible to serve our people. My attitude is to learn modestly from those who do good deeds for the people. However, some people might think differently.

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They claim those who do good deeds have impure motives. Not only they themselves are not willing to do any, but they don't want to see others doing any. They fear losing their own legitimacy if others are doing good deeds. That is why some people attempt to attack those who are doing good deeds.
Admittedly, some people are doing good deeds out of some impure motives, but they are the minority. Most people do good deeds as a result of following Chairman Mao's teaching "serving the people whole-heartedly". If we are indeed
modest, we would not always dig into others' motives. We need to trust those who truly serve the people wholeheartedly and take them as our role-models.

January 8-12

To better prepare for war, a "daily exercise, one-hour military practice" was added to our routine. Yesterday, we practiced tossing grenades. Due to lack of practice, I did poorly and tossed less than twenty meters in distance. It is far from what is required on the battlefield. Such distance will not kill the enemy but harm myself. In order to better prepare ourselves for the war and destroy more enemies, we will need to gear up in practice. Today we practiced reconnaissance. Our company commander taught us the professional reconnaissance jargon. We kept ourselves on high alert and practiced these jargons. Although we now remember them by heart, we have not been able to use them in real life.
A series of emergency assemblies took place in recent days to enhance our combat preparedness.
On New Year's Eve 13, we were having fun, playing cards and chess with our oil lamps on. Not long after we went to bed past midnight, the siren for emergency assembly woke us up. We prepared ourselves in darkness and ran with squad mates to the rear of the kiln. This was an air raid drill.
Another such emergency assembly took place before the wakeup call. The siren sounded all of a sudden. We got up in haste and lined up. We then ran to the direction of Wuliangsuhai field. I did not place my personal belongings in good order the night before and could not find my socks in a rush. I had no time to put on my sweatshirt and ran out of my dorm bare foot.

13. New Year's Eve: Liu Ping is referring to the Chinese New Year or Spring Festival

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December 1969 to February 1970

A lot happened in the last two months; I would like to furnish a short summary.
I had a long talk with Liu Shulin on many issues. She suggested improvement in three areas. The first was the issue of my family. She said that without making a clean break with my father, not only on the surface but deeply in mind, my progress would not sustain in the long run even when I make headways to move forward now. The second referred to my lack of attention to the construction and advancement of our company. I didn't seem to care enough about what was happening around me. The third was the inappropriate way in my criticism of others which resulted in hurting feelings.
I feel that these three criticisms were sharp and accurate, striking to my core. They are also the frequently encountered issues in my daily life. Now, someone pointed them out, an indication of necessary attention. I need to place them on the table for open analysis and resolutions.
Liu Shulin said that my advancement would not sustain if I could not solve my problem with my family background. Whenever the issue of my family background was raised, I felt devastated and a sense of inferiority. Bad luck immediately registered in my mind. Upon any opportunities for advancements such as joining the Youth League and appointment for any leadership positions, examination of family background was a must. When these occasions arose, my inferiority complex turned into an attitude of indifference. I wouldn't care about anything which required family background checkup. I told myself that these things were destined and arranged by fate. There was not the slightest chance for me to succeed no matter how much effort I make. With this thought in mind, I wouldn't even care to think twice on the issues of joining the Youth League. Others might say it is easy to apply, I am not willing to say the same. However, even when there is no possibility for me to join the Youth League, I can still engage myself in the revolution. Moreover, I need to do it well, not any less than those who have successfully joined the league. Let those coming from good family backgrounds join the league. They are qualified while I am not. The way was paved for them, but not for me. Let them better carry out the revolution after joining the league. I will do my part equally well in the revolution even though I cannot join the organization. I will never cease my revolutionary efforts because I am outside the league.
With these thoughts, I pushed the issue out of my mind and therefore have never expressed my desire to apply. Whenever people brought up the issue of joining the league and the party, I would shun from their conversations.

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I have long been stuck with these thoughts.
However, a conversation with Wang Jie set me thinking and struck me hard.
Chairman Mao taught us: "It is good to have heart-to-heart conversations." This talk with Wang Jie transformed my previous thought.
First, we must firmly believe in the Party's policy. Although class status is not to be ignored, it should not be held as the only yardstick. More emphasis should be given to performance. It is inevitable to have some people in the society who do not fully understand the party policy. They continue with their mistaken approaches and don't trust that the majority of transformable children 14 with a bad family background desire to be revolutionaries. Therefore, it is not surprising to encounter some wrong doings. However, we ourselves need to have full confidence in our party's policy and think positively that those cadres would gradually change their points of view while deepening understanding of the policy. Therefore, we should avoid any disruptions, watch out not to have our vision blocked by some temporary erroneous policy, and focus on advancing forward. Even Chairman Mao himself believes that most of the transformable youth are good. We do not need to pay any attention to those who don't. By demonstrating our strong desire to carry out revolution and performing our very best during the process, we will change their perspectives one day.
Since I am deeply committed to the revolution, I will need to follow the teaching of Lenin: "If people from classes other than proletariats join our force, the first and foremost principle is that they would need to unconditionally grasp the proletariat worldview and discard any capitalist and bourgeoisie prejudice."
As I am committed to the revolution, I must grasp unconditionally the proletariat worldview, namely dedicating my life to communism.
Joining the Communist Youth League and Communist Party is to entrust all I have to the Party, including my life. In other words, I will fight all my life for the cause of communism, the sole motive for joining the party, contrasting any other impure motives after promotions, fame and status.
The determination to dedicate my life to communism sparked my strong desire to join the Youth League and the Party. The claim to engage in revolution without joining the organizations is actually seen as a reluctance to entrust oneself to the Party. To say the least, the desire to dedicate to the cause of communism is not strong enough and not unconditional. The condition is to leave a way out for myself, a way of leaving the revolution.
Joining the Communist Youth League and the Communist Party should not be regarded as an honor, because one can be a revolutionary without possessing the honor. In this regard, honor is not important at all.
The paramount goal for any Communist to join the party is

14. "Transformable children" refers to children of landlords, rich peasants, counter revolutionaries, bad elements, and rightists. Their parents were deemed class enemies during the Cultural Revolution and the children were labeled and tainted by the association. Chairman Mao considered the children redeemable.

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to dedicate his life to the communist cause.
In the Communist Party Charter, a communist party member must:
1. Study well and apply Marxism, Leninism and Mao Zedong Thought by putting it in good use.
2. Work for the best interests of the Chinese people and the great majority of people of the world.
3. Unite as many as possible including those who wrongly opposed us in the past but have now rectified their errors. But we need to guard against those with personal ambitions, conspirators and double-dealers and prevent them from seizing the leadership of our party and the country. We need to ensure the leadership for the party and the government stays in the hands of Marxist revolutionaries.
4. Consult with masses when confronting controversies.
5. Be brave in conducting criticism and self-criticism.
My family's faulty background poses more challenge for me than others in grasping proletarian worldviews and fulfilling the above five principles. In other words, I would encounter more obstacles on the revolutionary path. Thus, I need to pay a higher price and make much more efforts than others. But as long as I have made up my mind to dedicate my life to communism, I would be able to overcome the hardship, eradicate all of the obstacles and master the proletarian worldviews along the way. When this happens, I myself will be transformed into a member of the Communist Party, vanguard of the proletariat.
The Five Principles, the very and the sole standard for any communist party member to follow, have set the criteria for us.
I think I will be able to become a fighter of the proletariat vanguard if I make my due effort. Family background will by no means determine whether one can become a proletariat. Family background may have laid some obstacles and unfavorable conditions, causing more twists and turns along the way. However, difficulty is not equal to impossibility. I must not give up making revolution as it is difficult to do so. No revolutionary victory was obtained without hardship. It was true in the past, is still true at present and will be true in the future. It is not possible to achieve any revolutionary success without efforts, sacrifices and hardships.
The first obstacle on my revolutionary path is my family background. If I cannot overcome this difficult situation, I will not move forward. "Sailing against the currents, either you keep forging ahead or you are falling behind". Rebels like me who betrayed their counter revolutionary fathers

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are like boats sailing against the currents. We will sail hard, beat head-on waves and forge ahead. We will never back up. Retreat will leave us abandoned by the powerful revolutionary torrents! We have only one option, forge ahead against winds and waves.
If I successfully overcome this obstacle, I will be able to continue my march forward on the revolutionary road. If I fail to pass this first test, how can I possibly conquer the second and the third? This is the issue of revolutionary continuity. When our fathers were revolutionaries, we also desired to make revolution. But when our fathers have been denounced, could we continue with the revolution? It is a serious and critical issue in front of me. It matters because it is related to whether I could continue the revolution.
It is particularly difficult to overcome the obstacle of family background because it is a fierce battle against personal interests and revisionism. It is a soul-touching fight. One will not win the battle if it is not fought with determination and willpower. It is a demarcation between revolution and anti-revolution. No one will get by under false pretenses.
Only when one thoroughly abandons personal interest, he/she will be able to get beyond this barrier. However, personal interest is so deeply rooted in the mind that it is hard to eradicate it. It will emerge and make trouble whenever possible. Therefore, the problems will persist unless we launch an all-rounded battle against it. Empowering ourselves with determination, confidence and perseverance, we will push on relentlessly until it is eliminated.
Chairman Mao taught us: "It takes a long time to completely transform a worldview." We should never wish for a permanent solution, settling it once and for all. Rather we must often and constantly fight against personal gain and criticize revisionism. "It is much like that we wash our face and sweep the floor
every day to keep ourselves clean". We should make up our mind to keep fighting it throughout our whole life. Keep on fighting as long as we live.
The thought of "dropping ten thousand feet in a flash" and "bad luck" has its roots in personal interest. It has been difficult to uproot it from my mind because of its stubbornness in nature.
My family was hit hard by a series of shock waves during the Cultural Revolution. Everything took a different turn for us ranging from big issues such as joining the Communist Party and the Communist Youth League, job assignment, public opinion to trivial things such as food and clothing.
There were privileges before with my father strongly backing us up. It was relatively easy to join the Party, the Youth League and get a so-called good job. Our ears were filled with compliments on our revolutionary family and our eyes were sweetened

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by social admiration for our family background. A sense of superiority of being born red emerged. Taking it for granted, we enjoyed being pampered and spoiled in an excellent material life. We never took it as a shame but rather a glory.
The great torrents of the Cultural Revolution swept them away. There were no more privileges, neither was there my father to lean against. Gone with them was my superiority complex. What remained in its place was a sense of inferiority. Material life deteriorated and family finances ended in crisis. Joining the Party and the Youth Leagues also became many folds more difficult than before. On a job assignment, we had no other choice but heading to places others regarded as the most difficult to live. All of these, when viewed from the perspectives of personal interest, were bad luck, nothing but pure bad luck. I blamed my hateful father. I blamed myself for having such a father. The more I blamed, the more I was resigning myself to fate emerged. Everything was doomed together with my father.
Our social status "dropped ten thousand feet in a flash" from before the Cultural Revolution. From the view of personal interest, it was bad luck. However, from the perspective of the revolution as well as transformation of ourselves, such drastic decline was great for us! We fell from the dangerous top social position detached from the masses to the workers, peasants and soldiers' class. Such a fall enabled us to receive their reeducation through the rustication movement.
With my father's falling, I managed to abandon the superiority of being born red in a revolutionary family. I no longer felt that I was a cut above others. On the contrary, I saw an urgent need to transform myself and to shake off the influence
of my counter-revolutionary father over a decade long. This transformation was made possible after the drastic fall. Without such a decline, there would never be a ninety-degree angle turn. Only after I realized the necessity of self-transformation, could I consciously make the effort to materialize it. Such realization is of great value to my own physical and mental development.
In the past, we depended on our parents for everything. "Children benefit from their revolutionary parents". But now, with our fathers overthrown, we have nothing to lean against. We would no longer rely on our parents and family but on ourselves and the triumphant Mao Zedong Thought. I could leave my parents, my family but not Mao Zedong Thought. I would be able to overcome all difficulties and solve all problems with Chairman Mao's teaching.

