A Diary
知青日记
Date1969
abstractLiu Ping's diary with the starting date as September 13, 1969 and ending date in October, 1972 when she was in the Inner Mongolia Production and Construction Corps.
RepositoryDartmouth Digital Library Program
Access and Usage RightsIn Copyright.
Access and Usage RightsThis material is protected by copyright and/or related rights. You are free to use this material in any way that is permitted by copyright law that applies to your use. For other uses you need to obtain permission from the rights-holder(s).
September 13, 1969, Saturday
It has been seventeen days since I boarded the train on August 27. I arrived in
Hohhot, merged into the community and started a new life. Having passed in
seemingly ordinary ways, these seventeen days have been by no means common.
Marking a beginning in my new life, these days have allowed me to build a solid
approach and define future goals. Therefore, it is extremely necessary to
summarize what I gained during this period, to help further define the future
direction of development and objectives of my long-term life.
On August 27, I bid farewell, with full confidence and joy, to the great capital
city of Beijing, to my family and classmates, and boarded the train. I did not
experience any trivial sorrow and sentiment. On the train, my brain was filled
with a sense of my determination, promises to myself and yearnings for a new
life. I have been speculating about all the aspects of my future life. I was
deeply aware that the road ahead was by no means smooth and I am ready to
embrace storms, setbacks and trials of any sort! My mother, together with Xiao
Yin, Tang Li, Zhao Ping, Zhao Hui and Yi Min, went to the Beijing Railway
Station to see me off. At that time, I was nothing but optimistic as I now march
towards the road that I have been long looking forward to. Unlike myself, some
others boarded the train reluctantly, seemingly forced to leave. Those who
boarded in this sentiment were out of breath from crying and some even fainted.
I did not want to cry at all. Even if I was asked to pretend crying at that
time, I would not have put on the act. I have put my feet on the path defined by
my beloved Chairman Mao: to integrate into the real society, to workers,
peasants and People's Liberation Army soldiers, to the Three Grand Revolutionary
Movements 1. From now on, I am ready to put an end to my past
life in clover far departed from practice and working-class people. My sense of
excitement was beyond comparison! I am fully aware that the road ahead is rough,
but it is bright. At this very moment, as I looked back, I saw only a sharp
divide preventing me from retreating! The farewell wishes left by my family,
classmates and comrades were most unforgettable. They wanted me to become "an
old buffalo"— always providing service for others. They wanted me to
establish a harmonious relationship with others and merge with the masses. They
wanted me to go to Chairman Mao when encountering problems and hardships (read
Mao's books). Their common wish in one word is: follow Chairman Mao and fight to
the very finish…… As the train slowly pulled out, the sight of my
folks became distant. But their caring words echoed in my eardrums—cordial
and touching.
Soon after our arrival I began to experience the militarization 2
of our daily life. At the same time, I felt that we were no longer ordinary
people, but soldiers of the Production and Construction Corps. We will set
strict demands on ourselves; otherwise we will fall behind.
At 1:00 AM, August 31, when we were in sound sleep, there came a call for an
emergency assembly. In moon light, we were taken to the headquarters where the
troop leader issued the August 28th Order.
Immediately following that we had a group discussion overnight. After the order
was announced, we received a training session on strategy. The troop leaders
briefed us on the current circumstance followed by another group discussion
focused on getting better prepared for the war. These meetings enabled us to
better understand what Chairman Mao meant by his strategy "getting ready for the
war". Based on the current international situation, the strategy should be
imprinted on our minds and every one of us needs to be prepared.
1. The Three Grand Revolutionary Movements refers to the movement of Production Struggle, of Class Struggle, and of Scientific Experimentation defined by Mao Zedong in his article "Where does a man's correct thinking come from" published in 1963.
2. The production and construction corps were
semi-agricultural and semi-military in nature. It was a unique economic and
paramilitary organization in China's borderlands such as Xinjiang, Inner
Mongolia, Northeast and Yunnan. The Inner Mongolia Production and Construction
Corps was attached to Beijing Garrison District, a military unit directly
responsible for safety of the capital. Most of the members in the corps were
youth from
Beijing.
Last week, we were assigned to different squads. On that day, the old comrades
had a farewell party and then the newcomers were distributed to individual
squads by the instructors. I was assigned to the Fourteenth Squad under the
Fourth Platoon. After dismissal, the new soldiers followed the old ones and had
a tour of our living quarters. In our squad, I know Xiaoyin and two others from
the Dianmen Area in Beijing. I was very unhappy about this assignment and I felt
that no one in the squad shared the common goal with me. Am I going to spend my
life with them in such a squad? I felt that I will accomplish nothing here
because the new collective was so different from my imagination! I particularly
did not like Xiaoyin who was now on the same squad. She was second to none in
terms of my dislike and disgust. I didn't know what criteria was used for the
assignment. Based on my judgement, the assignees probably did not know me well.
Anyway, I would prefer to be on the same squad with those of similar family
background for better relationships and easier communication.
Before the assignments were announced, all the newcomers lived in a large room.
There was no physical work assigned and we did nothing except study and attend
group discussions. It was boring day by day. This meaningless life was nothing
like what I had imagined it to be — intense and orderly. The messy room
was filled with quarrels, small talk and nonsense. Some were doing nothing but
playing cards like gamblers; others argue with each other from dawn to dusk and
still others sat silent from morning to evening. The noise and disorder simply
disallowed any quiet study or reading unless you walked out.
My disappointment reached a climax as time passed by like the flow of water. I
came here with a strong design to transform my worldview. However, days went by
with no gain. It was even worse than studying at home. Besides, I could not find
anyone to share my feelings. I felt like I was suffocating. On second thought,
we were not going to spend much time here as we would be assigned to different
squads soon. I expect a new beginning there, and I look forward to my next
collective!
I was so disappointed with the assignment that I was consumed by the feeling
that I would not be able to find an intimate friend to talk to in the next squad
and would continue feeling lonely. I even thought about leaving this team and
going to my elder sister's place. I asserted that harmony in a collective is far
better than the place itself. I felt I would have been better off had I gone to
settle in a village production team in the first place. I was in total dismay
and burst into tears. Now when I recall that cry, it was nothing but baffling
and odd. I cried that time because of the disappointments I felt after my
arrival.
A day earlier, I was labeled by some as emotionless. When others got homesick
and sad, I did not share their emotion at all. So, they thought I was heartless
and passionless. I told myself that we should abandon the quasi-bourgeoisie
affection. A true revolutionary made her home wherever she is. A man who lives
for his home is nothing more than an animal. At that time, I did not take the
labels "heartless" "unaffectionate" as a negative. On the contrary, I took pride
in them. Wouldn't it be great if I can completely shake off the bourgeoisie
sentiment?
Just one day later, my emotions reached a climax! But I did not get homesick at
all because of that. Home no longer exists in my mind. I was filled with
thoughts about how I should live my life leaving nothing to be ashamed of. I got
extremely emotional out of concern about my life and future.
With a skeptical attitude, I came to my new squad. We started our two-day work.
We worked silently since we did not know each other. Our work assignment was to
transfer bricks. It was very tiring and demanding work. The two days of hard
labor left us with aching backs and limbs. On the third day, we worked from noon
to 3 AM in the morning. Our job was to pour wet cement to the spray tower. There
could be no pause in this process. Everyone was assigned with specific duties.
At work, we started chatting through which we got to know each other. Now I seem
to be able to strike up a conversation and to develop common language with some
of them.
My roommate is an experienced soldier named Liu Jianhua. I felt I was lucky to
share the room with her as she possessed worthy qualities for me to learn from.
She is enthusiastic about reading. Whenever she can, she always squeezes time to
read and copy important newspaper articles. Every minute of her leisure time is
spent on study and reading. I highly admire her. Her way of speaking and doing
things is different from others. She is approachable, caring and always warm-
hearted to others. She is second to none in taking care of others. I started to
have conversations with her, disclosing my personal thoughts about my family,
and my observations about the collective. As we gradually became intimate
friends, my original perspectives of our squad began to change. I started to
feel its warmth. I was very happy to pair with her in a study group studying
Chairman Mao's works. With such a role model at my side, I feel I am most
fortunate. From now on, we could share our thoughts, our study, and experiences.
I could consult her on issues regarding my growth. She will be able to guide me
with Chairman Mao's thoughts. Compared with the time when I first got here, my
political understanding has advanced.
One evening, I had a long talk with our squad leader who was very agreeable and
congenial. She came from a family of cadres and we shared a lot in our
background. This is an undeniable reality.
I am not saying that I prefer to mingle with everyone from a cadre family
background, since I hardly have anything in common with those who are arrogant
and politically ignorant. I am more willing to make friends with those who are
modest, politically conscious and thoughtful. They are easier to get to know and
willing to share. Together we can advance forward. People from families of
workers and peasants may be sincere and honest but I find it harder to
communicate with them due to limitations stemming from
their social background. This caused my initial frustration after being assigned
to the collective. I was concerned that I could not find "my ideal friends".
After several days' life in this squad, I realized our leader was the one to
fill that role. I came to see that I was unrealistically pessimistic. At the
very beginning, I decided that there was no one in this squad to share a common
language with me. I cried for this. How muddled-headed I was! I need to alert
myself that I should interact with those comrades from different family
backgrounds to enhance mutual understanding. I need to get along well with
everyone!
When I first came, I did not see the strength of these old soldiers. I saw that
they were hard-working but hardly progressing politically with very limited
thinking skills. I even thought they were short-sighted and mentally void.
Several days of observations changed my initial perspective. I did not correctly
assess my own political capability. I had shown arrogance, overestimating myself
while underestimating others. Chairman Mao criticized those "feeling like I am
the best and others good for nothing". The more arrogant then the more
insignificant a person is. An arrogant person will never advance.
I realized that everyone in my squad seemed to have firmly grasped the
importance of political study. A typical method was to copy newspaper articles.
I loved the atmosphere reflected in their intense interest in world affairs. How
could I complain about their lack of motivation and political short-sightedness?
My perspectives exposed my weakness in baselessly judging others. My initial
criticism was wrong. On the one hand, I felt happy to be a member of this squad.
On the other hand, I felt embarrassed realizing that I was prejudiced against
other comrades out of my arrogance. At that moment, I shifted my initial
disappointment to a sense of content.
Chairman Mao said: "Except for desert, there is left, right and central
everywhere there are human beings. This will never change even in ten thousand
years."
We should treat our new squad members with Chairman Mao's teaching. It is not
realistic to expect a collective to be perfect and flawless. We have different
kinds of people in every group. Only when we are aware of this, we would stop
judging a group based on our opinion of a few individuals.
Last Saturday, on the afternoon of the 6th, while we were working, I heard
someone calling my name in a very familiar voice. I turned around and saw my
elder sister and Xiao Ye standing there as if they had fallen from the sky! I
jumped for joy! I
had never imagined that I would see them here. They decided to stay overnight.