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I have toughened myself, and made my way out guided exclusively by Mao Zedong Thought. Equipped with Mao Zedong Thought, I could be completely self-reliant, self-managing and self- educating. Changes like this would not have been possible three years ago when I was a good-for-nothing. Having gone through the test of the Cultural Revolution, I have been re-molded and grown up in big winds and waves.
With the fall of my father, so did our material life fall. This big drop in our living conditions enabled me to understand the value of hard working and plain living. The previous luxurious life left me feeling ashamed and I transformed from pursuing luxury in the past to becoming easily satisfied with simple living. I am better than ever prepared for hard living conditions. Having grown accustomed to plain living in the past three years, I saw myself going through a transition from yearning for luxury to leaving it out of my memory, and then to further realizing that plain living is beneficial. Being infatuated with excessive material life leads to political corruption, erosion of willpower and ideology, reducing him into a person of comfort-seeking and of low taste. Young people should be willing to bear more hardship. Only through hard physical work and labor can one become a true dauntless and unyielding person.
Those from the soiled family ground were usually sent to production teams during a job assignment. What is wrong with going to production teams? This is the bright road that Chairman Mao illuminated for China's youth. Chairman Mao called on the educated youth to integrate with the masses of workers and peasants, thus building a formidable great wall. Some short-sighted people failed to understand Chairman Mao's visionary teaching and to see the brightness of this great summon. They were blind and utterly hopeless. We strongly believe in Chairman Mao's teaching and the road for the young advocated by Mao would become brighter and
wider. Why are we interrupted by the anti-youth movement gossip floating around the society? These kinds of evil winds and noxious influences are rooted in private interests stressing on material life and personal gains and losses. This attitude of despising workers and peasants was an extension of Liu Shaoqi's 15 Theory on Backwardness of Masses. Eventually the evil wind will be blown away by the strong east wind of Mao Zedong Thought. More than some others, we are the ones who need to be tempered by trying in difficult conditions. Therefore, most of us were sent to production teams in the countryside. It reflects the expectation that Chairman Mao and the Party had for us. We, as the "transformable sons and daughters", should stand up to all tests and live up to the expectation from Chairman Mao and the Party.
From the standpoint of revolutionary interest, I fully approve and embrace our "big fall"! When put in the perspective of proletariats,

15. Liu Shaoqi: Liu Shaoqi was the president of the People's Republic of China from 1958-1966. He was purged by Mao during the Cultural Revolution and criticized as China's biggest capitalist roader and traitor. He was imprisoned, tortured, and died all by himself in 1969 at the age of seventy. In 1980, his reputation was restored, and he was granted a national memorial service.

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I no longer take it as bad luck.
Although it is much more difficult to join the Communist Youth League and the Communist Party now than before, we do not engage ourselves in revolution for the sake of joining, but for the goal of emancipation of mankind. If we are loyal to the Party's revolutionary cause, engage ourselves in the revolution whole-heartedly and set strict demands on ourselves in accordance with the standard for party and league members, we are doing our jobs. When our organizations judge that we have met the requirements, the door will be open to us. Nevertheless, even if we were admitted as members, but not spiritually, we would still not become true and worthy members of the party and the league. Therefore, instead of thinking about joining the league and the party, we should endeavor to climb to the peak of Communist thought.
With a fierce mental struggle, the rays of Chairman Mao Thought penetrated my dark side and shone in mind. I transformed my attitude towards joining the league and the party from passive to proactive. I transformed from the previously "leaving everything to fate", to the new mindset: I can't choose my family, but I can choose my own path to pursue.
Liu Shulin told me that my progress will not sustain without solving the family issue. She is correct that I would not be able to take big strides forward on the revolutionary road while bearing the family burden.
First of all, I would need to get rid of the thought "bad luck", I would then resort to clear the family influence and make a clean break from it. This is difficult to accomplish due to the uncertain elements involved with my father's status.
This is a problem.
In the campaign of Four Goods 16 general evaluation, our squad had a heated argument on the First and Third Good involving many issues including the relationship between politics and economy, and politics and culture. The good thing is answers were found through the debates from which everyone had gained.
In the discussion, everyone gave a speech as personal evaluations. I talked about the experiences gained and lessons learned since our arrival. It was well received and endorsed by some squad mates, but I did not feel that I had evaluated my thoughts thoroughly. The comrades liked my speech because it was a timely performance evaluation compliant with Chairman Mao's teaching. After repeating the evaluation process many times, I came to realize that this is not an easy thing to do. We need to tap our mind all the time. Only with frequent contemplation and brain racking, we can objectively and truthfully evaluate ourselves. A fair self- evaluation could not be obtained without effort.

16. The campaign of the Four Goods Companies refers to a set of criteria for evaluating the Chinese People's Liberation Army prevalent between 1960-1971. The Four Goods are: good political ideology, good work style, good military training, and good life management. The campaign ceased to exist after 1971 with the downfall of Lin Biao.

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The following is a list of feedback I received after my own evaluation speech:
Qin Xiaohua brought up several issues:
1. Continue to attach more importance on my style of study;
2. Attach more importance to the collective construction of the company. Rather than focusing on personal growth and progress, we need to help others to advance together.
Style of study is an issue we often encounter, not once, twice, but repeatedly. I should examine my study style to ensure its decency and honesty.
In practice, I came to know the advantages of "Study with questions in mind, learn by doing, target at immediate issues to produce instant results and focus on practical application". I contemplated a series of issues regarding farming and border region protection, read some of Chairman Mao's quotations and found good answers. Those seemingly hard-to-solve problems were readily solved with answers from Chairman Mao's teachings. This is the best example of producing instant results. With my thinking straightened out, my action followed suit. I no longer complained in doing physical labor such as collecting firewood and winter preparation because I have found the internal connections. This study enabled me to understand that by learning in a decent style, I could apply Mao Zedong Thought to problem solving in real life. Aware of the benefits, I will continue with this way of learning.
My family background affected my application to join the Communist Youth League. I became frustrated with this old issue unsolved in the past and is not being solved at present. I thought of putting it aside, thus adopting a passive attitude. But a problem remains a problem if it is not tackled. It should not be avoided but dealt with through struggle.
Applying Mao Zedong Thought in problem solving is called learn by doing. Avoiding problems instead of dealing with it with revolutionary theory is divorcing theory from reality. Where shall we apply the theory learned from books? Shall we just let them become empty dogmas? It is time to correct this.

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I started to place all the problems on the table.Thanks to the help from other comrades, I have initiated a more proactive attitude about joining the Youth League. The old problem was finally solved. I again tasted the sweetness of learning by doing.
Chairman Mao taught us: "Social assets were created by workers, peasants and intellectuals themselves. If these people grasp their destiny, follow the guidance of Marxist and Leninist road, don't avoid any problems, but to solve them proactively, any difficulties in mankind can be overcome."
This great teaching of Chairman Mao has proved to be universally true.
Collecting manure (the Fifth and Ninth companies)
Military training (packing up our backpacks; live firing practice)
Being prepared now for warfare against invasions (read newspapers & writing reports)
Leveling the land (follow Jin Xunhua's example)
Lighting stove (the smartest are the ones with practical experience)
While I was at the Ninth Company just settling down at the fish farm after being transferred from Weiketu, our campaign of collecting manure started. In order to complete the task of manure collection before the Spring Festival, we worked day and night. With a shortage of supplies in carts and spades, we maintained a workflow of twenty four hours a day taking turns to rest.
Comrade Jin Xunhua wrote in his diary: "I have formed a habit: I become depressed if I do not engage in physical labor. Idling makes me feel bad. Fighting with earth brings me great happiness." How rare it is to have such feelings! The educated from schools in the past were those who hated labor and loved ease. They were not willing to do any physical labor. Some participated in physical labor before, but could not experience happiness, neither felt depressed without the experience. For them, Life would be most enjoyable in comfort.
However, we followed Chairman Mao's teaching and entered society. In the Three Great Revolutions, the educated youth from cities experienced a deep transformation in their thoughts. Comrade Jin Xunhua is the most outstanding example, and an excellent role model for us, the revolutionary educated youth, to follow.

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It has been six months since I joined the Production and Construction Corps. Although I did not run as fast as Jin Xunhua on the bright road guided by Chairman Mao, I have made some progress, especially in my attitude towards labor. Nowadays, fighting against the earth makes me happy and idling sometimes brings me uneasiness and discomfort. I yearn for labor, a joy and delight!
In Weiketu, there was a period of time when we spent most of the time studying and discussing. The endless indoor study, discussion and meetings without any outdoor activities and physical labor made me feel suffocated and uncomfortable. I lived in the city before and hardly did any physical work. However, living like that didn't bother me. In fact, the less I did, the more I detested work. I became lazy. After I joined the Production and Construction Corps with myself fully devoted to work, I developed a taste for physical labor. I changed from my previous prejudice against labor to conscious participation, from the previous detesting of labor to feeling uneasiness without it. This is a profound transformation, which was only achievable in practice. One can never experience the true meaning of happiness in fighting against heaven and earth without experiencing it. Being closely attached to physical labor, we would be guaranteed not be eroded by revisionism.
Soon after the move from Weiketu to the Fish Farm, we started transporting manure. Everyone was bursting with energy accumulated from preceding long hours of indoor study.
As soon as the campaign began, we went all out to participate!
As the work started, everyone demonstrated inspiration, encouragement and new fighting spirit! We gave our best effort, pulling carts, digging and shoveling the manure. Everyone was making his utmost effort. After working several days, we became totally exhausted, but we kept pushing on in the spirit of fearing neither hardship nor death. By then, we were no longer pulling carts with physical energy, but willpower and Chairman Mao's thought—the ultimate source of our energy. How could we expect to accomplish this glorious but challenging task of producing more grain to prepare for the war, without the spirit armed with Chairman Mao's thought? Every bit more preparation will get us step closer to our final victory. Is it true that we depend on all our might to accomplish the mission little by little? Communism is not to be awaited, but rather worked out through every effort, a little bit at a time. How will Communism be realized? Will not this final goal be achieved via every little dash of run propagated by Guan Chengfu? How would we otherwise expedite our paces on the road towards communism?

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Whenever these thoughts came to my mind, I felt fully charged leaving all exhaustion and hardship behind.
Under the guidance of Mao Zedong Thought, we persevered for a week and finally finished transporting manure.
After I was transferred to the Fifth Company, I participated again in the campaign of transporting manure assigned to the Company, and I was determined to work hard with this energy!
The job was quite tiring. Each trip took more than half an hour. We worked on repeated trips over seven hours daily. The total distance exceeded ten kilometers. The fastest and most efficient workload was seven roundtrips a day. The slower ones could do five or six trips. The difference of one or two trips requires extra effort and fuller vigor under the spirit of making revolution with all might. One more trip meant more contribution and more hope for the final victory. This trivial contribution might be too insignificant to mention, but it is worth the effort. We acted accordingly. In the following few days, our team remained at the top speed.
We were always leading in the cart line. On the road, we passed others' carts one after another, and the faster we pulled, the more energetic we became. We did not look at our work simply as pulling carts. Rather, we took it to demonstrate that we have mustered our entire energy to strive for the best and didn't slack off in work; that we committed ourselves whole-heartedly and not half-heartedly.
While at the Ninth Company, our daily routine included military training in many categories such as crawling forward, tossing grenades, packing infantry knapsacks and conducting reconnaissance. Emergency assemblies were frequent at night. During these emergency assemblies, we were required to pack up knapsacks in total darkness as if in war times. We kept our knapsack kit under our pillows, so we could pick them up anytime on the go.
Upon my arrival at the Fish Farm, I noticed a strange phenomenon. If the emergency assembly was planned, some people would get their knapsacks packed beforehand and sleep with their clothes on. Once the call sounded, they would rush to the assembly ground in no time. However, not everyone followed suit. Others went to bed as usual. Once the call sounded, they put on their clothes and packed their knapsacks orderly, even when they might be the last ones to get to the ground.

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They were more candid and more down to earth than those who prepared beforehand and ran to the grounds first. Those who might be the first on the assembly ground did not seek truth from facts and their little tricks could only be used for drills but not actual warfare. American imperialists would launch surprise attacks without prior notifications. Would you do your preparations and then wait for them? Impossible! Those who did preparations beforehand unpacked their backpack and then went to sleep after the drill. The only way we could best prepare ourselves for a surprise attack is to be swift and decisive and to master superb knapsack packing skills. Emergency assembly drills were intended to train us for these skills. Any opportunistic preparations make these drills meaningless.
As the significance of emergency assembly drill was clarified, we remained calm and orderly whenever the drill was conducted. We understood that we should do whatever we are supposed to do in such a drill while prepared mentally for any emergencies.
We also learned to toss grenades. Progress was obvious after some painstaking practice and efforts. My throwing distance extended to twenty meters from a dozen at the beginning.
We then had a chance to toss real grenades, the first time in my life. I was very curious before the practice, and I didn't feel I had enough when it was over. Besides, I tossed only a short distance. I would need to have more practice in order to meet war requirements.
Recently, our main task was to level the ground. The Company Commander's talk specified its importance. If the ground is not level, tractors are not able to sow seeds properly. So we need to have it done before sowing seeds. Best effort must be given as it is part of our revolutionary cause.
While leveling the ground, I thought of Comrade Jin Xunhua's saying: "It is quite exhausting to hoe the ground for hours without stopping. However, if you know how to slack off, it might not be that tiring at all. It all depends on your attitude towards physical labor."
Leveling the ground is the same. It is very tiring if you try to do a good job. But you may just get by if you rest sometimes and pretend doing the work. I made up my mind to follow Jin Xunhua's words. I worked in the field for several hours without a pause. When I looked at the leveled field where I had worked, I was happy to see my work had come to fruition. This is the standard that I set for myself: I would always try my best! I felt content and joyous after the work even though I was physically fatigued. On the contrary, those who loafed on the job would feel apologetic and sorry deep in their hearts. This mental stress could overpower physical exhaustion.

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At the Fifth Company, the boiler room was not attended. The cafeteria did not prepare any boiled water for us. Our drinking water was freezing well water. The water we used to wash our face and feet was also freezing cold. Since the weather in early February was frigid, we felt that we would need to work out a way to provide ourselves hot water. Some comrades from other squads came to help us to build a brick stove. Several of us planned to light the stove. However, no one ever did that before. For the first time, it took us quite some time to raise the fire, but it did not last long before it went out. For the second time, I took the responsibility, but the fire went out again. Finally, I managed to light it, only to see it dying again before heating a single bucket of water. At that time, I realized that the seemingly
easy job of lighting a stove was not what I had imagined, and as a result we continued with freezing water.
A few days later, Wang Lingcai and Liu Shuling raised the fire without any problem. Everyone was happy with the supply of hot water. At that time, I started to blame myself for being so dumb. I had to admit my lack of experience in comparison with theirs. Sometimes, instead of sharing their experiences, they would wait till they could have a good laugh at us and make us feel that we are dependent on them. We must break the "monopolizing" circumstances. We could not allow some to make things difficult for us. Although we admit we were not as experienced, but gradually we would master these life skills, so that we would not be laughed at in the future.
My reflection on newspapers reading

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February 18, Wednesday

It has been several days since I was transferred from the Ninth Company to the Fifth. I felt extremely attached to the teaching of Vice Chairman Lin Biao.
Vice Chairman Lin Biao taught us: when we face squarely the front, the back and the future of everything and engage ourselves with full confidence and in solidarity, we will be able to overcome various difficulties which we would never have thought we could.
Out of the revolutionary needs, fifty-one members of the Ninth Company were transferred to the Fifth. I was one of them. From now on, I am officially a soldier of the Fifth Company.
I had given quite a bit of thoughts to the issue of this transfer which could be summed up in simply one thought: Will I be able to continue my revolution in the new organization? My active contemplation hindered my enthusiasm to continuous revolution. I sank to low morale, felt short of energy and became full of complaints. The transfer and the following uncertainty also left me in a state of depression in contrast to the vigor and vitality I had before. I knew it would be impossible to do well in this mood. But how shall I change it? How to approach and solve the problems? Chairman Mao's Thoughts are the beacon light and very source of our energy. I will resort to the triumphant Chairman Mao Thought to help me handle this transfer.
"Too much complaint is heartbreaking; we need to broaden our mind and look ahead. Don't say that Kunming Lake is too shallow; it provides a better view of fishes than Fuchun River." This poem composed by Chairman Mao with a broad mind and vision inspired and encouraged his soldiers! I would need to broaden my mind, stand high and see far.
I left the Ninth Company with a skeptical attitude about the new Fifth Company. Upon my transfer, I formed some new opinions of my own from what I heard and observed. The people were different in these two organizations. My initial contacts with the Fifth Company Commander left me the impression that she was absorbed with daily trivia and was incompetent and negligent in political education. It was poorly disciplined and managed. Besides, I also heard that the company was notorious for its lack in moral integrity. Evaluating the team against the Four Goods, this organization was truly behind! Instead of emphasizing political thoughts as the priority, they stressed higher productivity and fulfillment of duties. In initiating a production campaign, the commander said "we will eat whatever we produce. If we fail to produce well, there will be no good food for us next year." Is he expecting to motivate his people like this? Did agricultural production merely serve the purpose of planting more and better food for next year? If we had come here for this, we would have been better off returning to cities. In case we fail to produce a good crop, are there no other consequences than depriving ourselves of good food next year?

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Words like these would generate opposite effects, that we are producing only to satisfy our own stomachs and it would not matter significantly.
Chairman Mao taught us: "The hardworking spirit will not be generated without adhering to persistent political direction, which in return, will not be implemented without the hardworking."
The Company Commander's motivation speech without emphasizing the proletariat politics could not designate a persistent political direction and thus would not stimulate people to throw themselves into hard work.
Since my arrival at the Fifth Company, I found out that life here was not as good as the Ninth Company in terms of room, board and food. In addition to the harsher conditions here to start with, it was more a reflection of poor management. Several instances showcased what I meant. The commander told us that cooking pots and oil lamps were all distributed and delivered to each squad, yet due to lack of care,
cooking pots were used as urine pots and oil lamps were broken, resulting in acute shortage of daily necessities. The cafeteria was another example. We received the exact same supplies as other companies, flour, vegetables, etc. However, food served here was not of good taste. We learned from the public denunciation meeting against Cao the other day, the food problem was not because of supply, but rather poor political consciousness of the cafeteria workers who failed to serve wholeheartedly by not taking their responsibility seriously. Their poor service could negatively impact comrades' morale and energy level. From the perspective that sparse material supplies could strengthen one's willpower, we shouldn't complain. But our health might be affected in the long run. People said we would not complain if our living conditions were impoverished to start with. However, we would find it difficult to tolerate in instances when despondent condition was created artificially because of poor management.
"The criteria for Four Goods are interconnected and inseparable. Any one good cannot stand on its own. All four have to be in place."
"Great attention must be given to enhance living conditions of the masses, particularly during the time when we are vigilant in preparing against war. Everything needs to be done to ensure that our forces' stay well-armed and strong."
"Good political thought is the key and the command in the Four Goods criteria. It is the first and foremost while the other three are to be complying. Without the first criterion, the other three are not worth talking about."
This is the description of Fifth Company presented above. With the absence of political ideology as the lead, everything else fell behind. Production was low, and so was the morale.
The reality of the Fifth Company best proved Vice Chairman Lin Biao's remarks: "The Four Good criteria would not work if the fundamentals were not in good place."

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The Four Good criteria are interconnected. One good is not enough, neither two nor three. Politics should be the command and the others are to be commanded.
If political education is not taken seriously as the command, other aspects of our life and work would fall apart!
Life management is an important integral aspect of the four goods, which would directly impact our revolutionary life and production. What transpired at the Fifth Company best exemplified it.
Those who were well-fed would have more energy than those who were not. People would understand and tighten their belts if food supply was in shortage. But it was not the case here. Instead, the flour in the cafeteria was stolen and poor management was to blame.
What I discussed above were the "negative" aspects of the Fifth Company. There is no denying it and we should face them squarely.
But how shall we tackle these issues? When I first saw the Fifth Company in a mess, I thought about leaving it with the hope I would not be here for long. But immediate transfer was impossible since I just came on board. I felt that I was unfortunate I had no alternative but to stay.
Only two days after I got here, I was assigned to cut reeds. The next day we started to transport manure. Looking at the large manure piles (dunghills) here as many and as big as in the Ninth Company, and knowing that it would take a long time to finish transporting them, I couldn't help complaining: "I had just completed the same task in the Ninth Company with lots of efforts. I have to repeat the same chores here and will exhaust myself again in the days to come." I was not willing to work hard this time. Did my complaints generate from my fear of hardship? If I were in the Ninth Company, I would not have had so many complaints even when the work was harder! So, fearing hardship is not what caused my lack of enthusiasm and energy.
On Daily Read, we studied "In memory of Dr. Norman Bethune" 17. This study was like a timely rainfall in drought that touched my heart.
Chairman Mao said: "What kind of spirit is this that makes a foreigner selflessly adopt the cause of the Chinese people's liberation as his

17. Dr. Norman Bethune (1890-1939). A Canadian physician, Bethune came to international prominence first for his service as a frontline surgeon supporting the Republican faction during the Spanish Civil War. He later worked to support the Communist Party of China's Eighth Route Army during the Sino-Japanese War. Bethune helped bring modern medicine to rural China and often treated sick villagers as well as wounded soldiers. His service to the CPC earned him the favor of Mao Zedong, who wrote a eulogy for him when he died of infection during a surgery in 1939.

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own? It is the spirit of internationalism, the spirit of communism, from which every Chinese Communist
must learn. This spirit is "what we adopt to oppose both narrow nationalism and narrow patriotism". The world revolution will only succeed "if the proletariat of the capitalist countries supports the struggle for liberation of the colonial and semi- colonial peoples and if the proletariat of the colonies and semi-colonies support that of the proletariat of the capitalist countries.
Chairman Mao's teaching helped me realize what was behind my complaint: absence of communist spirit in my mind.
My transfer to the Fifth Company was based on the need of the revolution and war preparedness. All of what we did here at the Fifth Company was an integral part of the revolution. I only took what we did at the Ninth as our revolution and my responsibility. I felt that I was very detached from the Fifth. I did not have Dr. Bethune's Communist Spirit "to selflessly adopt the cause of the Chinese people's liberation as his own". As a matter of fact, this is narrow parochialism. I failed to understand all we do here and do well is for the victory of world revolution rather than for our small units. With Dr. Bethune's communist spirit, I would not have cared where I was and what I did. I would have connected what I did with the whole revolutionary cause. I would not have restricted myself to the narrow interest of this or that unit. I would need to open my mind and broaden my horizon with my motherland and whole world in vision.
Chairman Mao also taught us: "What is our work? Our work is to struggle. Wherever there are problems and concerns that need us to solve, we go there to work and to struggle. Where there are more difficulties and hardship, the more we urge ourselves to go. Only then one is considered a good comrade." I studied this quotation countless times before, but hadn't been more inspired and encouraged than I am today.
My transfer from the Ninth Company to the Fifth exactly followed Chairman Mao's teaching "to go to those places where there are more problems and difficulties."
I often claim: "Where there are more difficulties and hardship, where we are urged to go. One who does it is a good comrade." But, I seemed to have left Chairman Mao's teaching behind at a critical time when we were in real need. Do I qualify to be a good comrade as I seem to prefer going to a better place? I laid aside the revolutionary theory and did not strive to implement it in practice. I merely played lip service.
We are called to go to those under-developed and more difficult places to construct and transform,

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which is of great benefits to our own transformation. The more hardships there is, the higher standard we need to set for ourselves. Only by doing so, we will not fall behind.