That evening, I bought two extra dinners for them. Many comrades also came to
greet them warmly. They brought back my dinner, lent us quilts and made space
for us. We three spent the night together in comfort.
At night, I had a long talk with my sister. She was impressed by what we had
here such as electric lights and running water supply. Our
once-horse-stable-turned rooms can comfortably fit three. My sister told me
living in "luxury" here is totally beyond comparison with hers. My elder sister
was sent to settle down in a production team. Our daily work was clearly defined
and goal oriented. It sounds significant whether it is tilling the land or
pulling bricks. Everything we do is contributing towards the construction of our
factory buildings. In my sister's environment, one can hardly relate the daily
work with the idea of farming for the revolution. The harder she works, the more
work points she earns, which in return qualified her for more food. Therefore,
working in the fields can hardly relate to revolution. Daily work thus seems
meaningless. Moreover, they are sluggish in work with no one overseeing their
political study and ideological cultivation. Everything was left to be managed
by themselves. In contrast, our life here is regulated militarily and special
personnel are assigned to be responsible for every aspect. Life here is strict
and intense.
My sister also told me that the supply system here at the troop is communist in
nature while the salary system is socialist in nature. People's commune, on the
other hand, is semi-socialistic. The latter would still develop towards
communism as the final goal. My sister said: "People's Commune will finally
develop into communism one day in the future. It will come sooner or later
through hardship. But I am sure this day will come, and we need to have
confidence."
We chatted about our family and Beijing in excitement. When we got up the next
morning, three of us went to Hohhot. No one could imagine while walking in the
streets of Beijing several months ago, we would walk on streets Hohhot today. In
comparison with Beijing, streets here looked shabby and miserable with hardly
any decent buildings.
On that night when I became emotional upon the squad assignment, Liu Xiuling
came to see me. We had a long talk. She told me that our political instructor
understood me and had asked Liu to help me. I couldn't believe it. The
instructor and I had never met, and therefore how she could understand me? I was
impressed by the thoughtfulness of the instructor, and that she made the effort
to understand everyone. Liu encouraged me to work hard in the new collective and
make friends with those more advanced comrades. She also encouraged me to set
high demands on myself towards the goal to join the Communist Youth League 3.
3. Communist Youth League: Also known as the Young Communist League of China, is a youth movement of the People's Republic of China for youth between the ages of 14 and 28. It is run by the Communist Party of China. Organized on the party pattern, it serves as the preparatory organization for membership in the Communist Party of China.
Liu's remarks on joining the Youth League surprised me most because it was a new
topic I had never thought about before.
Since my arrival, I have overturned some viewpoints in life which I regarded
unchangeable in the past. I used to stubbornly believe I should only stick with
those intimate to me wherever I went. Otherwise I would feel lonely and unhappy.
When I first got here, I clung to this belief. I pitied myself for not having
anyone with me to share my thoughts and life goals. I could not dare to imagine
what my life would be like. Therefore, I became very frustrated and
low-spirited. But gradually I got to know some people and started to open myself
up to them. Besides, the daily work and study were quite intense. My loneliness
subdued and the previous feeling of needing to have close friends on my side
gradually disappeared. Living in a collective, there are always others I can
talk to. The most important thing is that I have the Four Volumes of Chairman
Mao's Works which will guide me to solve any problems and overcome any
difficulties that I encounter. Chairman Mao is my dearest. I will be able to
find solutions to any problems in his great work. Having the Four Volumes with
me is like having him next to me. I feel I am equipped with unlimited power in
search for an independent path to move forward. I no longer feel lonely. In
carrying out revolution, we don't depend on our parents and relatives, neither
on intimate friends. We depend on Mao Zedong Thoughts. Chairman Mao's Works
provide ready solutions to issues of any sort. Our revolution guided by Chairman
Mao's Thoughts will overcome any difficulties. I can abandon anything but
Chairman Mao's Thoughts and his books, the very source of our strength and
wisdom.
I received a letter from Xiaoyin written on September 7th and it was
stimulating. Xiaoyin said in the letter: "I now only have one thought: working
and studying hard, serving the people like a diligent working ox. I think people
like us have no right at all to seek fame, profit, status and being in
limelight. We will be loyal wholeheartedly to the party, to Chairman Mao and
devote ourselves to the revolutionary course. We have nobody to rely on, not our
mothers, and not our fathers. We rely on Mao Zedong Thought. Our fathers are no
longer in our lives 4, so we will need to double our efforts and become
the first to bear hardship and the last to enjoy comforts." Xiaoyin and I
thought alike, and her letter was a timely reminder to myself as a guide in my
endeavor.
However, it is easier said than done. I must alert myself from time to time.
Otherwise, one's thoughts can easily go astray.
Looking back at what I have been doing since my arrival, I think I am on the
right track. I never sought any fame and status, which exactly as Xiaoyin said,
was not what we should be after. They were totally irrelevant, obsolete and
meaningless, and we didn't have the "right" to go after them.
4. Liu Ping's father Liu Kelin was a high-ranking party official in China's Publicity Department of the Communist Party of China Central Committee. After being persecuted during the Cultural Revolution, he jumped to his death in August 1966 at the age of forty-two, thus was labeled a class enemy. His reputation was restored in 1979. To be related to a class enemy at that time would deprive the rest of the family members of rights in all categories.
However, I did not double my efforts as I should have and sometimes, I feel that
I lagged behind. I failed to raise my bar high to become the first to bear
hardship and last to enjoy comfort, all of which is by no means easy. Knowing
that I face a more difficult task to achieve ideological transformation than
others, I must keep alerting myself to pay a higher price and shoulder a heavier
load. At present, my steps are too small, and efforts are slack. From now on, I
need to step up my pace marching forward.
September 16, 1969
September 19, 1969, Sunday
One day while working, Liu Shulin asked me: "Did you do well in math at school?"
I asked: "What makes you think that I did well in math?" As a matter of fact, I
did not study mathematics. At primary school, I only took arithmetic. She said:
"you seem to have a strong sense of logic while expressing yourself." So, the
conclusion is: mathematical ability leads to strength in logic because math is
logic and reasoning based. As a matter of fact, I am not good at math at all and
this complement does not fit me. I hardly know anything about reasoning and
logic.
I received a letter from my mom tonight. She mentioned that due to the series of
happenings in the family, my experience is totally different from other
classmates of mine, marked with its peculiar characters. I need to grasp firmly
the conflict within these peculiarities and analyze their nature in order to
define my own path. Her letter reminds me of the talk I had with Liu Shulin this
morning. I feel this is a complicated matter and I would need to dig deeper into
it.
September 25, 1969, Friday
The work these days has been intense, and I am exhausted. While our days went by
fast, we have not advanced our ideology further. I felt spiritually barren and
fell into the state: "…lack of planning and direction, muddling through
the days and tolling the bell for long like being a monk". Why? Because our
mental struggle became unfocused, political study was neglected, our thinking
processes became static and our days were lived in a gentle breeze and mild
rain. These days, I did not engage myself with issues that I face, but rather
focused on the trivial. The original ambition and momentum that I came here was
weakened rather than strengthened day by day. I am not content with the current
scenario and feel depressed.
I received four letters, each of which motivated and inspired me. They made me
feel that my family and friends are never away from me. They became a source of
affection to me.
Last night I received letters from Xiaoyin and Xiaojian, and today letters from
my elder sister, and my elder brother Zili arrived.
Xiaoyin's letter helped me in how to think about my family issues properly while
Xiaojian's letter in what kind of friends I should make. My elder sister brought
me some great news: her party membership will be reevaluated by the
organization. In other words, she is likely to be accepted as a glorious
Communist Party member! Zili's letter discussed how we should regard the masses
as the foundation and power of the society.
September 27, 1969
A month ago from today, I boarded the train to Inner Mongolia. I was in Beijing
on the 27th but arrived in Hohhot on the 28th. Today is the one-month mark since
my arrival. The one-month experience proves: I can live independently and
optimistically with the guidance of Chairman Mao's thoughts.
October 13, 1969
We will be going to our "real home". We will head to the place of
hardship—the countryside. Here (Hohhot) is more comfortable than our "real
home". We live in buildings with tap water and electricity. Before my arrival, I
did not expect that we would live in such comfort and convenience, but rather in
places with poorer conditions. I think it is time to leave comfort. Some people,
however, took it for granted. They are leaving here in grumbles and resentment.
They tried to cover up their fear of hardship with all kinds of excuses. This is
a critical moment! Those who shouted aloud "fearing neither hardship nor death"
kept silent and left the city in bitter disappointment.
I take this as a new starting point. I will take this opportunity to change my
mindset on par with the changes of the environment and adapt myself to the new
setting. The process itself uplifted my spirit. I shall often ask myself: why
did I take the first step and what do I hope to accomplish? I came here with the
strong desire to transform my worldview. Therefore, all non-proletariat
thoughts, including fear of hardship, are to be transformed. If I don't
proactively do so, I will degenerate into a mediocre person decayed in comfort
but with no life goals. Mediocre people only seek to live every day in comfort.
If the condition is not as expected, they would complain bitterly. They are here
for a comfortable life but not for revolution. There is no limit to the comfort
of living! How meaningless and insignificant will I become! Whenever the
comfort-seeking desire surfaces, I will ask myself what I am here for. I am here
on the mission of revolution not for a comfortable life.
Every hardship does me good while comfort does the opposite. Even in comfort, we
should seek every chance to bring ourselves to face hardship. Our mindset will
be transformed by doing so. It is impossible to transform our mind in comfort. A
revolutionary successor with ambition, courage, will power and dauntless heroism
emerge from great storms but not from a greenhouse.
We are heading to our destiny. The good condition and comfortable life here for
the last month weakened my determination to endure hardship. Compare the living
condition here with the future home. I naturally prefer it here. Although it is
comfortable here, it is beyond comparison with my own home in Beijing. Why
wasn't I reluctant to leave my home? I did some self-examination: petty
bourgeoisie asked for revolution in the first place but did not implement it
thoroughly. Only when such incompleteness is overcome, I will head into hardship
with no fear. From this perspective, I feel it is best that I go to my "real
home"— the sooner the better. Continuing to stay here will make going to
harsh places even more difficult for me. Consequently, my willpower will
degenerate. I will be corrupt in life and then in thoughts. I feel I am less
prepared to bear hardship now than before. The good living conditions here are
to blame. To a certain degree, coming to Hohhot did not do us any good. But we
came here as needed by the revolution. Going to our real home is also a
revolutionary need. Some people obey and delight when their personal interests
conform to revolutionary needs. But when in conflict, they complain and disobey.
This kind of people will be no more than fellow travelers because they are not
committed to carry out the revolution to the end.
We are about to leave. From now on, we will settle down in the countryside.
However, our life for the past month is also significant as we experienced
construction work from which I learned a lot. I will need to summarize my
experience as well as lessons learned before leaving for our real home. This
evaluation will help me maximize my strength and minimize my weaknesses.