March 2, Monday

Vice Chairman Lin Biao taught us: "to prioritize politics is to promptly grasp our fresh thoughts as they occur and to analyze it theoretically. Our theory is Mao Zedong Thought, which guides us in seeking solutions to all problems."
A Study in "On Practice", "On the Correct Handling of Contradictions Among the People".

March 17

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April 10

A Summary
The last week saw some transfers in the company. Two from our squad left and three new members came. Our squad leader left and the current one was the formerly deputy leader of the 25th Squad.
It has been a week since the personnel changes. Great changes have taken place, changes in the squad and the platoon. We took a big leap forward in the campaign to achieve Four Goods.
Vice Chairman Lin taught us: "To improve living conditions depends on available resources on the one hand, and our own efforts on the other. Each company should give its best on everything that comes its way. Otherwise, even favorable conditions could end with negative results."

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April 29, Wednesday

I was inspired by the heroic deeds of Zhang Kongquan 18, which enabled me to find the huge ideological gap between the hero and myself. In comparison with the hero's lofty ideals, I found myself small and insignificant. I am committed to advancement with the hero as my role model and his spirit as my guidance.
During the busy Spring ploughing season, we had very intense physical labor. All the chores such as transporting manure, digging ditches, pulling ploughs were tiring and demanding. After a full day's work, we had to plant trees and clean up during our leisure time. Besides, roll calls occurred frequently at night. Our own time was squeezed almost to none. We often felt strained. Now Sunday-off was cancelled and we had to work on Sundays as well. Sometimes we were given half a day for personal cleaning up.
Due to the intensity of work and study, our rest time became inadequate. I felt very sleepy during the day. I simply needed more time to rest. People started to complain. We were low in morale and our energy level dwindled.
Just at this time, the heroic deeds of Zhang Kongquan were published. I used this report to reflect on my thinking, action and everyday life.
"On Zhang's daily schedule, the word "rest" didn't appear. Every day he worked for others selflessly and he worked with all his might for the revolution."
One day before his death, Zhang Kongquan worked eighteen hour which was not merely a common day of his life, but the epitome of his life! He died at his work and worked till his last breath for the revolution. He fought as long as he was alive. He gave all his own including his life to the people's revolutionary cause. In his lofty communist spirit, there was no trace of what Liu Shaoqi called "love yourself" "protect your own life and health". Zhang said: "The bottom line in making revolution is the word "waging" it. We would work hard, do solid work and wage the revolution at the expense of our lives when necessary." He did what he said.
How was it that Zhang neglected his own health and life and risked them under the circumstance of terminal illness? His power came from Mao Zedong Thought. His teaching "to serve our people wholeheartedly" empowered Zhang with boundless strength, which could conquer diseases, fatigue and anything else.

18. Zhang Kongquan was a Chinese Air Force commander known for his utmost dedication to fulfillment of his responsibilities at work. He delayed medical treatment for his severe heart disease and passed away on December 20, 1969.

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The gap between the hero and me was enormous! Without firmly grasping the principle of serving the people wholeheartedly, I did not fight like Zhang and didn't give every bit of strength I had. Fatigue and sleepiness drove me to complain. Completion of certain work contented me, but I was not willing to go all out. All can be traced to a lack of the spirit to serve wholeheartedly. In contrast to
the hero, I was young and healthy, but only with this spirit, could I adhere to fear neither hardship nor death, overcome all challenges and retain the eternal exuberant vitality.
"The grand and splendid communist mansion is erected with numerous bricks and sands, while the glorious life of a revolutionary soldier is composed with countless days and nights of hard work and fighting."
Every one of us should learn from Comrade Zhang Kongquan, who spent every day of his life and his entire life to endless struggle. We should start from now and from every trivial thing that we do. We should take him as our example, going all out and spending every day of our life to fight for the revolution.

April 30, Thursday

Great heartening news came a couple of days ago: China's first satellite was launched successfully! It is another incontrovertible proof: Those who were armed with Mao Zedong Thought can create miracles!
This great success was achieved by scientists and engineers who worked day and night guided by Chairman Mao's teaching "grasp revolution and promote production, enhance work and prepare against the war". It was also a great accomplishment of their breadth of vision and substantial work. We are the soldiers of corps and our main mission is to open more wasteland and produce more grains to prepare for the war. Our jobs are different from those of scientists, but our goal is the same—to realize communism. Thus, we also need to grasp revolution, promote production, work hard and prepare against the war.
The physical labor in the last half a year tanned my complexion and roughened my skin. I might look rustic from head to toe, but my mind was cleansed. My brain has become purer although my face looked darker. I now look like a laborer and began to dislike those city folks with fair complexions. They never experienced any harsh winds and waves. We look rustic but I take great pride in it.

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Those who hung on and refused to leave Beijing still lived a parasitic life. Good- for-nothing as they were, they never experienced the extreme pleasure of fighting with Heaven and Earth but enjoyed their material life in their pitiful cozy nest.
While we embarked on the road of integrating with workers and peasants and taking a step forward, they took a step backward. Chairman Mao said: "The so-called objective world which is to be transformed includes those who oppose any transformation. Their transformation could only be achieved by force before they would voluntarily engage themselves. The world will enter communism when all human beings would consciously work to transform themselves while transforming the world."
Everybody needs to reform. The only difference lies in self-consciousness and vice versa. There are always some reluctant to be transformed. Eventually they will still be transformed, perhaps by being forced to do so. Therefore, we are ahead of them by taking initiative reeducating ourselves. We are proud of ourselves and feel glorious in doing so!
However, a small minority do not feel glorious in stepping forward on the revolutionary roads. They feel depressed, worrying about looking like a country bumpkin compared with city folks. They look rustic and tanned, but their thoughts haven't turned red ideologically.
We are so proud of ourselves while experiencing the big winds and waves. This year our May 1st celebration of labor's day will not be the same as before. We will welcome this festival as members of the working class with clear conscience.

May 10

Chairman Mao pointed out in his well-known On Practice 19: "Our social practice is not limited to production activity as the only one format. There are various other formats, such as class struggle and political life. In a word, people participate in all aspects of social activities. Therefore, a person's knowledge is acquired from political and cultural lives in addition to material life, from which he develops his understanding of person-to-person relationships. Among them, class struggle of various kinds most profoundly influenced the development of human understanding."
Recalling the last three years, I found that turbulent class struggle in the Proletarian Cultural Revolution most profoundly impacted development of our understanding. Through numerous ordeals of class struggles. I was transformed from an ignorant
and incompetent 'good-for-nothing' to a self-managing, self-reliant and independent thinking individual.

19. On Practice: One of Mao Zedong's most important philosophical works. Along with On Contradiction, this essay is a part of lectures Mao gave in 1937. It expresses Mao's support for Marxism and attempts to establish a distinctly Chinese brand of communist philosophy. It exposes the subjectivist errors of dogmatism and empiricism in the CPC.

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I could analyze and judge whatever I encountered with my own brain. Just as Lenin said: "During the revolutionary time, what millions of people learned in a week outweighs what they learned in a year of their muddling lives."

May 21

Today we lined up and came to the rice paddies after breakfast. We were assigned to weed the paddies. Guided by our instructors, we took off our socks and shoes, rolled up our sleeves and pants, walked into the marsh paddy field and started pulling weeds. The marsh was quite deep and pulling out our legs was strenuous each time. Weeds, especially reeds, were also difficult to pull. We pushed on slowly and mud splashed all over our bodies and even got into our mouths. After working for a whole morning, we only weeded a small area.
In the afternoon, we were led to weed in the paddies immersed in water. Weeding here was much easier in comparison with the morning task. Water felt very cold at first, but coldness gave away when sun shone over our heads. With hot sun on our heads and cold water under our knees, it felt very comfortable indeed. We joked that a swimming pool had been set up in the rice paddies. The more we weeded, the deeper the water level, until it reached our knees. Due to my clumsiness, water splashed all over my body, wetting my shirt and pants. But I couldn't care less. We worked hard for the entire day, returning to campus with two muddy legs, and muddy clothes all over.

May 22

We continued to pull up weeds today in the muddy paddies. This time here was hardly any water in the paddies. Weeds were deeply rooted in the ground and were very hard to pull up. After only a short time, our hands started to ache. The morning passed by; the afternoon passed by. We were totally exhausted by the time we were approaching the finish time. But a big portion of the paddies remained to be weeded. By then, it took us extra effort to pull up every weed. Our hands were seized with sharp and unbearable pain. I looked at the paddies and became frustrated: When can we finish this weeding? We had no tools and could only depend on our own hands. When will the paddies be seeded at this pace? It seemed to me that working hard like this could no longer meet the production needs. We should tap our brain to resort to more skillful options to complete this
difficult task. I felt adhering to the spirit of hard working shouldn't prevent us from learning to work resourcefully. We would miss good production timing

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without coming up with new skills which in turn will negatively impact the masses' motivation, and the hard-working spirit.
Hard working is the first and foremost. The spirit of fearing no hardship nor death provides us the best opportunity to temper our willpower. We will push head on in face of great challenges. We will never yield to hardship, beg for God's mercy or surrender to Nature. We will not continue to be slaves of Nature. We will move God with our spirit of hard work and overcome Nature with our skills.
As we were launching our struggle with Nature, we would overcome all difficulties with an indomitable will.
Returning home, I found my two legs in sharp pain with many small cuts from the weeds. I also suffered sunburn and my skin began to peel. The two days' hard work in the rice paddies deeply darkened my complexion, but it was a good training!

May 23

I spent the whole day today hoeing wheat in the fields. Today is the first day of our great campaign! We should follow Chairman Mao's teaching to carry forward the fine tradition of continuous fighting. We would give every ounce of our strength and not give up until we finally complete the task.
The arduous tasks are laid before us, one after another. We would be defeated without the spirit of continuous fighting! The agricultural chores in the fields during the busy spring ploughing season were endless: digging ditches, pulling ploughs, weeding, hoeing wheat, etc.
(1) Tianjin clapper talk show; (2) chatting (with Zhang and Liu); (3) the issue of joining the Communist Youth League

May 31

Arduous tasks followed one after another. We spent two days barely finishing hoeing the wheat in a hundred-acre field before confronting another difficult task:
The No. 3 water pump broke due to poor management. The Fourth Company's one hundred acres of seeded field was inundated and submerged. How could we just look on? Under the direction of regimen's leaders, we engaged in the campaign before the night was out. Around 9:00 and 10:00 PM, May 29, it drizzled and was pitch-dark. We rushed to the flooded fields in the rain and immediately threw ourselves into work. We lined up and used basins to ladle out water from the fields, quickly passing them from one to another and dumping the water into the ditch. We worked intensely and soon everyone became soaked in rain and water.

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We worked in high spirit for over three hours non-stop. The rainy night was filled with steaming-hot enthusiasm mixed with our singing, sounds of rain and strikes of basin. Three hours later, we were allowed to return to campus. Only when we got out the flooded fields did we feel the bone-chilling coldness. The wet clothes clung to our bodies. The wind blew and we shivered. Our feet and hands gradually turned numb. The weather in Inner Mongolia was so changeable and unpredictable that rainy days could stay very cold even in May. We ran and staggered along the muddy road to the direction of our campus.
The next day around 5:00 PM while digging ditches, we were told to assemble and return to our campus. In the auditorium, the regimen leader made a speech. He sharply criticized our failure to fight continuously last night. Although we worked for three hours in rain, we left behind the task unfinished, without completely draining the flooded fields. He said this is a typical act of irresponsibility, similarly to a doctor who would not help saving the life of a dying person. He said this was equivalent to a criminal act. The regiment head quickly instructed us to throw ourselves into the fight, right away and unwaveringly, with the determination of not returning home until the hundred acres field is completely drained. He also told us the soldiers of the Ninth Company would come to our aid. So, all in all, we had three companies fighting together. After the mobilization, we rushed to the fields and were joined with the Ninth Company soldiers on the way.
The flood extended on land over a hundred acres. The deepest part was over our knees. A water pump was in operation. We dug out a ditch to connect with a dried canal with the hope that we would be able to redirect water from the field, only to find out water led to the canal gushed back. We had no other choice but resorting to using basins to ladle out water.
By the time we received our basins, it was already dark. Due to the delay of other comrades, we waited in vain for over three hours in rain. Our wet clothes, shoes and socks clung to our bodies and our feet were numb from the freezing cold. We jostled and warmed each other with our body warmth. An hour passed by, and then another. The basins were still not here. At that time, people from the Sixth Platoon started their work. We felt so bad sitting on the bank doing nothing. I felt so cold and low in spirit that I didn't answer the repeated calling from our squad leader when he decided to send another round back to the dorms to fetch basins.