October 14, 1969
On the issue of whether we should establish roots in the countryside 5,
there has been a heated campaign against putting personal interests above the
public interest. This struggle enabled me to understand the harm of disguising
personal interests as the public interest. In this campaign, some people
deliberately created confusion by mixing personal and public interests. Wrapping
themselves up in the "banner of tiger skin", they intimidated others. However,
selfishness cannot be covered up and is incompatible with selflessness like fire
and water. Currently,
there is hardly anyone
who would publicly advocate "Everyone for himself and the devil takes the
hindmost". However, this corrupt philosophy of life is still rooted in the
society. It poisons people in a different way as it now appears with a "chic and
gorgeous coat". Adapting to change, it has taken on a concealed form.
I shall always remember the Great Leader Lenin's remarks: "We will fight against
all bourgeoisie thoughts no matter what kind of "chic and gorgeous coat" they
put on.
October 20
The advantage of diary writing is to record my footprints and to have a
heart-to- heart friend!
Around 2 PM on 16th, the company leader announced that we can leave our camp,
but to return no later than 6 PM the next day. Everyone rushed back to his/her
room to pack. Those from Hohhot returned home and those from Beijing went on a
tour. I was going to visit my elder sister.
A group of us went to a portrait shop to have photos taken. And then a classmate
and I rushed to the railway station. I planned to take the five o'clock train to
Bike Banner. We got the train ticket leaving at 5:11. We waited on the platform
for a little while before the train arrived. I was so anxious to see my sister
that I did not even think about how I should travel for over thirty kilometers
after arrival. The train roared on and the sun set behind the mountains. The sky
turned dark. My classmate got off at the station before mine. I was alone by
myself and only then I realized I was facing an unimaginable difficulty: How
should I travel thirty kilometers by myself in darkness? The train stopped at
the platform and I rushed off. I was at a total loss but walked ahead aimlessly.
What shall I do as a stranger in a strange place? I asked an elderly man ahead
of me where I could borrow a telephone. He told me that the ongoing broadcasting
and telephone share the same cable and the telephone would only work after the
broadcasting is over. But the broadcasting would continue past 10:00 PM. I
originally planned to contact my sister by phone to ask her to come to pick me
up. But this plan, as my only hope, was shattered. I definitely could not set
out on this thirty-kilometer-trip on foot in darkness. The old man recommended
that I stay overnight in the Commune hostel. When I got there, I was approached
by a few in repulsive appearance. They asked me where I came from and why I was
here. They responded glibly that this hostel only catered for cadres. I was
kicked out. I roamed around in the dark and thought hard what I should resort to
but to no avail.I could not imagine I could be driven onto the streets
tonight.
5. Since Rusticated Youth were destined to settle down in the countryside permanently, any desire to return to their urban home city was regarded as selfish thinking while staying was regarded as a selfless act.
I was so used to thinking that the younger generation like me would have been
taken good care of by the older ones. At this moment my heart sank. I suddenly
remembered that I saw a telephone in the hostel, and I turned back in the hope
that I might use the telephone to call my sister after 10:00. I returned to the
hostel and told the man in the office that I would like to use the phone. He
reluctantly agreed. I thanked heaven for his generosity! I sat next to the phone
and gazed on the clock. It was a little past 7 PM. I had three more hours to go.
How difficult it was for me to be stuck in a shabby place like this hostel all
by
myself. After a little while, the man said to me: "It is okay that you stay here
overnight but you will need to pay 1.4 yuan." I thought to myself that went too
far. I would not stay here. The man saw that I did not give in and his tone
suddenly became warmer: "You may use the phone after 10:00, but it would be very
late. You might want to stay here tonight." Getting no response, his face
toughened: "It is up to you whether to stay here or not. If not, get out." In
other words, I do not have the right to stay here if I do not pay the 1.4 yuan.
Finally, there was nothing I could do but pay him and he took me to a small room
filled with a nauseating smell. The bedding was so dirty and smelly that I could
not stand it for even a minute! But what else can I do but stay here? I thought
back on what happened on the train, off the train and ended up in this filthy
little hostel. I also imagined the challenges I could face tomorrow. This trip
was truly hard. In the hostel, I was sitting on the edge of the bed at the
beginning, but when I became terribly sleepy, I laid down in the bed. What a
long night!
In the early morning, I got up and walked out of this dirty room. My right arm
was bitten by fleas all over—a harvest of the night!
It was 6:20 in the morning when I left the hostel. I walked at a large pace in
the direction of Beishizhou. The sun on the horizon, there was no one on the
road. Occasionally a horse-drawn cart came from the opposite direction. I was
walking alone one step after another. The villages were left behind one after
another. The sun rose slowly from the horizon and it was now on the top of my
head. It was noon time! In the beginning, I was walking with confidence but now
I am exhausted. The desire to see my sister kept me going. One minute earlier I
get there, one more minute I would have to spend with her. The duration of our
time off is only one and a half days!
I had already wasted one night doing nothing! I did not get any rides on my way.
I asked some people on bicycles for directions. But their answers varied from
ten kilometers to twenty. I dragged my two heavy legs forward one step after
another. Finally I managed to complete the long trip of thirty-kilometers on
foot, and reached my sister's village. My fatigue faded at the thought that I
was about to see my sister. I rehearsed what I should describe to my sister when
I see her—the hardship and challenges I experienced along the way.
I saw a boy and asked him where my sister was. He said: "She is not here. She is
in the hospital in Hohhot due to hepatitis." What a head-on blow! The boy's
words hit me hard! I came here in vain. Recalling the extremely difficult time
on the journey and the thirty-kilometer trip on foot, I became desperate! What's
more my sister is
hospitalized with a dangerous illness. I could not help but burst into tears. I
seldom cry but this time I could no longer control my emotion!
I saw Tian Xiaoye and learned how my sister got sick. Many villagers as well as
my former classmates came to see me. I tried hard to hold back my tears in front
of so many people.
I was anxious to return to Hohhot as soon as possible, but the only remaining
train ride for the day left at 11:00 PM. I no longer wanted to travel on foot at
night and decided to stay in the village for the night. I would take the 10:40
morning train the next day back to Hohhot.
I followed Tian Xiaoye and saw Ji Dahong to the east of the village. The village
was dirty and messy filled with droppings and smelly water puddles. It was
poorly structured with houses scattered here and there. Pigs were not kept in
pigsties, running around all over the place. My first impression was the village
was lifeless with no vitality. Look at their rooms! In preparation for moving
into new houses, their rooms were in a terrible mess—dirty, dusty and
chaotic. People were busy with their own work: some were busy cooking cabbages;
some were pulling bellows; some were building a brick fence in the courtyard.
Everyone was working in silence. Tian Xiaoye and I found a violin and accordion
in a dusty corner. A thick layer of dust covered the instruments, indicating
they had not been played for ages. Before I came, I was thinking about asking my
sister to play the violin for me. Now that my sister was gone, no one else could
play. Tian Xiaoye played a few songs,
but they
did not sound well as she was not good at it. I took out the accordion and
played a few notes. I felt the sound was so loud that it could be heard
throughout the lifeless village.
In the evening, Old Qiao came to see me. He prepared some candied pancakes for
me. I heard that Old Qiao was very thrifty, but he cooked the pancake with lots
of oil just for me. I was very grateful for his generosity and kindness. What a
contrast between Old Qiao and the man in the hostel!
The next morning, we went from the east end to the west end of the village and
finally found a bicycle. It was past 8:00 AM and my sister's teammates gave me
two pieces of pancake and we set on our way. Tian Xiaoye rode the bicycle with
me on the back seat. We headed towards the railway station.
The road was bumpy and rough the whole way. The weather seemed to be against us
as well. We rode against the wind and Tian Xiaoye cycled strenuously. In a
while, the sky darkened like a black curtain that came down. The grey clouds in
the front seemed to be looming with white stripes, indicating it was raining
just ahead of us. Wind gusts blew stronger. What a broad plain field with not a
single person, and not a single house! The sky got darker and a storm was coming
at any moment! We got really worried because we would not be able to get to the
railway station on time along this 30-kilometer trip in a storm. If I missed the
train, there would be grave consequences. It was the 18th and we were supposed
to leave Hohhot the next day.
In no time it was raining. We put on our raincoats and continued riding forward.
There was no shelter in the wide plain. Even if there were, we could not afford
the time to stop. To catch the train, we rode forward with all our strength.
When Xiaoye became exhausted, I took over. We chatted along the way. We were
risking our lives in such a storm. I said: "This time we truly brave the storm
and face the world." Xiaoye replied: "Natural storms are not to be feared and
can be conquered. But class struggle and social storms put people to the test
and thus could be more challenging." I connected her words with my "unlucky
trip" and nodded my head.
We talked about lots of issues in the storm. We mutually felt since we had
entered society, our lives were no longer as simple as before. If we were still
naïve in thinking, we would run up against stonewalls everywhere we go.
However, through every such experience and snag, we grew smarter. We grow up in
storms.
Rain continued and wind gusts weakened. We were soaked with rain, but we sweated
all through.
Having come out of the storm, we seemed to be approaching the destination on
time. We could already see the water tower, the landmark of the railway station.
With five more kilometers to go, victory was in sight.
However, more challenges lay in store. The roads became so muddy after the rain
that our bicycle would no longer ride forward. We had to get off and push the
bicycle ahead. But soon, we were not even able to do that. The tires got so
muddy and mud got stuck between the tire and fender. We had to dig out the mud
with our fingers, push the bicycle by a few inches and then resume digging
again. Our hands were muddy and our faces splashed with mud all over. The clock
ticked. We found ourselves in the same place. We realized that the bicycle could
no longer help us and had become a burden instead. A passerby told us the time
was 10:00 o'clock. Only forty minutes left! At that time, Xiaoye asked me to
rush to the railway station by myself while she would continue the struggle with
the bicycle. I was not willing to leave her. We managed to brave the storm
together on the same bicycle. The final victory was just ahead. How much I wish
that we could hold up to the end! Moreover, I was afraid to travel by myself. I
wished Xiaoye could be by my side for the remainder of the journey. Xiaoye urged
me again. Yet I was still reluctant to leave her behind all by herself. On
second thought, what would happen if I missed my train? Should I wait for the
midnight train? I could not imagine the consequences. With no alternatives, I
was forced to bid her farewell. I walked on by foot in mud and turned repeatedly
to see my friend until she got further and further out of sight. She was still
there digging the mud out of the fender.
I finally got to the station around 11:00 AM. Luckily the train was delayed. If
it had arrived on time, I would have missed it. I bought my ticket and ran to
the crossroads to wait for Xiaoye. No one passed by. Stuck with this difficult
condition, I felt very bad leaving Xiaoye in such a difficult situation. One
hour slipped by, and somebody appeared on the road pushing a bicycle. Tian
Xiaoye! I was so happy to see her! Xiaoye looked exhausted. Obviously things had
not been easy. I was filled with gratitude and admiration. Having braved the
storm with her and gone through so many challenges along the way, I could see
that she had grown into a brave, mature and strong person after one year's
effort here.
In comparison, I was so behind! While we were chatting, a train whistle sounded,
and I rushed to the platform. I turned around again and again while waving her
farewell. It was a real farewell now. I had no idea when we were to meet again!
I would not forget what happened on this trip. As the train was leaving, I waved
to Xiaoye one more time. She had a grave expression and was about to cry. What
concerned her now? Would the return trip over thirty kilometers on a broken
bicycle frustrate her? No. She said nature was not to be feared. Then what? I
did not know. Her mood also gave me a heavy heart. Neither of us appeared strong
at that moment. With another whistle, the train departed.
An hour later, the train arrived in Hohhot. I returned to this city in one day.
I asked for directions to the Hospital of Infectious Diseases and rushed there
after walking for another several kilometers. I found my sister's room and
pushed the door open anxiously. She was sitting in bed reading and called out in
astonishment and joy.
My sister seemed weak and pale. She had totally changed from a month ago. In
comparison, I looked tall and strong. I was very disturbed seeing her in this
state. In spite of suffering from the illness, she was in a good mood and
optimistic, which consoled me and uplifted my spirit to some extent. We chatted
in excitement and poured out words endlessly. I read the telegram from mom and
also the letter from Xiaoye. Now I understood why Xiaoye was in a grave mood on
my departure. Xiaoye said in her letter: "I could not imagine how much will
power you must have summoned in fighting against the virus!" Now I am aware how
much my sister was admired among her fellow friends such as Xiaoye. Everybody
sank to a bad mood after learning that she was sick. That might explain why they
were so silent when I saw them in the village.
As a matter of fact, my sister was strong! She could endure greater pain than
many others including myself. She was quite ill. Ever since she was
hospitalized, she had been given IV injections every day. I tried to persuade
her to go back to Beijing to receive better treatment. We talked for over an
hour till 4:00 PM. It would take me another hour or so to get back to our camp.
We were leaving Hohhot tomorrow for our new homes and I needed some time to pack
up. How time flew! I had to leave.
My sister got up and we together walked out of the hospital. Worrying about her
condition, I talked her into getting back to her bed. Waving to each other until
we couldn't see each other anymore, I couldn't help thinking when we would be
able to see each other again? After wasting so much time during this unfortunate
trip, our time together only counted a little over one hour. We left each other
in such a haste.
During the two days between the afternoon of the 16th and 18th when I left my
sister, so much had happened. I saw the world and experienced the storm. What I
gained in these two days far exceeded the peaceful two weeks or even two months
in regular time. It was an unfortunate trip but a significant experience. The
hardship was enormous, but it enriched my life experience and broadened my
vision. I formed new thoughts and learned to put things in perspective. In a
word, it was an unusual journey.
October 28
Our great leader Chairman Mao said: "Human beings must constantly draw lessons
from their experiences, engage in discoveries and creation, conduct innovative
activities and make progress. Any pessimistic, static, idling, and arrogant
attitudes are erroneous." Chairman Mao's visionary foresight based on both
natural and social science history reflects the importance of learning lessons
from revolutionary experience in guiding our future practices. I have already
realized its significance and necessity through my own experiences.
I took my course to merge with workers, peasants and soldiers out of a strong
desire to transform my worldview. Therefore, I wish I could see myself
progressing ideologically. If we simply content ourselves with daily routine
work and take a passive attitude, we will idly let time pass by and fail to
strive for our goals to transform our worldviews. Without conscientiously making
progress and rectifying our mistakes, we will then degenerate into mediocre
people, "physically active but mentally passive", "pulling the cart without
looking at the roads".
More active and acute ideological struggle needs to be in place if we are to
thoroughly transform our ideology. We will seek final solutions in Chairman
Mao's works for all the variety of problems that we encounter every day. We will
move one step further as one problem gets solved. In return, if we compare our
everyday practice against the revolutionary theory that guides us, we will be
able to identify what is right and what is wrong. by keeping the correct and
rectifying the wrong, we would embark on a road of further reform until we
ultimately reach the communist spiritual realm.
If we let our thoughts drift freely, with no thinking, no contemplating, no
clear-cut boundary between proletariat and bourgeois ideology, we will not be
able to differentiate the former from the latter. If we let them coexist
peacefully, bourgeois thoughts will erode the proletariat sphere and overpower
you. Loosening the ideological struggle is one of the factors for being taken
prisoner of bourgeoisie.
It has been two months since my arrival. I have gradually slackened off my
ideological struggle. I muddled along with some of the trends here and got
lazier and lazier in my thinking. I have not been willing to analyze and solve
issues with Mao Zedong Thoughts. I simply do the least expected of myself. The
consequence is the "peaceful coexistence" between proletariat and bourgeoisie
thoughts in my mind.
I do study sometimes but tend to avoid the practical issues that we face every
day and instead look for other topics. I did not follow Vice Chairman Lin's
instruction: "Engage in targeted learning with the purpose of solving practical
problems. Learn by doing and apply immediately. Prioritize study to meet urgent
needs." What I am doing is typically shooting an arrow without a target. I am
studying Marxism, Leninism and Mao's Thoughts for the sake of study without
realizing that these revolutionary theories are guides for actions rather than
empty dogmas. It is not possible to grasp the essence simply by studying for its
own sake. Only by gradually applying theories to action will we be able to
master it. Therefore, if we are not able to solve any practical issues that we
encounter every day, mere study does not get us anywhere. Those issues remain to
be problems if not solved, and they would accumulate if not dealt with on time.
By then, it will be much more difficult to overcome them.
Sometimes I tell myself that we will be "subtly influenced" by learning over
time, but I then ignore that this is in violation of Vice Chairman Lin's 6
teaching. ‘Subtle influencing' is useful to some extent, but of less value
than learning by doing. It will be extremely erroneous to replace the latter
with the former.
Now, I have learned the importance of proactive learning from experiences. I
will place the existing problems on the table and analyze them with Mao's
Thoughts in the hope of making progress in problem solving.
1. Highest instruction: "Hardworking lifestyle could not be in place without
clearly defined political direction;
6. Vice Chairman Lin Biao (1907-1971): He ranked third among the 10 Marshals of the PRC and was pivotal in the Communist victory in the Civil War. During the Cultural Revolution, Lin became instrumental in creating the foundations for Mao Zedong's cult of personality and was named Mao's designated successor as the sole Vice Chairman of the CPC and stated in the CPC Charter. The Chinese government blamed Lin for a botched coup against Mao and his group attempted to flee. Lin died on September 13, 1971 when the plane he was aboard crashed in Oodorkhaan in Mongolia. Together with Mao's wife Jiang Qing, Lin has been labeled the two major "counter-revolutionary forces" of the Cultural Revolution, receiving official blame from the CPC for the worst expressions of the period.
political direction could not be followed without hardworking lifestyle."
November 4, Tuesday
Life is like ocean waves, sometimes in high tides, sometimes low.
A storm arose from collecting firewood. I overheard some complaints about me:
"divorcing theory from reality", "bookworm", "boasting", "eloquent speaker", and
"keeping to self while being oblivious of surroundings", etc. These criticisms
really struck me. This is the kind of person that I look down upon the most. Am
I one of them? I cannot accept nor understand it. Especially boasting and
eloquence in speaking particularly offended me. At the time I was upset and shed
tears, the second time since our arrival here two months ago. The first time I
cried was right after squad assignment. I was in very low spirits then. But I
gradually came out of it and I had been in good spirits before this wave of
bitter criticisms. These comments shocked me and threw me into low morale again.
I met new challenges and obstacles. In order to continue my progress and embrace
new high tides, I need to overcome these obstacles. We should never expect
smooth sailing. We sail in waves, going through high and low tides.
I calmed myself down and analyzed these criticisms. Xiaoyin's convincing words
came to my mind: "Be down-to-earth and hardworking; diligent and conscientious;
make twice as much effort as others and remain the first to bear hardship and
last to enjoy comfort. We have no right to seek fame, status and to compete for
the limelight." I was pushing myself towards these criteria before, but why have
I lowered my standard now? These words once were my motto, but now they seem to
be less relevant. We used to encourage each other in our effort to serve the
people as their most loyal "old buffalo". But now this goal seemed to be further
and further away. Why? I became more indifferent to the original call to serve
the people and less motivated to strive towards it. I put too much emphasis on
ideological transformation, but deviated from serving the people, thus slipping
to the opposite direction. Focused on personal cultivation with a closed door, I
have failed to reform my thinking process. Isn't this a typical example of
divorcing theory from practice?
Without fully realizing the importance of serving the people in practice and
transforming our thoughts, I one-sidedly overestimated the role of theory on
ideological transformation. As a result, I buried myself in books. Although my
book knowledge increased, I failed to link theory with practice. With more lip-
service, and less action, the theory that I claimed to have grasped was only
words from books.
Therefore, to be labeled as "indulging in verbiage" should not have come as a
surprise.
Those who possess both theory and the ability to apply it to practice are the
ideal people. Revolutionary action will be limited without understanding
revolutionary theories. It is necessary to grasp revolutionary theory.
Vice Chairman Lin said: "Don't take reading as dogmatic—which is wrong.
Limit to reading alone with no action or no application to practice leads to
dogmatism."
We will need to excel in both studying theory and applying it to practice. We
are opposed to no study, no reading newspapers, ignorance and incompetence. At
the same time, we also oppose separation between theory and practice.
November 9, Sunday
Yesterday I had a long chat with Qin Xiaohua on the recent change in my
thoughts. She pointed out my problems that I mentioned above. I fully agree with
her. I would never have been enlightened if I had not gone through the last
storm wave. I now understand the methodology of study in a different light. It
is an issue of great importance and I need to pay attention to it.
November 10, Monday
Our instructor proposed self-examinations in four areas: thoughts, motivations,
enthusiasm, and organizational disciplines.
Thought is the foremost. There are many living thoughts around. Let us put them
on the table for analysis and identification. Are they of proletariat or
bourgeoisie, of public or personal interests? I thought of Lenin's words again.
They are applicable for others as well as for me. We must not allow thoughts of
personal interest to occupy our mind in the name of public interest.
Our daily routine is boring. Is repetition of collecting wood, study, eating and
sleeping compatible with the great call to cultivating the wilderness and
guarding the frontier? What is the link between our daily routine with the great
revolutionary course? I can hardly see any inner connections.
Since changes are constant, all I have been doing is to play it by ear. I think
changes are totally beyond my imagination and there are no set directions and
plans. I satisfy myself with living well every day. I expect some gains from
every day passing by, but lack a long-term plan, goals and directions.
I am not confident about settling down in the border area permanently, and am
suspicious of our ability to thoroughly change this bleak and barren gully. We
will not be here for long as wars may break out at any time. I don't believe
that we will stay here for good. No more than three years. After then, I won't
be here anymore. Where will I be? I don't know.