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Finally, the basins arrived, and we started to work. Trekking through more muddy fields, we entered the flooded field with water higher than our knees. How hard it was to walk in water that deep and slippery! After reaching our destiny, we began to ladle out water from this side to the ditch on the other side. We passed along the basins while singing songs. Everyone was exhausted having worked days and nights in the last two days. Singing revolutionary songs helped drive away our sleepiness and fatigue. We worked over an hour in knee-high flood.
As we came out of the flood, the cold wind numbed our legs. We endured the pain and rushed back home.
I felt that I had reached my limit after these two day's hard work. My two legs were sore and achy. If we continue working like this, surely, I will develop arthritis.
Did this thinking accord with Chairman Mao's teaching "fearing neither hardship nor death"? Did it accord with daring to make sacrifice including life when it is necessary? Did this accord with fighting until the last breath? Liu's poisonous idea of self-love is still casting its shadow over my mind.
Since all I have is bestowed by the people, I belong to the people. Therefore, in the time of need, I should give myself to the people without any reservation. I should have no complaint even if my two legs were broken, let alone worrying about developing arthritis. This is what it meant by utter loyalty and devotion to people and the mindset of a selfless revolutionary soldier. Those who cherish themselves and hesitate to step forward bravely in times of need are filled with personal interests in their brain. They feel they are something when making any efforts and complain when going a little bit beyond. They are the cowards and weaklings. They will become potential traitors when circumstances arise that require them to sacrifice their lives for the interest of the people. I feel ashamed of them. I could pitifully become one of them if I didn't bitterly criticize the mentality "to cherish myself". I will never become one of them

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and instead will march forward towards the high communist ideological state.
From now on, I am determined not to complain no matter how hard and tiring the work is. In the time of hardship, I will keep Chairman Mao's teaching in mind: "There are often times when conditions become advantageous and positive with a little bit more perseverance."

June 5

For the last two days, our squad has been selecting rice seeds. We used carts to transport bags of rice to the well where we soaked rice in the pond nearby. We will plant them after they sprout. We returned to our dorms after we soaked rice. The warehouse keeper found out that three bags of wheat were mistakenly transported and soaked. He had them brought back. I did not go but stayed at the warehouse.
It had been quite a long wait before Lu Wei came to tell me that the wheat seeds fell into the deeper section of the pond and they failed to pull it out. Somebody would need to swim there to retrieve the bags. She asked me to accompany her to the swim because we were the only two swimmers in the squad. We changed clothes and ran to the pond.
Everyone had been waiting beside the pond. We took off our shirts and jumped in. This was my first time to be immersed in water since my arrival in Inner Mongolia. The water was deep, and our feet could hardly touch the bottom. I treaded water and tried to feel the bags with my feet but in vain. I dived to the bottom and tried to find the bags with raw eyes. Water was muddy and misty, I could only see some water reeds, but not the bags of wheat. I got back up to the surface to breathe and then treaded water again. Suddenly my feet touched the bags. I stepped on it and dived to the bottom again. I was finally able to pull the bags towards the banks. My comrades helped to pull the soaked wheat bags out of water.
What a wonderful opportunity to get into the water! Lu Wei and I kept on swimming in the pond. Either because we had been out of swimming practice for so long, or under stress right after pulling out bags, I was short of breath under water and felt suffocated very soon. I had to get out of the water. Looking like drenched chickens, we two rushed back to have a change of clothes.
I learned from this experience that swimming is very useful. I should practice more and excel at it. My skill was far from being good enough. I need to practice swimming to meet practical needs whenever possible.

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This afternoon, four of us went to the Ninth Company in a horse-drawn cart to get more rice seeds. As soon as we got there, we started to load bags of rice from the warehouse to the carts. In just a while, we finished loading the three hundreds catties of rice onto the cart. We took the same route back. Before we got out of the campus of Ninth Company, the cartwheels stuck in the mud. Four of us tried all ways attempting to pull the wheels out, but no success. We had to unload some bags from the cart before finally pulling the wheels out. We hurried on our trip. Two male comrades from our squad drove the horse-drawn cart. They were of the same age as I am yet have been shouldering the arduous and dangerous responsibility of carts-driving for every day's transportations. The cart team assigned two drivers for each cart and they took turns fulfilling day and night shifts. Whenever on bridges or in muddy swamps, they had to get off to push the cart, getting their shoes and pants all wet. When road conditions are not ideal, cart drivers sometimes had to rely on feet walking for miles to ensure safety for everyone. After riding on carts several times, I realized how hard and demanding their work was. It might well be one of the hardest in our company.
It was over seven o'clock when we got back to our campus. We had our dinner in haste and then started work again. Four of us were responsible for selecting the rice seeds and another four washed the selected seeds. We worked for another hour or so and completed ten bags of rice.
Today is a day of hard work, but full of joy! If we spend every day like today, full and accomplished without wasting a single minute, we could then devote all our time to work and study, calling it a day of revolutionary significance.

June 8

We need to break our regular and unchangeable daily routine! We need to get outside the box of an eight-hour working day! Whenever revolution requires us to work at night, we will work at night. No matter how long the hours are, we will go all out! A revolution is not a dinner party and it cannot be achieved with comfort and leisure. We must make revolution at risk of our lives. We will overcome sleepiness, fatigue and all hardships with the revolutionary spirit. A revolution is not gentle and temperate. What does it matter to sleep a bit less? What does it matter to rest a bit less? What does it matter to have dirty clothes soaked a bit longer before washing them? The peaceful life in the last two decades followed a steady routine pattern. But we are now in the era of intense war preparation. We need to come out of the prescribed old living style that we were used to during the peacetime and adapt to the needs of revolutionary warfare.

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June 12

For these several days, we have been hoeing up weeds, hoeing cornfields and peas fields. Hoeing requires a high sense of responsibility and meticulous care.
Chairman Mao taught us: "apply a boundless sense of responsibility in your work…" "Be responsible for the people."
Lacking a sense of responsibility, I rushed for speed and did not hoe up weeds thoroughly, resulting in low quality work. My carelessness exposed my petty bourgeois tendency of being vain. I did not want to lag behind others in hoeing the fields. The poor and lower middle peasants would not have this self-deceiving attitude and they knew how vital and necessary hoeing the field is to crops. My ignorance led me to perform my duty in a perfunctory manner.
In the future, I will take "be responsible for the people" as my motto if I am to hoe the fields again. I will ensure the quality first even if it compromises my speed. Upon the assurance of quality, I will speed up.

June 14

Wan Yan came to chat with me and said that she noticed I have been in a bad mood these days. I told her why it was so. Sometimes I felt that our squad and platoon leaders had been focused on formalities in management. They tended to be showing off. For instance, they called off work later than the other platoons; they insisted that everyone lines up after work and marches back to camp even in pouring rain; Sometimes they whimsically asked the whole platoon to work extra time at night. The excuse they used was that the same day's work needed to be completed on the same day, but the real reason was they wanted to impress others with how hard their soldiers had been working. Having observed this on repeated occurrences, I couldn't hold my disapproval, neither could help expressing my dissatisfaction. I became passive and sarcastic. Sometimes I argued with the platoon leaders in public or complained openly. Wan Yan advised that I should not involve my personal feelings and should submit my complaints via the regular organizational procedures.
Later, I studied Chairman Mao's work On Rectifying the Wrong Thoughts Within our Party 20 and the May 20th Instruction. Chairman Mao said: "Ultra- democracy was deeply rooted in the minds of many comrades. The evidence lies in some comrades' unconvincing attitudes towards the implementations of some resolutions."

20. On Rectifying the Wrong Thoughts within our Party: This essay by Mao Zedong was a resolution drawn up in December 1929 for the 9th Party Congress of the Fourth Army of the Red Army. The Chinese Red Army was created on August 1, 1927 and by December 1929 has been in existence for over two years. During this period, the CPC in the Red Army learned a great deal and gained quite a rich store of experience in the course of combating various mistaken ideas. This resolution summed up this experience. It enabled the Red Army to build itself entirely
on a Marxist-Leninist basis and to eliminate all the influences of armies of the old type.

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"Nowadays, there is a popular saying: we should resist our leaders. It is permissible among the masses, but not allowed in the army. If everyone does things following his own will, how could our army fight in a war?…Orders are to be carried out no matter whether you understand it or not." "If one's opinion is negated, he should not demonstrate any objection in his actions." "If everyone believes in himself and goes his own way, we will be a mess."
Now I am a soldier of the corps and I can no longer view myself as one of the masses. I should set a high standard in organization discipline and eradicate thoroughly the ultra-democratic and anarchistic concepts from my mind. I should consciously cultivate a strong sense of organizational discipline.
The thorough execution of an order will be compromised, interrupted and neglected if I demonstrate objections, become reluctant and hesitant in carrying it out. Although it is different from refusal to carry out the order, it still reflects ultra- democracy and is not allowed in the army. While at school, I was carefree and not bound by disciplines, especially at the times when I believed I was correct. But the army is different. If everyone acts as he pleases, then no unified solidarity could be achieved. Of course, it is inevitable to have opinions and complaints. The right attitude would be: carry out the orders while reserving objections. We may bring up the objections via regular organizational procedure and improve our comprehension while carrying out orders.
I will do the following in the future: I will not contradict squad and platoon leaders; I will not make cynical remarks while carrying out the orders; I will not complain to affect the morale and implementation of the orders.

June 22

The primary evaluation on Four Goods Company almost came to an end. We studied the "Two Resolutions" in this campaign. I have improved my understanding.
In appraising awards for "Five Goods Soldiers" 21, my comrades have the following recommendations for me:
1. Should heighten a sense of organizational discipline.
2. Should set a higher and stricter standard
One comrade pointed out that I had regressed recently and failed to study as diligently as before. He said that at work, even though I seemed to have given my best, but hadn't set a high standard for myself. He said that instead of following the prescribed order as required, I should have endeavored harder by truly going all out.

21. The Five Good Soldiers movement refers to good in political ideology, good in military training, good in the "three-eight work style", good in carrying out assigned tasks, and good in physical training.