Sometimes I ask myself: is "serving people" only limited to some trivial act
such as boiling water, sweeping the courtyard, collecting firewood and helping
with kitchen work? We do these for no more than a squad or platoon or a company.
Of course, serving people needs to start from a small scope, but shouldn't be
limited to these daily chores. Sometimes, I feel reluctant to engage in these
services because I feel they are insignificant.
Contrasting from other chores, the experience of gathering firewood is
nevertheless worth it. It was completely new to me, and it imposes more
challenges because it is done in open and frigid freezing cold. In doing the
job, I can experience Chairman Mao's teaching on "utmost joy struggling with
heaven and earth." Therefore, I am more than willing to take the assignment.
This hard job toughens my willpower and tempers myself into steel and iron. This
thought, instead of serving the people by keeping squad mates warm with wood,
motivated me to face the challenges. I tend to separate the mission to serve the
people from training my own willpower. To me, cultivating the spirit of fearing
neither hardship nor death is more appealing than serving the people by
fulfilling trivial services.
October 11 7, Tuesday
In the morning on Daily Reading, I examined my recent thoughts without much
analysis and criticism. However, I realized that it was private interest which
caused these ideas and should be combated against. Chairman Mao's thoughts are
the sharpest weapon and we should use it to investigate our thoughts.
October 12 8, Wednesday
Studying Chairman Mao's quotations enabled me to understand some issues which I
did not before. Chairman Mao's thoughts helped me to think through problems.
Chairman Mao said: "The development of any new things is marked with twists and
turns. In our socialist course, any wishful thinking for smooth sailing to
success without any hardship and great effort is nothing but an illusion." "In
making revolution, there are more rough times along with the smooth. When this
happens, the key focus in dealing with contradictions shifts to overcoming
difficulties. Thanks to the efforts of revolutionaries, we are able to conquer
difficulties and pave way for smooth progress." "We should often let our people
see the progress the world has made and the bright future ahead of us, and to
build people's confidence towards victory. At the same time, we need to inform
them that the road ahead is bumpy and rocky. There are many obstacles along the
way…" We should recognize the challenges, analyze them and combat them.
There are no straight roads in the world. Be prepared to travel on winding
roads, and don't look for short-cuts.
7. October 11: The date for this diary entry should be November 11.
8. October 12: The date for this diary entry should be November 12.
Be prepared to travel on winding roads, and don't look for short-cuts.
The Inner Mongolia Construction and Production Corps was a brand-new phenomenon
when established. There are bound to be difficult times as we are experiencing
now. "More rough times along with the smooth." The current difficulties we face
now are: shortage of coal, food and other supplies, limited transportation as
well as poor living conditions. To overcome these difficulties, we need to split
and collect firewood every day to supply fuel. Subjectively, we prefer not to
absorb in this daily chore. We'd much rather engage ourselves as soon as
possible in the great battle of cultivating the wilderness and safeguarding the
frontier in the spirit of transforming heaven and earth! However, the current
obstacles prevented us from fulfilling our wish. Therefore, we need to keep
Chairman Mao's teaching in mind: "Recognize the difficulties, analyze them and
fight them." "……gradually overcome the difficulties and pave the
way for smooth progress." Our daily routine of collecting firewood is to prepare
ourselves for the freezing winter. As winter passes by, we would be better
prepared for more struggle and success. We are collecting firewood and storing
vegetables in preparation for greater campaigns. The call for cultivating the
wilderness and guarding the frontier is a two-step campaign. Settling down in
border land is the first step leading to further development and better defense
of our territories. Therefore, what we are doing is very significant. Everything
we are doing now is to prepare ourselves to settle down. Only when we put
ourselves on a firm footing, can we progress to construct and produce. We are
directly implementing the government's policy. Cannot you see the internal link?
Failing to see the link is being short-sighted. Chairman Mao said: "We need to
rely on telescopes and microscopes to enhance our vision. Marxism is our
political and military telescope and microscope." When I studied Chairman Mao's
teaching, I could see the internal link between what we are doing and the great
revolutionary course.
During the Long March when food supply was in dire shortage, Vice Chairman Lin
made every effort to look for edible herbs and grass roots. Having gathered in
hundreds, he then tasted each of them risking his own life by poisoning. Vice
Chairman Lin said: "we should be aware that this is the most glorious work in
China's revolutionary history. We have to accomplish it by every possible
means." Looking for herbs then could be comparable to collecting firewood that
we are
doing today. It was not purely for the sake of looking for herbs or finding
firewood. The ultimate purpose was to overcome hunger and coldness! "Conquer all
obstacles and win the final victory." When we overcome the difficulties and
hardship, we will march towards the destination!
We are not in war time today, but as Chairman Mao taught us: "it is merely an
illusion and wishful thinking to anticipate success in our socialist revolution
without enduring hardship and making great efforts." I did not fully understand
the true meaning before, especially when encountering difficulties. I took
things for granted
that everything was planned
well and would move along well.I did not prepare myself for the unexpected, this
resulted in becoming pessimistic and disappointed.
Having studied Chairman Mao's teaching, I am aware that we are on a rocky and
bumpy road. We need to stand high and see far. Only great foresight will enable
us to see the great future. "…our future is bright but the road is
winding."
Having found a solution for this major problem and contradiction, all other
issues are readily resolved.
When we see that the difficulties ahead can be overcome and understand that no
roads are straight in the world, we can then develop more confidence in settling
down in the border region and changing the face of this bleak and barren
land.
When we connect what we are doing here with the great revolutionary course, we
will have formed a clear direction for our endeavor. Whatever we do and wherever
we go is to accomplish the goal of defending and developing our borderland!
November 19, 1969
Something annoying and immoral happened! Somebody peeked at my diary and even
copied some paragraphs—it is so frustrating! When he made a speech to the
public, he shamelessly quoted others' words including the plagiarized paragraphs
from my diary. It sounded well-written and was a long speech, but where were his
own thoughts? Hardly anything! He chewed the bread spit by others! How
disgusting!
This mishap made me feel that I can never judge a person by their appearance. He
does not look immoral at all from his appearance. But the fact speaks for
itself: this person's personality is defective. Besides the diary issue, there
are several other strange things involving him, which I shall not expand on
here. How shall I treat this? Shall I be candid with him and then see what he
has to say? As a matter of fact, he himself knew it was his fault but pretended
to be calm.
Another strange thing was someone lavishly praised me as "the only one she
admires from the whole platoon", etc. In fact, I don't know her well. Our first
contact did not leave me with a good impression. She was flashy but lacked
substance. Why did she flatter me like that? I don't know. But I do know that I
cannot judge a person based on her attitude towards me. Additionally, it wasn't
normal to flatter face-to-face. Did she just say it for the sake of flattering,
or did she have other intentions? I must be on alert because I did not know what
she meant by what she said.
I do not really know how to handle what I described here. Even my partner in the
Red Pair 9 was not able to help. Who else can I trust for
advice and help? At this moment, I miss my sister! She could help me on all
these issues. How much I longed to share with her what had happened here since
my arrival. How much I need her advice and help currently! Although I seem to
get along with people, I do not have a trust-worthy friend with a common goal. I
talked a lot with my partner in the Red Pair, but we are not heart-to-heart
friends. She was reluctant to show her true thoughts. I did not get much help
from her on many issues. Sometimes I get disappointed, but there is nothing else
I can do. I will try my best to get as much help as possible. I need to be more
self-reliant rather than seeking external help.
Sometimes I get frustrated at others' defective behaviors. How can I stand
spending the rest of my life with them? I have always imagined how wonderful it
would have been to be with my sister, Xiaoye and Xiaoyin! Other times, I see
other good natured comrades around, and I feel good to belong to my
community.
9. The phrase became prevalent in the People's Liberation Army in the 60's. It refers to pairing two individuals to engage in political studies.
In general, I need to practice more positive thinking.
December 1
Our squad, platoon and company were reorganized. Some were transferred to other
collectives while others were transferred to us. Now, our squad is totally
different from before. The newly formed squad disappointed me and I lost my
confidence. Those who were transferred away were the ones I was close to and I
thought highly
of them. To some extent, I was satisfied being here because of them. But now all
of them are gone. Those who remain are those I hardly share any common language
with. It is so meaningless to stay with them on the same squad. I did not make
much effort to approach them before; I am the same today, and I predict that I
will be so in the future. Therefore, I dislike the current situation and find it
difficult to stay positive. Although I am aware that I will get nowhere without
a good team, my squad mates are disappointing, and I can hardly see anyone
living up to my expectations. What a mob we have here: selfish, narrow and
slick-minded fellows. I truly miss those who were transferred. Despite their
weaknesses, they were a group of down-to-earth, upright and honest youth with
revolutionary ideals. They were just the opposite in personality from those who
were left behind. During the three months since our arrival, I have followed
them as my role models: collecting firewood with Fan Yianyan; carrying well
water with Liu Jianhua and chatting with Qin Xiaohua, etc. I saw the quality of
bearing hardship, diligence and perseverance, and the spirit of combining
revolutionary ideals with practice. In a word, they were my role models in every
aspect of work and life. Now they left and those valuable traits are gone with
them. Now those around are only doing their own work taking no heed of others.
How boring it is!
The variety of thoughts arising from the reassignments has become a major issue
of concern which I will prioritize to solve first.
December 8
Another week passed by. I am now getting used to the new squad. I realized that
the newcomers were not as bad as I imagined. The deputy squad leader had left me
with a poor impression in particular. I used to regard her as arrogant and
overestimating herself. I looked down upon her. However, she took on a new face
after being transferred to our team. She has become humble and sincere. She
takes her responsibility seriously and sets a good example at her job. I totally
changed my previous prejudice against her.
It turns out that we can never judge a person with a hard-and-fast rule.
Everyone should be judged with a developmental perspective.
Recently, we have been going to Wuliang Swamp to collect reeds. This was a
twenty-kilometer round trip on foot. We left early in the morning and returned
at night. It was a wonderful opportunity to toughen our feet! We have done this
three times already. Each day, these long trips are becoming a little easier to
endure. Obviously, this was gaining. The three days' training enabled me to
handle the trips with confidence! Before, I didn't even want to waste one more
step, but now each step is progress for me. I am more than willing to take on
the challenge.
December 26
Around 11:00 AM, Fan Yanying and I departed the fish farm on a twenty- kilometer
trip to Weiketu. The day before we began our journey at 3:00 in the morning and
didn't arrive at Qianqi until nearly noon time. The anti-tank drill started at
noon. Two tanks parked in the low land between hills and a group of people were
visiting the tanks. Some of them are soldiers from our regimen and some local
communes. After a while, people got off the tanks and a comrade gave a
presentation on the structure and functions of the tank. A small red flag was
used to highlight various parts of the tank. Both tanks were designed and built
by our own country. The presenter provided great details about the tank
including its weight, firing range, etc. He also compared our tank with the
Soviet's, followed by a talk on anti-tank operations. He pointed out that the
first task in the anti-tank procedure was to blind the tank's "eyes", killing
the tank driver. The tank will be halted. Second in line of importance was
deafening its "ear", destroying the antenna. The tank will lose its leadership.