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"Trying best" is too low a standard for myself. I found it difficult to accept this assessment. I remember that I once said we should just give our best on an occasion and she overheard it and is using it to criticize me now. Quite mean in treating others like this. But on the second thought, her caustic remarks would spur me to set higher standards.
3. Should provide more help and collaborate more with others to advance together. "It is merely a red dot when one person is red, but it is an area of redness when everyone is red." Qin Xiaohua already pointed this out at last year's year-end evaluation. It is difficult for me to achieve this. I had just barely got rid of my bad habit of separating from the masses and had begun to merge myself with my comrades. It is a lot to ask me to help others in the squad to advance together.
A. I think I am far from being good myself, thus it is difficult for me to help others.
B. Not free from the influence of the pernicious view of "masses backwardness". I sometimes still despise those who had fallen behind, and am not willing to approach them. So, I was only concerned about my own performance. This attitude might be acceptable in the past, but not now. I will have to set a higher bar to measure up to "Five Goods Soldier" standard. It is much more demanding to be a Five Good Soldier than being an ordinary one. I was the one who fell behind before and had received help from others. Since I had lacked experience helping others before, I know that I need to upgrade my efforts in this area by a huge step.
4. Someone pointed out that I often put people on the spot. I took it as a personality issue before. However, my remarks were often too harsh for others to swallow with good grace, especially those calculating ones. This personality trait has strained my relationship with others and I often cut myself off. Thus, I need to rectify my weakness and work on it in the future.
The above are the four areas that I need to pay attention to.
As part of my personal assessment, I did self-criticism for not taking the reporting assignment seriously. I thought about turning it down because I did not know how to manage it efficiently. In fact, the worst woe is the lack of determination to do it well. If I am willing to learn, I would be able to learn and learn it well through practice.
In the next half a year, I need to take this assignment seriously. The exhibit board will not be filled only with slogans of determinations that people seldom pay attention to. More lively reports and commentaries targeting certain themes should be written and posted. Not only will I write and post,

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we would invite all members of the squad to write for richer content. This way, we will be able to identify ideological issues and solve problems in a timely manner. These thoughts are still at a planning stage so far, details will unfold and be explored in future practice.

July 25

So much happened lately, exerting a drastic impact on my spirit. Since my arrival here, things have been relatively calm and peaceful. But recent events have shattered this quiet life like raging waves, which stirred up my mind like a wild storm.
With the busy season of wheat harvest approaching, I haven't had the time to solve these spiritual issues. Wang's act of running back home and the quarrel between us the other day reminded me of many happenings in the past, and I was bewildered with doubts and confusions.
I received a letter from my mom in which she encouraged me to take criticism properly. "Everyone makes mistakes. Recognizing and correcting the mistake
will do." Mom also asked me to study "On Contradictions" 22 to broaden my horizon and perceive the world with a dialectic method. I should accept mom's advice.
Wheat harvesting has been going on for days. Heavy and intense labor plus an upset stomach, I felt listless all over. Strong willpower is a must to keep me going. "Conquer all obstacles and win the final victory!"
At the beginning of the wheat harvest, I developed diarrhea. It reached its peak the other day accompanied with a newly added high fever. To make the matter worse, I injured my hand with a sickle, and blood oozed from the cut. At that time, I almost fainted with a nauseated feeling. Several comrades working on my side helped me to sit down and put a straw hat on my head to shield me from the sun. After resting for a little while, I felt better. They told me I looked very pale just now and tried to persuade me to go back to my dorm to rest. But I continued my work soon after I felt better. My near fainting spell and diarrhea had made me quite weak. In addition, I had worked from morning to now for 4 to 5 hours without being able to keep any food down. But I did not want to leave the fields. I told myself to hold on for just a bit longer to the end. During the nap time at noon, my body felt unusually hot like being surrounded by hot air. My nostrils and my mouth were breathing hot air in and out.

22. On Contradictions: It is an essay written by Mao Zedong in August 1937. Along with On Practice, it forms the philosophical underpinnings of the political ideology that would later become Maoism or Mao Zedong Thought. This essay was written as an interpretation of the philosophy of dialectical materialism while Mao was at his guerilla base in Yan'an. Mao suggests that all movement and life is a result of contradiction. Mao further developed the theme laid out in On Contradiction in his 1957 speech entitled On the Correct Handling of Contradictions among the People.

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I told myself that I was having a fever. At that time, Doctor Guan came to our squad to visit his patients. We asked him to gauge our blood pressure. All the others had normal blood pressure except for me. He told me that my blood pressure was elevated. Since my blood pressure had always been normal in the past, for years, I attributed this abnormality to my fever. Sure, my temperature was 38 degrees. "Shall I go back to work?" Comrades asked me to rest in the dorm. They started to line up and rush to the fields while I was hesitant. I stayed back just for a little while and thought I should be fit enough to work again. I only need to overcome some more difficulties than usual. I shall conquer not only the heat, fatigue but the illness. I grabbed the sickle and ran to the fields.
I was refreshed by the wind despite the fever and fatigue. I kept working with no stop. One hour passed by. Another hour passed by. Maybe because I was sick, the afternoon felt especially long, much longer than usual. I persevered, making up my mind that I would not leave the fields before the finish time. I would hold up to the last minute. Soon I began to realize this had been a particularly long harvesting day. It was already getting dark, yet we still had not heard the stop signal. The evening breeze made me shiver in the cold. I felt I was really at the end of my rope, but I should not halt! I had already endured the whole afternoon. How could I give up now? I told myself to press on! I was not a weakling! I should take this best opportunity to train my willpower! If we make conscious efforts, there are numerous occasions in everyday life to train our will and overcome our weakness, little by little, step by step. But these opportunities would be lost if you turn a blind eye to them.
I should totally break away from Liu's corrupt philosophy to treasure oneself. Not only should I despise it as shown in others, but I should also dissect myself mercilessly to see if I had the baneful influence of this corrupt view. I should go all out to clean it out if I possess any.
Chairman Mao said: "The following situation often exists: the advantage and active restoration is generated from the effort to persist for a little bit longer."
Comrade Jin Xunhu also said: "Labor could cure some diseases."
I did not lie in bed after developing a fever that day.

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Instead, I was able to overcome the sickness and restore my energy through working in the fields. This reflected a significant change from before when I would rest at home under similar circumstances.
Following the Five Criteria for party members in the New Charter for the Community Party of China, I am doing a self-assessment. "Have the courage to criticize and self-criticize".
We should fight against any selfishness and criticize revisionism.
We learn lessons from mistakes and setbacks have taught us a lesson. We come out smarter and more efficient.
Vice Chairman Lin taught us:
Revolution also means to revolt against ourselves. Otherwise, revolutions will not be successful.
While taking ourselves as a part of the revolutionary force, we should treat ourselves as the very target of revolution.
To find a resolution for the problem, we need to revolutionize our souls.
Wang's flight back home struck me and drove me into a fierce mental struggle. All sorts of new thoughts sprang up, and I was unable to control them. It felt as if my mind were covered with thick black clouds, and my work and study had been compromised. If I cannot eradicate these thoughts, I won't be able to continue my revolution. I would stop progressing and could even fall backwards. "Retrogression will get you nowhere", Chairman Mao's words ring in my eardrums. I have no other options but moving forward with all my might.
Following Chairman Mao's teaching, I waged a tough and painful ideological war in my mind against selfishness and revisionist ideas. I managed to recognize where I went astray through this hard-fought mental struggle.
I recognized Wang's erroneous behavior lies in evading reality and difficulties. Wang failed to understand Communist philosophy is that of struggle, that the revolutionary path is rocky and bumpy and that "we have to prepare ourselves for going through twists and turns". She failed to understand "life is full of contradiction and struggle. Contradictions are unavoidable and can never be thoroughly eradicated in the past, present and future. Contradictions will only be solved via struggle. Her escape demonstrated her irresponsibility to our work and the collective, thus a failure to follow Chairman Mao's teaching: "Our responsibility is fully committed to the people. Every word, every action and every policy will have to comply with the interests of the people."
The current situation at the Fifth Company is problematic and the company falls behind most other companies in the regiment.

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But how are we going to cope? Avoiding and escaping problems do not conform to the communist and proletariat philosophy of struggle. Contradictions and struggle exist everywhere and there is no place of immunity. Class struggle exists in class society. Even in a classless society, there still exists conflict between the new and the old. Without understanding this principle, we would keep getting stuck even when transferred to a new environment. Shall one resort to run away instead of facing the difficulties?
Chairman Mao taught us: "At certain times during the course of the revolution disadvantageous conditions prevail. Thanks to the efforts of revolutionaries. difficulties could be gradually overcome to be replaced by new pathways, opening doors to success."
The present scenario of the Fifth Company reflects the above teaching. Let us follow Chairman Mao's words: "The whole party must be fully prepared to overcome all the difficulties with an indomitable will."
The current problems demand our relentless efforts and indomitable will. Those stubborn old habits and customs are not expected to be solved with one easy move. At the same time, we should never shun away from these old forces. Sometimes, I feel powerless when facing unhealthy behavior or trends in the Fifth Company. I did try once or twice, but I lacked an indomitable will. I soon gave up.
In fact, this is a typical example of theory divorcing from practice as well as incomplete revolution. First, I did not have the determination to wage a tireless struggle to the end. Secondly, I was not completely committed to settling down in the border area myself. How would I convince my fellow teammates to do the same? Therefore, the priority of revolution is to transform oneself! Only then can I become a better revolutionary force.
Confidence is the key in facing the problems of the Fifth Company.

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If we faltered and were lack of confidence, we would not be able to fight forcefully.
We should dare to struggle and excel at it. Final victory belongs to us. Sometimes we cannot help but feel powerless and incapable of action. That is because we are not courageous enough and experienced enough. We could only expect to improve our swimming skill through swimming and likewise, sharpen our struggle skill through struggling.
The courage to stage struggles comes from Mao Zedong Thought. The tactic is explored via practice.
Chairman Mao said: "The difficulties we are facing today can be overcome because we represent the new force with a bright future." To us, the first and foremost is confidence in the final victory of our revolution. Can the Fifth Company make changes? What is most needed now is confidence and courage. Some comrades became so spiritless that they thought about leaving the company and a few did leave.
In the beginning, I always blamed the leadership for incompetency and poor management. Thus, those who deserted were not to blame. Later, my study of Chairman Mao's materialistic dialectics led me to see external cause extends from internal cause. The current circumstance of the Fifth Company only wavers those with weak willpower. The majority are determined to stay and are relatively persistent. They understand that the obstacles can only be removed through struggle, not thorough escape. Wang, on the other hand, has not thoroughly transformed herself and has wavered in her determination at the critical time. Besides, she had more than others a tendency of separating theory from practice seen among intellectuals. Like others, she had expressed her determination and commitment to settle down in the border region, but her escape broke her promise. She once said that she would head to those places with most challenges. But her action betrayed her words. She also said hardships could train people, but what she did when the Fifth Company was in its most challenging state proved the opposite.
The theory of conditional ideological transformation is wrong.
We transform our thoughts, not in vacuum, not in comfort, but in storms and waves. We transform our thoughts amongst complicated problems solving overwhelming hardships.

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Therefore, our growth and pace of progress lies in our internal efforts, not external environments. Outstanding youth like Jin Xunhua emerge from various environments such as factories, countryside, army and production and construction corps while there are also some disappointing degenerates. Therefore, regardless of where we are, we need to engage in spiritual revolution.
Wang's action has seriously impacted the company's morale, but I failed to recognize the negative impact at first. Her escape sent a shockwave and some other comrades at the Fifth Company also began to waver, which further jeopardized the organization. Her action brought sadness to our dear ones and joy to adversaries, our class enemies.
As I shared with her on the motives to leave the company, I endorsed her action and pushed her into making the mistake. I was partially accountable. In addition, my determination to settle down in the borderland also began to rock under the influence of the negative impact and disruption. That was why I went through a fierce mental struggle. I thought about going to join my elder sister in her production team. But I was worried about creating a bad image for myself
judging from what I had said in the past. I would be looked down upon as a lip- service revolutionary. Feeling depressed with the condition at the company, I resorted to a period of study and self-criticism, I reached a resolution that I need an indomitable will to continue staying at Fifth Company. I will never be a deserted soldier. Wherever one is assigned to, wherever is one's destination for continued struggle.
As I was to blame as an accomplice of Wang's mistake, I realized that I had also made a mistake and that it was my responsibility to help her to correct it.
Chairman Mao said: "To a comrade who made mistakes, we should adopt the policy of learning from the past and present in order to prevent them in the future, and treating the disease to save the patient. We should give him a way out and correct the mistake and to continue the revolution. We should never forbid Ah-Q from participating in revolution like what Master Zhao did in The True Story of Ah-Q. 23
Communist party members should never exclude those who have committed mistakes except for a few incorrigibles. Our attitude towards those who have made mistakes in the work should be one of persuasion in order to help him change and start afresh."