Then, proceed to break the tank's "legs" destroying its wheels and belts,
completely disabling any movement. The "heart" of the tank, the rear drive
mechanicals, should also be destroyed. Any partial destruction of the procedure
could collapse the tank. How can we do that? Anti- tank procedures could be
implemented in two ways: on the ground and on tanks. On the ground, anti-tank
mines can be planted ahead of time along the route; Rocket launchers may be used
to aim at the tank's critical part; explosives may be carried by soldiers to the
tank to blast its heart and legs, and hand grenades can be used to blast off the
ears and eyes. As for the tank tactic, a soldier can get onto the top of a tank,
deadening its ear and blinding its eyes, and force opening the lid to capture
enemies alive.
After the presentation, the anti-tank maneuver began. A tank roared forward.
Land mines planted ahead "exploded" and the tank paused for a minute or so
before moving again. A soldier waiting in ambush launched a "rocket" which "blew
up" the tank. But the tank continued. An anti-tank soldier carrying an explosive
package ran to the rear and laid the package on the tank. Another "boom" stopped
the tank. But the tank continued. Another soldier shot the tank with more
explosives, but the tank still continued until finally an anti-tank soldier
jumped onto the tank top, taking off the antenna and opening the
lid……
The anti-tank drill was followed by an anti-airborne defense drill, which was
followed by dead center shooting and steel target shooting drills. The whole
thing ended around 2:00 PM.
Chairman Mao taught us: "The whole party must attach importance to
war—study the art of war and be prepared for it."
After witnessing this anti-tank drill, I don't think tanks should be feared in
any way. The anti-tank skills are not difficult to learn and can be mastered by
anyone who fears no death. The spirit of bravery and fearing no death will
overcome the terrifying-looking machines. The drill is a lively military
educational lesson for all of us. It prepared us well for the upcoming warfare.
If the war breaks out, I am sure I will be able to blast the tank with courage,
bravery and the not fearing death spirit, equipped with the anti-tank knowledge
that I learned.
We need to possess both bravery and anti-tank skills. The spirit of bravery
motivates us to charge head-on against the tank. However, it is impossible to
destroy the tank without a set of knowledge and skills. As long as we harbor the
spirit, anti-tank technical skills are relatively easy to master. Equipped with
the spirit and the skills, we would be able to block enemy's tanks from making
even a single step on our land.
After the drill, we started our return trip around 5:00 PM. We hitchhiked a
truck on the way, and managed to get back to the fish farm in less than an
hour.
We had come to the fish farm on December 22 and we had to stay an extra two days
due to the postponement of the drills to the 25th. Those two days were really
boring with nothing to do. We watched the rehearsal of a propaganda performing
group, went to the medical clinic and visited the kitchen. Time was killed in
idleness. Today I made up my mind to return to Weiketu.
We walked in the direction to Weiketu with our luggage on our backs. This trip
was another good exercise for our legs. We walked over twenty kilometers on the
22nd and another twenty to Qianqi yesterday. Today we will do another twenty
kilometers on foot. Our feet harden with each long walk. Walking used to be a
headache. But now things are different. The more fear I have towards walking,
the more I will do. The more walking, the tougher my feet become. This is a
transition from fear to no-fear; from hesitation to confidence. Now, I can do
the twenty-
kilometer walk with one breath! In the past, I had to stop and rest a few times
on a fifteen-kilometer trip. The poor transportation condition here has provided
an opportunity for us to strengthen our legs.
December 28
I am determined to learn from Jin Xunhua 10 after having studied his diary.
The first thing to learn is the habit of frequent diary writing. I am doing it
from now on.
Another month passed by. I need to sum up the past to embrace 1970.
During the Party Rectification Campaign 11, I studied Chairman Mao's great
thoughts on the Continuation of the Revolution. Everyone presented his/her own
thoughts. I also talked about my reflections. Whether I can continue the
revolution or not is an issue that I would encounter often. My own family came
under attack during the Great Proletarian Cultural Revolution 12. My father was finished while I myself felt like "dropping ten
thousand feet in a flash." Under this circumstance, how can I continue the
revolution? I have been facing a dire situation. Among the many thoughts that I
developed, the core issue being I was struck with the feeling that I was born
with bad luck. I became very negative and pessimistic fearing that I could no
longer free myself from this destiny. But sometimes I couldn't help wondering
whether I would be doomed because of my father's downfall. I am not ready to
resign myself to this fate. I can see that not everyone from the same family
will ……just because of…….
10. Jin Xunhua (1949-1969). A student and active Red Guard from Shanghai, Jin was sent to the countryside in Heilongjiang as a rusticated youth. In 1969, the river near his village flooded and 2 utility poles were swept away. Jin jumped into the river to save the poles and drowned. Jin was propagated as a role model for his "selfless sacrifice" and to support the policy of sending urban youth to the countryside.
11. The Party Rectification Campaign refers to frequent organizational events when party members evaluate each other's efforts in cultivating political consciousness. Criticism and self-criticism were applied.
12. Commonly known as the Cultural Revolution, it was China's nation-wide political, social and cultural movement from 1966 to 1976.
Blank page.
Highest Teaching: We should serve the people whole-heartedly in the spirit of
modesty, prudence and guard against conceit and rashness.
January 6
I have a true and deep understanding of the above Chairman Mao's teaching
developed from what I observed around me in recent days. I now regard it as my
motto, using it to examine every word I speak and every action I take. Modesty
and prudence will enable a person to advance. Any trivial degree of arrogance
could lead to misconduct and misbehavior. Whenever I forget to follow the
principle of modesty, prudence and guard against conceit and rashness, I slip
into arrogance. When I am arrogant, often unconsciously, I hold myself as the
only correct one and thus become conceited. I overlook any of my weaknesses and
take others as devoid of any merit. I return to myself after the events, and
only then I would realize how wrong I had been.
The other day there was an organized event for wild duck hunting. I refused to
participate in various excuses. As a result, I violated the rule. Despite many
reasons behind my refusal to participate, deep in my mind there was a sense of
arrogance and disregard for the new platoon leader. I rejected him as
incompetent, incapable and foolish. Therefore, I disobeyed him. Although I
admitted my mistake orally, inside my mind, I was blaming the leadership for its
poor organization of the event.
The day before yesterday, the squad leader asked me to draft an article of
criticism. I fabricated various excuses for delaying and did not complete it.
Although it is not a good idea to dispatch people to do this or that, there
should be no excuse for not carrying out the criticism activity. I myself
ignored the importance of such criticism and did not think it fair to complete
the criticism draft by myself alone. So I simply did not write the article as
assigned. This behavior revealed my arrogance and disrespect for the
organization and leadership. I defied the assignment from the leadership and
left it at my own discretion.
Why have I been trapped in arrogance recently? On the one hand, I failed to set
strict demands on myself to follow Chairman Mao's teachings. On the other, the
surrounding circumstances played a role.
There is a newly transferred squad mate, who is arrogant and supercilious. She
always overestimates herself. Failing to realize this at the beginning, I
thought we had things in common. As a matter of fact, we were two of the same
kind, sharing a sense of arrogance. However, I gradually discovered I had less
and less in common with others in the squad as I stuck around her more and more.
When we were together, we made frivolous remarks about this one and that one. We
gave others the impression that we were the best.
Gradually, I felt that she truly overrated herself. Even when she resorted to
criticizing herself for something, she looked up instead of looking down,
showing off her superiority. She always indulged in self-appreciation and
self-praise. She sought every opportunity to show off her strength and to create
a positive image of herself whenever she could. Her arrogance is nothing more
than ignorance. Unfortunately, her indulgence in narcissism has hampered her
from making progress. She was not able to see other's strength and therefore
failed to learn from others. This trait of personality is self-harming and
self-destroying. Her demotion from the deputy squad leader was a case in point.
Yet it still did not alert her. She was destined to trip and fall.
This person always looked triumphant and immensely arrogant. Only a humble
person makes progress because they are aware of their own limits, thus always
remain modest and ready to learn from others. On the contrary, those who "insist
a bucket is full even when it is half empty" shall not expect to succeed in
anything. Those who refuse to learn from others will eventually decay.
Having realized the harm of arrogance, I knew it was time for her to wake up! At
the same time, I used her as my mirror to warn myself with the potential grave
consequences had I not overcome my own arrogance. I have now realized that
arrogance creates egoism. Arrogant people are proud of themselves while others
never take much heed of them. Modest people are not content with their own
accomplishments and eager to learn from others, and they always win others'
admiration. We have both personalities in our squad. Chairman Mao's teaching:
"Modesty helps one to go forward while conceit makes one lag behind" is an
absolute truth!
How shall we look at doing good deeds? A good deed is for the common good of the
masses. Therefore, we should do as much as possible to serve our people. My
attitude is to learn modestly from those who do good deeds for the people.
However, some people might think differently.
They claim those who do good deeds have impure motives. Not only they themselves
are not willing to do any, but they don't want to see others doing any. They
fear losing their own legitimacy if others are doing good deeds. That is why
some people attempt to attack those who are doing good deeds.
Admittedly, some people are doing good deeds out of some impure motives, but
they are the minority. Most people do good deeds as a result of following
Chairman Mao's teaching "serving the people whole-heartedly". If we are
indeed
modest, we would not always dig into others' motives. We need to trust those who
truly serve the people wholeheartedly and take them as our role-models.
January 8-12
To better prepare for war, a "daily exercise, one-hour military practice" was
added to our routine. Yesterday, we practiced tossing grenades. Due to lack of
practice, I did poorly and tossed less than twenty meters in distance. It is far
from what is required on the battlefield. Such distance will not kill the enemy
but harm myself. In order to better prepare ourselves for the war and destroy
more enemies, we will need to gear up in practice. Today we practiced
reconnaissance. Our company commander taught us the professional reconnaissance
jargon. We kept ourselves on high alert and practiced these jargons. Although we
now remember them by heart, we have not been able to use them in real life.
A series of emergency assemblies took place in recent days to enhance our combat
preparedness.
On New Year's Eve 13, we were having fun, playing cards and chess
with our oil lamps on. Not long after we went to bed past midnight, the siren
for emergency assembly woke us up. We prepared ourselves in darkness and ran
with squad mates to the rear of the kiln. This was an air raid drill.
Another such emergency assembly took place before the wakeup call. The siren
sounded all of a sudden. We got up in haste and lined up. We then ran to the
direction of Wuliangsuhai field. I did not place my personal belongings in good
order the night before and could not find my socks in a rush. I had no time to
put on my sweatshirt and ran out of my dorm bare foot.
13. New Year's Eve: Liu Ping is referring to the Chinese New Year or Spring Festival
December 1969 to February 1970
A SUMMARY
A lot happened in the last two months; I would like to furnish a short
summary.
I had a long talk with Liu Shulin on many issues. She suggested improvement in
three areas. The first was the issue of my family. She said that without making
a clean break with my father, not only on the surface but deeply in mind, my
progress would not sustain in the long run even when I make headways to move
forward now. The second referred to my lack of attention to the construction and
advancement of our company. I didn't seem to care enough about what was
happening around me. The third was the inappropriate way in my criticism of
others which resulted in hurting feelings.
I feel that these three criticisms were sharp and accurate, striking to my core.
They are also the frequently encountered issues in my daily life. Now, someone
pointed them out, an indication of necessary attention. I need to place them on
the table for open analysis and resolutions.
Liu Shulin said that my advancement would not sustain if I could not solve my
problem with my family background. Whenever the issue of my family background
was raised, I felt devastated and a sense of inferiority. Bad luck immediately
registered in my mind. Upon any opportunities for advancements such as joining
the Youth League and appointment for any leadership positions, examination of
family background was a must. When these occasions arose, my inferiority complex
turned into an attitude of indifference. I wouldn't care about anything which
required family background checkup. I told myself that these things were
destined and arranged by fate. There was not the slightest chance for me to
succeed no matter how much effort I make. With this thought in mind, I wouldn't
even care to think twice on the issues of joining the Youth League. Others might
say it is easy to apply, I am not willing to say the same. However, even when
there is no possibility for me to join the Youth League, I can still engage
myself in the revolution. Moreover, I need to do it well, not any less than
those who have successfully joined the league. Let those coming from good family
backgrounds join the league. They are qualified while I am not. The way was
paved for them, but not for me. Let them better carry out the revolution after
joining the league. I will do my part equally well in the revolution even though
I cannot join the organization. I will never cease my revolutionary efforts
because I am outside the league.
With these thoughts, I pushed the issue out of my mind and therefore have never
expressed my desire to apply. Whenever people brought up the issue of joining
the league and the party, I would shun from their conversations.
I have long been stuck with these thoughts.
However, a conversation with Wang Jie set me thinking and struck me hard.
Chairman Mao taught us: "It is good to have heart-to-heart conversations." This
talk with Wang Jie transformed my previous thought.
First, we must firmly believe in the Party's policy. Although class status is
not to be ignored, it should not be held as the only yardstick. More emphasis
should be given to performance. It is inevitable to have some people in the
society who do not fully understand the party policy. They continue with their
mistaken approaches and don't trust that the majority of transformable children
14 with a bad family background desire to be revolutionaries.
Therefore, it is not surprising to encounter some wrong doings. However, we
ourselves need to have full confidence in our party's policy and think
positively that those cadres would gradually change their points of view while
deepening understanding of the policy. Therefore, we should avoid any
disruptions, watch out not to have our vision blocked by some temporary
erroneous policy, and focus on advancing forward. Even Chairman Mao himself
believes that most of the transformable youth are good. We do not need to pay
any attention to those who don't. By demonstrating our strong desire to carry
out revolution and performing our very best during the process, we will change
their perspectives one day.
Since I am deeply committed to the revolution, I will need to follow the
teaching of Lenin: "If people from classes other than proletariats join our
force, the first and foremost principle is that they would need to
unconditionally grasp the proletariat worldview and discard any capitalist and
bourgeoisie prejudice."
As I am committed to the revolution, I must grasp unconditionally the
proletariat worldview, namely dedicating my life to communism.
Joining the Communist Youth League and Communist Party is to entrust all I have
to the Party, including my life. In other words, I will fight all my life for
the cause of communism, the sole motive for joining the party, contrasting any
other impure motives after promotions, fame and status.
The determination to dedicate my life to communism sparked my strong desire to
join the Youth League and the Party. The claim to engage in revolution without
joining the organizations is actually seen as a reluctance to entrust oneself to
the Party. To say the least, the desire to dedicate to the cause of communism is
not strong enough and not unconditional. The condition is to leave a way out for
myself, a way of leaving the revolution.
Joining the Communist Youth League and the Communist Party should not be
regarded as an honor, because one can be a revolutionary without possessing the
honor. In this regard, honor is not important at all.
The paramount goal for any Communist to join the party is
14. "Transformable children" refers to children of landlords, rich peasants, counter revolutionaries, bad elements, and rightists. Their parents were deemed class enemies during the Cultural Revolution and the children were labeled and tainted by the association. Chairman Mao considered the children redeemable.
to dedicate his life to the communist cause.
In the Communist Party Charter, a communist party member must:
- 1. Study well and apply Marxism, Leninism and Mao Zedong Thought by putting it in good use.
- 2. Work for the best interests of the Chinese people and the great majority of people of the world.
- 3. Unite as many as possible including those who wrongly opposed us in the past but have now rectified their errors. But we need to guard against those with personal ambitions, conspirators and double-dealers and prevent them from seizing the leadership of our party and the country. We need to ensure the leadership for the party and the government stays in the hands of Marxist revolutionaries.
- 4. Consult with masses when confronting controversies.
- 5. Be brave in conducting criticism and self-criticism.
My family's faulty background poses more challenge for me than others in
grasping proletarian worldviews and fulfilling the above five principles. In
other words, I would encounter more obstacles on the revolutionary path. Thus, I
need to pay a higher price and make much more efforts than others. But as long
as I have made up my mind to dedicate my life to communism, I would be able to
overcome the hardship, eradicate all of the obstacles and master the proletarian
worldviews along the way. When this happens, I myself will be transformed into a
member of the Communist Party, vanguard of the proletariat.
The Five Principles, the very and the sole standard for any communist party
member to follow, have set the criteria for us.
I think I will be able to become a fighter of the proletariat vanguard if I make
my due effort. Family background will by no means determine whether one can
become a proletariat. Family background may have laid some obstacles and
unfavorable conditions, causing more twists and turns along the way. However,
difficulty is not equal to impossibility. I must not give up making revolution
as it is difficult to do so. No revolutionary victory was obtained without
hardship. It was true in the past, is still true at present and will be true in
the future. It is not possible to achieve any revolutionary success without
efforts, sacrifices and hardships.
The first obstacle on my revolutionary path is my family background. If I cannot
overcome this difficult situation, I will not move forward. "Sailing against the
currents, either you keep forging ahead or you are falling behind". Rebels like
me who betrayed their counter revolutionary fathers
are like boats sailing against the currents.
We will sail hard, beat head-on waves and forge ahead. We will never back up.
Retreat will leave us abandoned by the powerful revolutionary torrents! We have
only one option, forge ahead against winds and waves.
If I successfully overcome this obstacle, I will be able to continue my march
forward on the revolutionary road. If I fail to pass this first test, how can I
possibly conquer the second and the third? This is the issue of revolutionary
continuity. When our fathers were revolutionaries, we also desired to make
revolution. But when our fathers have been denounced, could we continue with the
revolution? It is a serious and critical issue in front of me. It matters
because it is related to whether I could continue the revolution.
It is particularly difficult to overcome the obstacle of family background
because it is a fierce battle against personal interests and revisionism. It is
a soul-touching fight. One will not win the battle if it is not fought with
determination and willpower. It is a demarcation between revolution and
anti-revolution. No one will get by under false pretenses.
Only when one thoroughly abandons personal interest, he/she will be able to get
beyond this barrier. However, personal interest is so deeply rooted in the mind
that it is hard to eradicate it. It will emerge and make trouble whenever
possible. Therefore, the problems will persist unless we launch an all-rounded
battle against it. Empowering ourselves with determination, confidence and
perseverance, we will push on relentlessly until it is eliminated.
Chairman Mao taught us: "It takes a long time to completely transform a
worldview." We should never wish for a permanent solution, settling it once and
for all. Rather we must often and constantly fight against personal gain and
criticize revisionism. "It is much like that we wash our face and sweep the
floor
every day to keep ourselves clean". We should make up our mind to keep fighting
it throughout our whole life. Keep on fighting as long as we live.
The thought of "dropping ten thousand feet in a flash" and "bad luck" has its
roots in personal interest. It has been difficult to uproot it from my mind
because of its stubbornness in nature.
My family was hit hard by a series of shock waves during the Cultural
Revolution. Everything took a different turn for us ranging from big issues such
as joining the Communist Party and the Communist Youth League, job assignment,
public opinion to trivial things such as food and clothing.
There were privileges before with my father strongly backing us up. It was
relatively easy to join the Party, the Youth League and get a so-called good
job. Our ears were filled with compliments on our revolutionary family and our
eyes were sweetened
by social admiration for
our family background. A sense of superiority of being born red emerged. Taking
it for granted, we enjoyed being pampered and spoiled in an excellent material
life. We never took it as a shame but rather a glory.
The great torrents of the Cultural Revolution swept them away. There were no
more privileges, neither was there my father to lean against. Gone with them was
my superiority complex. What remained in its place was a sense of inferiority.
Material life deteriorated and family finances ended in crisis. Joining the
Party and the Youth Leagues also became many folds more difficult than before.
On a job assignment, we had no other choice but heading to places others
regarded as the most difficult to live. All of these, when viewed from the
perspectives of personal interest, were bad luck, nothing but pure bad luck. I
blamed my hateful father. I blamed myself for having such a father. The more I
blamed, the more I was resigning myself to fate emerged. Everything was doomed
together with my father.
Our social status "dropped ten thousand feet in a flash" from before the
Cultural Revolution. From the view of personal interest, it was bad luck.
However, from the perspective of the revolution as well as transformation of
ourselves, such drastic decline was great for us! We fell from the dangerous top
social position detached from the masses to the workers, peasants and soldiers'
class. Such a fall enabled us to receive their reeducation through the
rustication movement.
With my father's falling, I managed to abandon the superiority of being born red
in a revolutionary family. I no longer felt that I was a cut above others. On
the contrary, I saw an urgent need to transform myself and to shake off the
influence
of my counter-revolutionary father over a decade long. This transformation was
made possible after the drastic fall. Without such a decline, there would never
be a ninety-degree angle turn. Only after I realized the necessity of
self-transformation, could I consciously make the effort to materialize it. Such
realization is of great value to my own physical and mental development.
In the past, we depended on our parents for everything. "Children benefit from
their revolutionary parents". But now, with our fathers overthrown, we have
nothing to lean against. We would no longer rely on our parents and family but
on ourselves and the triumphant Mao Zedong Thought. I could leave my parents, my
family but not Mao Zedong Thought. I would be able to overcome all difficulties
and solve all problems with Chairman Mao's teaching.
I have toughened myself, and made my way out guided exclusively by Mao Zedong
Thought. Equipped with Mao Zedong Thought, I could be completely self-reliant,
self-managing and self- educating. Changes like this would not have been
possible three years ago when I was a good-for-nothing. Having gone through the
test of the Cultural Revolution, I have been re-molded and grown up in big winds
and waves.