23. The True Story of Ah Q is a novel written by Lu Xun, one of the greatest modern Chinese writers. It was first published as a serial on December 4, 1921, and was later placed in his first short story collection "Call to Arms" in 1923. It has nine chapters.

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In the future, I will follow Chairman Mao's teaching and try my best to help Wang via correspondence or other ways. I will persuade her to return to our revolutionary team and learn a lesson from this mistake. "A fall in the pit, a gain in your wit."
Chairman Mao also said: "Listen to both sides and you will be enlightened; heed only one side and you will be benighted."
"We must cultivate a democratic style of listening to people.
Due to my failure to listen to different opinions, it had taken a long time before Wang's issue could be resolved.
I couldn't calmly consider those opposite opinions from other comrades on certain issues. I rejected their opinions in totality resulting in conflicts. As a matter of fact, some disagreements are reasonable, but I overruled them. Some
agreements might be wrong, but I side with them. If one persists in arbitrariness, he will just run into a stone wall.
I made up my mind to rectify my behavior after having realized it was counter effective. I was candid and sincere in approaching those who disagreed with me. I was able to understand the rationale of these oppositions, and I was ready to take them into my consideration. After careful thinking, I felt they were correct.
I learned a great deal from this mistake. Making mistakes is not good, but they "teach us good lessons". With the experience, we can avoid making the same mistakes in the future.
"We need to hear different voices." "Do not get angry and take it personally upon hearing different opinions."
The masses' opinions are valuable. You will stray from them if you cannot hear what they say. What else will be more dangerous than separating from the masses?

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August 17

The issue of family background is a reality. The only way to deal with it is to handle it properly and face it squarely, but not to avoid it. In fact, it cannot be avoided.
I had a quarrel with someone who let loose a torrent of abuse "contraband"! I was deeply offended. It struck me hard. I felt that I could not get along with this kind of person who never distinguished me from my father. After being labeled as a non-revolutionary. What common language could I share with this accuser? What else is more intolerable than being accused of being non-revolutionary? They never believe that the transformable children are pro-revolutionary. Who else are more hateful than those who not only are non-revolutionary themselves, but not allow others to revolutionize? Not only I felt angry but wronged and grieved. It was truly a heavy blow. Had I not bit my tongue and held my emotions back, I would have burst into tears. I knew tears were useless. I started to form another idea. I should go to a place where everyone believed I was revolutionary. I would go to a place where everyone follows the party's policy. If I was trusted to be a revolutionary, I would go all out at my work and devote myself to the revolutionary cause. But I am here and not everyone believed I was committed to revolution. Some were skeptical. I was still regarded as a "black element" from an evil family no matter how hard I tried to transform myself. Am I going through a reform labor camp? Or pretending to be a revolutionary? I could not take this kind of slander and assault. I created a perfect environment for myself, a place where everyone is guided by the party's policies.
I wrote to my mom to reflect my thinking. Her return letter inspired me. She told me to objectively view this issue with Mao Zedong Thought. I felt warmth reading her words. What else could move and warm me other than Chairman Mao's thought?
Mom said that the theory that class origin decides everything is extremely wrong. The party's policy states that class status is not the only yardstick and more importance should be given to self-performance. Any violation of the policy goes against Mao Zedong Thought. So, I should try to avoid any disruptions of my morale. The theory is wrong in the first place because it crushes revolutionary enthusiasm. Some comrades with class status issues are burdened with this unnecessary mental load and cannot bring their enthusiasm into full play. In other words, some people who themselves are not engaged in revolution are not allowing

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others to do so either. We should oppose, resist and struggle with the theory, but not allow it to disturb and affect our morale. Only by doing so, we can defeat this wrong theory. Failure to do so would allow the theory to impact and burden us. This is exactly what this theory aimed at. It is counter revolutionary because the class enemies took its advantage. The class enemies tried all their best to scramble for the transformable children when they were hesitating and swaying between choices. The enemies wanted to push those transformable children to the opposite of the masses and thus bring them to their own side. This is what the enemies expected and fought for. On the contrary, people did not want to see us fall. Chairman Mao held great expectations for the large number of the transformable children. He believed that the majority are revolutionary. He said in his most recent instruction: "don't label the children of anti-revolutionaries and most unrepentant capitalist roaders as "sons and daughters of black elements." We should unite them and welcome them. The majority can be a part of us through education and rustication (transformable ones). They should be distinguished from the families they came from. Only a minority will remain non-transformable, so the majority should be won over." Chairman Mao believed that most of us are revolutionary. We are greatly moved, and we should live up to the expectation of Chairman Mao. We should prove with our actions that we are committed to Chairman Mao's revolutionary cause, to the full implementation and appreciation of his teaching, his wisdom and foresight.
"We should trust the masses and our party. These are the two fundamental principles. Nothing could be accomplished if there is any doubt in them."
Nothing could be accomplished if we cast any doubt in these two principles simply because of a few erroneous statements by a few who were lagging. One could hardly move forward with confidence and courage if she is dispirited and burdened with mental loads.
In fact, it is obvious that the wrong statements did not represent the will of the majority.
Chairman Mao believed that we are revolutionary. The majority masses follow his teaching and carry out the policy that he has defined. Those who made the wrong statement appeared "left" in form

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but "right" in nature. What they said exposed their ignorance and incompetence. Why were we impacted by the noise? While we mercilessly struggle with them, we need to demonstrate that we are true revolutionaries. In doing so, we can deal them a heavy blow while letting others judge whether we were not fit to revolutionize, or we were not allowed to do so.
Chairman Mao taught us: "What standard shall we use to evaluate whether a youth is revolutionary or not? There is only one: we will see if he/she is willing or not, and implementing or not, to integrate with the workers and peasants." Chairman Mao pointed out this is the only standard to distinguish the revolutionary from non-revolutionary or anti-revolutionary. His teaching lays out this standard as the only one, second to none. Subjectively, I am more than willing to do so. In practice, I deeply feel there is no other way out as an alternative. Therefore, I am a revolutionary.
Some people put on the airs to "transformable children" very much like Master Zhao to Ah-Q as if we, in case of making any mistakes, would not be any different from our families. How shall we behave ourselves in front of these people? On the one hand, we should set a stricter and higher bar for us and try to make as few mistakes as possible. On the other hand, we should not be over cautious as to taking things easy to avoid trouble.
Lenin said: "The people who never make any mistakes are those who do nothing."
"We are not afraid of mistakes. People will not turn into saints once revolution starts."
"There is a great and heroic action behind every hundred mistakes. These actions are ordinary and unremarkable."
Chairman Mao also pointed out: "Failure is the mother of success. Mistakes and failures teach us lessons and make us smarter."
Not allowing making mistakes is equivalent to not allowing somebody to engage in revolution. We are not saints and will inevitably make mistakes in revolution. Those mistakes are merely episodes on our revolutionary roads from which we learn lessons, raise our competency

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and become smarter. Mistakes might look bad but turn out to be beneficial. Those who behave well, stick to conventions and are content with temporary ease and comfort shall not be expected to accomplish anything significant because they worry about making mistakes. They will remain mediocre and incompetent throughout their lives.
Youth should dare to think, speak, revolutionize and rebel. Meanwhile, they should dare to admit their mistakes and rectify them. "A fall in the pit and a gain in the wit", they will move forward and continue making progress.

August 28

Today marks the one-year anniversary of my joining the corps and my seventeenth birthday. It is also the one-year anniversary of the promulgation of August 28th Order. What a meaningful day it is!
Today last year, I entered society and turned a new page in my life when I was sixteen years old. I boarded the train of the era and held my new post in serving the people. Everything was completely fresh and new to me. The road that I
travelled for the past year was uneven, particularly the six to seven months after I was transferred to the Fifth Company. That period was full of conflicts and obstacles, marked with twists and turns, and characterized with setbacks and failures. from this difficult experience, I came to understand that revolution is by no means easy. Revolution embraces transformation of both subjective and objective worlds. It is not an interesting and romantically colorful event as I previously imagined. "A revolution is not a dinner party, or writing an essay, or painting a picture, or doing embroidery; it cannot be so refined, so leisurely and gentle, so temperate, kind, courteous, restraining and magnanimous. Revolution is a riot which aims to overthrow one class by another through violence." Revolution is first and foremost to revolutionize oneself, which is a long, tiring and painful process of struggle against personal interests and revisionism. Only a selfless person with a proletarian worldview will be able to experience the infinite joy to fight against heaven, earth and people and taste the happiness of struggle. However, the petty bourgeoisie at the primary stage of transforming their bourgeoisie worldviews are not quite able to feel the ultimate joy. They may sense it sometimes but most of the time they do not. Therefore, revolution is not easy and comfortable, but an arduous and painful ordeal and they need to be ready to accept it and willing to pay the price.
Lu Xun once said: "Revolution is painful, mixed with filth and blood.

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It is not perfect and interesting as imagined by poets. It requires a variety of petty and troublesome detailed nuisance and it is not romantic at all as described by poets. Revolution brings destruction followed by construction. To destroy is fast and forceful, but construction is slow and troublesome. Therefore, those who approach revolution with romantic illusions will be disappointed."
I myself entered society with subjective illusions. Out of ignorance, I underestimated our complicated society as simple and our revolution filled with fun. As a result, I was at my wit's end when confronted with challenges and stormy waves. I was totally disillusioned by the hard facts, which led to further disappointment. It typically exemplifies my ignorance about the complications of society, of class struggle and of revolution.
Lenin said: "After overthrowing the power of bourgeoisie, destroying capitalistic state apparatus and establishing proletarian dictatorship, class struggle didn't disappear, but changed its form and turned more cruel in many aspects."
During the socialist transition period, bloody and life-and-death class struggle still exists. It has taken on a form different from war time. The unarmed enemies in front of us are becoming sinister and ruthless. They are the wolves in sheep's skin and more dangerous than the wolves without sheep's skin. The class struggle is no longer a contest of weapons like in the war time, but has penetrated into the ideological sphere, invisible and untouchable. Chairman Mao said: The warfare that we fought across the country in the past is easy to win because the enemies are obvious. But a war like the Great Proletarian Cultural Revolution is much more difficult to fight." Class struggle is becoming more complex, fierce and " more brutal in many aspects".

September 24

Our reporting column is up once again. Comrades could get their writings exhibited. But it is not popularized enough yet. I myself wrote several articles. In reporting, I am for the principle illustrated by Lu Xun: "Warmly advocate the right and fiercely attack the wrong. We should make a clear distinction between what we love and what we hate, and we should have a clear-cut position. To do this requires our constant awareness and assessment of what is happening around us. We will make good use of the column to promote Mao Zedong thought and criticize revisionism. "Masses are the true heroes". They have the sharpest eyes and can best judge what is right and what is wrong.

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Thus, our special column should be developed into a mass-oriented frontline, not to be franchised to a minority.

October 2

Our motherland is now twenty-one years old. Our great nation marched into the era of the 70s triumphantly. I will make efforts to catch up with the pace. I need to cleanse my mind, getting rid of the stale and taking in the fresh. Shedding the bourgeoisie shadow and illuminating it with Mao Zedong Thought!
Let me put all of my thoughts onto the table and examine them with Mao Zedong Thought!
Still feeling like a stranger in my current organization, I am not happy with the squad, the platoon and the company. I feel that there are fewer heart-to-heart friends, fewer to share life goals and common interests and fewer role models to follow.
Recalling the old 14th Squad, how much I miss it! Qin Xiaohua is my heart-to- heart friend who helped to improve my political consciousness. Whatever she did and said has set a perfect role model for me. She is neither arrogant nor indulgent in exaggerations. She is neither double-faced nor narrow-minded. She is by no means a selfish individualist. She best exemplifies how to apply revolutionary ideals in real life, or how to integrate theory with practice. It was a pleasing experience to have lived and worked with her on the same team. She guided me every step moving forward. Liu Jianhua is a comrade so fond of learning! She is never tired of acquiring knowledge. My friendship with her was established on the study together. We shared thoughts and perspectives. We studied together and helped each other. She is more than a role model in study, because she also led me in work and living. Song Weihua, warm-hearted, down-to-earth, honest and upright, excelled in all. I also miss a Cheng Shuihua who always does good deeds and helps other comrades out of her way. Fan Yanying, Shi Guidong and Ren Shanglin are all role models for me. At that time, there were so many role models. I like, admire and respect them all. Although it was merely several months that I was on the same squad with them, I miss them and the time we spent together. The relationship between and among us was so harmonious

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and close. Now the environment is totally different. I am surrounded by a group of philistines. What I hear is often the hysterical verbal abuse of trivial things such as a basin of water or a jacket, etc. The subject of the talk is boring and of low taste. Some people look like gentlemen, but their flamboyant outer garments cannot help but expose their obsession with personal interest. Some people do just enough to get by, believing "the less trouble the better". They sell their souls in order to protect themselves. Showing no interest in politics and retrogressing in spiritual rustication, some people compensate their void souls with material comfort. They totally forget their life-long responsibility to pursue truth and yield themselves to powerful old customs to the degree of confusing right and wrong. Some are political opportunists. In order to gain political favor, they step on others. They often show up in public as lovely "leftists" as if only they are revolutionary while others are not, but behind their façade lies their corrupt political ambition. Are these examples for me to follow? If I did, I would have become a true hypocrite. I would have ended up giving up truth in exchange for personal gains. How can I become this kind of a person? At present, I am not able to change the current circumstance and overcome the old stubborn social customs, but I will not be conquered! I will resist persistently and forcefully. I refuse to be affected and disrupted by them. Instead, I will make every effort to bring about changes. If not possible, I will at least not become a victim myself!
Among these people, role models must exist. A real good role model might be hidden among the chaotic group and hard to identify, but to find one would be invaluable. I must find admirable quality and learn from it. No matter what circumstances are, good examples are among us. Persistent hard working, tenderly caring for others, and enduring hardship of any sort are the good qualities to keep in mind. I will try my best to learn and improve myself. While I make progress, I will be ready to help others to advance together. If I cannot help now, I will avoid the negative impact and help them when time comes. I will spend every day as meaningful days of revolution, struggle and learning.

October 7

Our platoon was honored to be a participant in the campaign of hydraulic projects of which we are very proud and excited.

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The diary entry dated October 2 is not a true account of the reality and objective circumstance. Under the influence of Liu Shaoqi's theory on the Backwardness of Masses, I wrongfully took the non-mainstream issues as the mainstream. I exaggerated the shortcomings; sounded superior in criticizing fellow comrades and outpoured my discontent. It is a dangerous tendency as it violates Chairman Mao's teaching: "Criticism is necessary, but it should be based on the standing point of our people and expressed in the interest to protect and educate them. If we treat our comrades like enemies, we will completely fall to the opposite of the people." We need to strictly differentiate people from enemies. Any doing to obscure the differentiation departs from Mao Zedong Thought. We should treat our enemy with hatred and ruthlessly expose them. But we can't do the same with the people. We can't expose them. Chairman Mao said: "The targets that the revolutionary artists should unmask include invaders, suppressors and exploiters together with the evil impact they had created among the people. The targets cannot be the masses. Admittedly our people do have shortcomings, and they should be dealt with solutions used to solve internal conflicts, namely criticism and self-criticism. It is largely an issue of education and improvement.
Chairman Mao made it very clear how we should handle internal conflicts and shortcomings of the people and how to differentiate revolutionaries from anti- revolutionaries. How could I blame my comrades from the enemies standing point of view? I should have traced these shortcomings to the millennia-old private ownership system. The evil system is the one to blame.

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Irrigation is the lifeblood of agriculture.

A SUMMARY (Great irrigation battle)

I. Fearing neither hardship nor death. Take great pleasure in hard struggles.
II. We comrades should see our accomplishments and the bright side to boost our momentum in the difficult time.
III. Our primary approach is to learn about war from warfare.
It was cold and the water was freezing, I was very concerned that I might get arthritis. Then I remembered Chairman Mao's teaching: "Sacrifices are inevitable in revolutions." Numerous heroes gave their all for the revolutionary cause even at the expense of their lives. How can I shrink at this time of need? I fell in Liu Shaoqi's trap to treasure yourself and your health. I am now determined to turn the irrigation site into the battlefield to liquidate Liu's pernicious influence. I will follow the numerous heroes who sacrificed their lives to revolution. My worries dispelled; I am ready to march forward with no hesitation no matter how cold the water is.
A variety of unexpected challenges and difficulties emerged in the campaign. The high-water level caused persistent leaks. Besides, it was hard to dredge as the bottom was so muddy. The two large pits dug in the first phase became extra problematic as water could not be pumped out. The pumped pit was filled with water the next day. Mixed with water, the mud became muddier in the pit, sinking our legs deeper and deeper until sometimes we could no longer use shovels to dig. When this happened, we switched to use our hands to remove the mud, which was black and sticky. Due to the hardship of the work, we tried to remove the mud little by little. We were slow in our pace. At this time, I became a little bit disheartened at whether we could finish the job on time. Chairman Mao's words boost up my confidence: "Our comrades……" We should realize that the difficulties are temporary and could be overcome with our efforts. We encounter difficulties today because we have not yet mastered the objective law. With repeated practice,

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we will be able to grasp it and turn the difficult situation into success.
We discovered that the muddy pit became watery and more difficult to dig as we stepped on it day after day. We improved our methods. and our working pace picked up.
Chairman Mao said: "The best approach to learn about war is from war. It is often not that we do things after we learn them well. Rather we do it and learn at the same time. We learn by doing."
With hardly any experience and knowledge in digging ditches, we followed Chairman Mao's teaching and approached the task with confidence and collaborative spirit. During the process, we constantly reminded ourselves to rid any pessimism and to replace it with confidence. We also fought with our tendency for idleness and arrogance from time to time. If we persist in this learning process, we will discover, innovate, and accomplish. Although ready experience is absent at the beginning, repeated practice and trial and error will empower us as experience belongs to those who did not have it. After one month, we now have developed better knowledge in using the main instrument in our hands, the spades, we now know how to dig in mud and what to do in an emergency. One month ago, we only knew how to dig the mud one spade after another, but now we have learned what is involved in digging a ditch.
Hard struggle brings immeasurable joy!
During the one-month long great battle, we were soaked in water and mud every day. My legs were numbed standing in freezing water in cold weather. But we all felt that this kind of training opportunity was beyond what we had experienced before and was hard to come by. We took great pleasure and pride in successfully going through it. The reality proved that we had successfully stood the test of hard struggle, and that we have grown mature and strong. A large irrigation ditch dozens meters long did not fall from the sky. We, soldiers of the corps, dug it out using spades and hands. This is what it means by the spirit of changing heaven and earth and moving mountains and building seas!

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I am so happy that I have contributed as a participant.

February 12, 1971

Merciless criticism of Traitor Liu Shaoqi's theory "Class Struggle is Extinguished"
Chairman Mao taught us: "The class struggle between proletariat and bourgeoisie in ideology is ever-existing, tortuous and fierce at some points." "……if we fail to recognize it fully, we will commit big mistakes and ignore the necessary ideological struggle."
Lenin also pointed out: "After the overthrow of the bourgeoisie power and destruction of the bourgeoisie state, and after the establishment of the proletariat power system, class struggle will not disappear, but exists in different forms and becomes much more brutal in many aspects."
In the whole transitional period, class struggle was reflected mainly in ideology. The unarmed enemies changed their ways of attack on proletariats and people. Therefore, the class struggle that we face today is not the contest of weapons like in the war time, but in ideology, which is invisible and untouchable. Just as Chairman Mao said: "The warfare that we had across the whole country in the past was relatively easier because enemies were visible. But the Great Proletarian Cultural Revolution is much harder than before."
Class struggle in ideology is demonstrated in the struggle between proletariat and bourgeoisie. In a class society, class ideology will exist in the long term. Bourgeois ideology attacks proletariats incessantly, corrupts people in different channels in the hope of seizing them as the prisoners of its ideology. In order to prevent people from turning into revisionists and our country from changing colors, we must never let our guards down even for a second on the attack of bourgeois ideology. Liu Shaoqi advertised his "class struggle is dead'' theory as an attempt to realize his dream of restoring capitalism. The corrupt theory aimed at deceiving our people, disarming them and making them forget about class struggle. This theory has poisoned many, including a few in our own company.

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They failed to see and smell new trends of class struggle and they are completely disarmed, allowing bourgeois ideology to occupy their mind. They have been corroded with bourgeois books and songs. Haven't we seen enough cases like these around us?
In addition, bourgeois ideology penetrates every corner to corrode our mind. The struggle between the two ideologies was all-pervasive in our everyday conversations and daily lives. However, the struggle often slips off people's attention because the bourgeoisie attacks us with disguises and deceptive approaches. Thus, we should strengthen our study in Mao Zedong Thought and raise our alertness on the struggle between different roads. Only by doing so, we
will be able to see through the tricks of bourgeoisie and stand ourselves in invincible position.

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July 8, 1971

A writing to reflect my journey On the train returning to the company,
From the window, I saw in the distance,
Wild fields, green mountains, and the sun turning west.
What broad heaven and earth!
What fresh and free air!
How short yet meaningful have been the past seven days!
Now crystalizing as a beautiful affair!
With train in motion,
My mind returned to Chasuqi.
Recalling amiable Deputy Commissioner Zhu,
A warm torrent welled up in my mind.
Speeding along on our bicycles,
Flying through blue mountains and green fields.
Here we came to the extraordinary village.
Our second hometown at present.
I saw poor and lower middle-class peasants, honest and candid,
I saw comrades persevering in their fight.
No longer possessing any bookishness like a few years ago,
A lofty spirit of a new peasant generation is in the making.
Here I ate the most delicious meal in my life,
Here I slept the soundest night.
How reluctant was I to leave this extraordinary village,
Only with more admiration for the remaining comrades I like.

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My sister's diary and comrades' letters,
Poems of "Sparks of life" on the wall newspapers,
All greeting my eyes,
Breaking and foaming waves to my head!
Lives are no more than,
Ordinary but contradictory.
My spiritual sparks bounce like flying. A hundred flowers blossom and a hundred schools of thoughts contending!
What an appealing organization theirs is,
How attractive their hometown appears.
The three years of friendship formed in shared joy and sorrow,
Everlasting and indestructible.
Despite our parting,
Some going to new positions elsewhere, some remaining,
Although no longer together,
We are traveling on the same path altogether.
Playing table tennis yesterday,
Strolling on Chasuqi street this morning.
Sitting in a cornfield during the daily reading,
Riding back to the village beneath a bright sun shining.
My sister, other friends, and I,
Posing a photograph together.
A souvenir of the journey,
Unforgettable and forever.
Pitying myself for missing the movie Yamamoto Isoroku,
Feeling sorry for leaving in such a haste.
Unable to have a discussion on a critical issue with my sister,
I embarked on my returning journey.

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Arriving at the railway station, Seeing my sister off while boarding the train.
My heart beating wildly with stormy waves,
My throat felt like it was stuffed with cotton balls needing to drain.
Trying to hold back my tears,
Ordering myself to be strong and brave.
Parting keeps us away a year or two,
When can the next conversation take place?
Warm-hearted Xiaoye was my company,
When chatting, all sadness disappears.
3:30 already, how time flies!
Hohhot train is approaching.
Firmly grabbing each other's hands,
"Let us meet another time."
Train puffing, Xiaoye's words echoing:
"Get along with others, that is the key to a good life."
The train goes faster and further,
Sun falls behind the mountains.
The trip will end in the blink of an eye,
I will be back to my village in no time.


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The facts smash all of the empty talks into pieces!
By Lu Xun
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