With the fall of my father, so did our material life fall. This big drop in our
living conditions enabled me to understand the value of hard working and plain
living. The previous luxurious life left me feeling ashamed and I transformed
from pursuing luxury in the past to becoming easily satisfied with simple
living. I am better than ever prepared for hard living conditions. Having grown
accustomed to plain living in the past three years, I saw myself going through a
transition from yearning for luxury to leaving it out of my memory, and then to
further realizing that plain living is beneficial. Being infatuated with
excessive material life leads to political corruption, erosion of willpower and
ideology, reducing him into a person of comfort-seeking and of low taste. Young
people should be willing to bear more hardship. Only through hard physical work
and labor can one become a true dauntless and unyielding person.
Those from the soiled family ground were usually sent to production teams during
a job assignment. What is wrong with going to production teams? This is the
bright road that Chairman Mao illuminated for China's youth. Chairman Mao called
on the educated youth to integrate with the masses of workers and peasants, thus
building a formidable great wall. Some short-sighted people failed to understand
Chairman Mao's visionary teaching and to see the brightness of this great
summon. They were blind and utterly hopeless. We strongly believe in Chairman
Mao's teaching and the road for the young advocated by Mao would become brighter
and
wider. Why are we interrupted by the anti-youth movement gossip floating around
the society? These kinds of evil winds and noxious influences are rooted in
private interests stressing on material life and personal gains and losses. This
attitude of despising workers and peasants was an extension of Liu Shaoqi's 15 Theory on Backwardness of Masses. Eventually the evil wind will be
blown away by the strong east wind of Mao Zedong Thought. More than some others,
we are the ones who need to be tempered by trying in difficult conditions.
Therefore, most of us were sent to production teams in the countryside. It
reflects the expectation that Chairman Mao and the Party had for us. We, as the
"transformable sons and daughters", should stand up to all tests and live up to
the expectation from Chairman Mao and the Party.
From the standpoint of revolutionary interest, I fully approve and embrace our
"big fall"! When put in the perspective of proletariats,
15. Liu Shaoqi: Liu Shaoqi was the president of the People's Republic of China from 1958-1966. He was purged by Mao during the Cultural Revolution and criticized as China's biggest capitalist roader and traitor. He was imprisoned, tortured, and died all by himself in 1969 at the age of seventy. In 1980, his reputation was restored, and he was granted a national memorial service.
I no longer take it as bad luck.
Although it is much more difficult to join the Communist Youth League and the
Communist Party now than before, we do not engage ourselves in revolution for
the sake of joining, but for the goal of emancipation of mankind. If we are
loyal to the Party's revolutionary cause, engage ourselves in the revolution
whole-heartedly and set strict demands on ourselves in accordance with the
standard for party and league members, we are doing our jobs. When our
organizations judge that we have met the requirements, the door will be open to
us. Nevertheless, even if we were admitted as members, but not spiritually, we
would still not become true and worthy members of the party and the league.
Therefore, instead of thinking about joining the league and the party, we should
endeavor to climb to the peak of Communist thought.
With a fierce mental struggle, the rays of Chairman Mao Thought penetrated my
dark side and shone in mind. I transformed my attitude towards joining the
league and the party from passive to proactive. I transformed from the
previously "leaving everything to fate", to the new mindset: I can't choose my
family, but I can choose my own path to pursue.
Liu Shulin told me that my progress will not sustain without solving the family
issue. She is correct that I would not be able to take big strides forward on
the revolutionary road while bearing the family burden.
First of all, I would need to get rid of the thought "bad luck", I would then
resort to clear the family influence and make a clean break from it. This is
difficult to accomplish due to the uncertain elements involved with my father's
status.
This is a problem.
In the campaign of Four Goods 16 general evaluation, our squad
had a heated argument on the First and Third Good involving many issues
including the relationship between politics and economy, and politics and
culture. The good thing is answers were found through the debates from which
everyone had gained.
In the discussion, everyone gave a speech as personal evaluations. I talked
about the experiences gained and lessons learned since our arrival. It was well
received and endorsed by some squad mates, but I did not feel that I had
evaluated my thoughts thoroughly. The comrades liked my speech because it was a
timely performance evaluation compliant with Chairman Mao's teaching. After
repeating the evaluation process many times, I came to realize that this is not
an easy thing to do. We need to tap our mind all the time. Only with frequent
contemplation and brain racking, we can objectively and truthfully evaluate
ourselves. A fair self- evaluation could not be obtained without effort.
16. The campaign of the Four Goods Companies refers to a set of criteria for evaluating the Chinese People's Liberation Army prevalent between 1960-1971. The Four Goods are: good political ideology, good work style, good military training, and good life management. The campaign ceased to exist after 1971 with the downfall of Lin Biao.
The following is a list of feedback I received after my own evaluation
speech:
Qin Xiaohua brought up several issues:
- 1. Continue to attach more importance on my style of study;
- 2. Attach more importance to the collective construction of the company. Rather than focusing on personal growth and progress, we need to help others to advance together.
Style of study is an issue we often encounter, not once, twice, but repeatedly.
I should examine my study style to ensure its decency and honesty.
In practice, I came to know the advantages of "Study with questions in mind,
learn by doing, target at immediate issues to produce instant results and focus
on practical application". I contemplated a series of issues regarding farming
and border region protection, read some of Chairman Mao's quotations and found
good answers. Those seemingly hard-to-solve problems were readily solved with
answers from Chairman Mao's teachings. This is the best example of producing
instant results. With my thinking straightened out, my action followed suit. I
no longer complained in doing physical labor such as collecting firewood and
winter preparation because I have found the internal connections. This study
enabled me to understand that by learning in a decent style, I could apply Mao
Zedong Thought to problem solving in real life. Aware of the benefits, I will
continue with this way of learning.
My family background affected my application to join the Communist Youth League.
I became frustrated with this old issue unsolved in the past and is not being
solved at present. I thought of putting it aside, thus adopting a passive
attitude. But a problem remains a problem if it is not tackled. It should not be
avoided but dealt with through struggle.
Applying Mao Zedong Thought in problem solving is called learn by doing.
Avoiding problems instead of dealing with it with revolutionary theory is
divorcing theory from reality. Where shall we apply the theory learned from
books? Shall we just let them become empty dogmas? It is time to correct
this.
I started to place all the problems on the table.Thanks to the help from other
comrades, I have initiated a more proactive attitude about joining the Youth
League. The old problem was finally solved. I again tasted the sweetness of
learning by doing.
Chairman Mao taught us: "Social assets were created by workers, peasants and
intellectuals themselves. If these people grasp their destiny, follow the
guidance of Marxist and Leninist road, don't avoid any problems, but to solve
them proactively, any difficulties in mankind can be overcome."
This great teaching of Chairman Mao has proved to be universally true.
- •Collecting manure (the Fifth and Ninth companies)
- •Military training (packing up our backpacks; live firing practice)
- •Being prepared now for warfare against invasions (read newspapers & writing reports)
- •Leveling the land (follow Jin Xunhua's example)
- •Lighting stove (the smartest are the ones with practical experience)
TRANSPORTING MANURE
While I was at the Ninth Company just settling down at the fish farm after being
transferred from Weiketu, our campaign of collecting manure started. In order to
complete the task of manure collection before the Spring Festival, we worked day
and night. With a shortage of supplies in carts and spades, we maintained a
workflow of twenty four hours a day taking turns to rest.
Comrade Jin Xunhua wrote in his diary: "I have formed a habit: I become
depressed if I do not engage in physical labor. Idling makes me feel bad.
Fighting with earth brings me great happiness." How rare it is to have such
feelings! The educated from schools in the past were those who hated labor and
loved ease. They were not willing to do any physical labor. Some participated in
physical labor before, but could not experience happiness, neither felt
depressed without the experience. For them, Life would be most enjoyable in
comfort.
However, we followed Chairman Mao's teaching and entered society. In the Three
Great Revolutions, the educated youth from cities experienced a deep
transformation in their thoughts. Comrade Jin Xunhua is the most outstanding
example, and an excellent role model for us, the revolutionary educated youth,
to follow.
It has been six months since I joined the Production and Construction Corps.
Although I did not run as fast as Jin Xunhua on the bright road guided by
Chairman Mao, I have made some progress, especially in my attitude towards
labor. Nowadays, fighting against the earth makes me happy and idling sometimes
brings me uneasiness and discomfort. I yearn for labor, a joy and delight!
In Weiketu, there was a period of time when we spent most of the time studying
and discussing. The endless indoor study, discussion and meetings without any
outdoor activities and physical labor made me feel suffocated and uncomfortable.
I lived in the city before and hardly did any physical work. However, living
like that didn't bother me. In fact, the less I did, the more I detested work. I
became lazy. After I joined the Production and Construction Corps with myself
fully devoted to work, I developed a taste for physical labor. I changed from my
previous prejudice against labor to conscious participation, from the previous
detesting of labor to feeling uneasiness without it. This is a profound
transformation, which was only achievable in practice. One can never experience
the true meaning of happiness in fighting against heaven and earth without
experiencing it. Being closely attached to physical labor, we would be
guaranteed not be eroded by revisionism.
Soon after the move from Weiketu to the Fish Farm, we started transporting
manure. Everyone was bursting with energy accumulated from preceding long hours
of indoor study.
As soon as the campaign began, we went all out to participate!
As the work started, everyone demonstrated inspiration, encouragement and new
fighting spirit! We gave our best effort, pulling carts, digging and shoveling
the manure. Everyone was making his utmost effort. After working several days,
we became totally exhausted, but we kept pushing on in the spirit of fearing
neither hardship nor death. By then, we were no longer pulling carts with
physical energy, but willpower and Chairman Mao's thought—the ultimate
source of our energy. How could we expect to accomplish this glorious but
challenging task of producing more grain to prepare for the war, without the
spirit armed with Chairman Mao's thought? Every bit more preparation will get us
step closer to our final victory. Is it true that we depend on all our might to
accomplish the mission little by little? Communism is not to be awaited, but
rather worked out through every effort, a little bit at a time. How will
Communism be realized? Will not this final goal be achieved via every little
dash of run propagated by Guan Chengfu? How would we otherwise expedite our
paces on the road towards communism?
Whenever these thoughts came to my mind, I felt fully charged leaving all
exhaustion and hardship behind.
Under the guidance of Mao Zedong Thought, we persevered for a week and finally
finished transporting manure.
After I was transferred to the Fifth Company, I participated again in the
campaign of transporting manure assigned to the Company, and I was determined to
work hard with this energy!
The job was quite tiring. Each trip took more than half an hour. We worked on
repeated trips over seven hours daily. The total distance exceeded ten
kilometers. The fastest and most efficient workload was seven roundtrips a day.
The slower ones could do five or six trips. The difference of one or two trips
requires extra effort and fuller vigor under the spirit of making revolution
with all might. One more trip meant more contribution and more hope for the
final victory. This trivial contribution might be too insignificant to mention,
but it is worth the effort. We acted accordingly. In the following few days, our
team remained at the top speed.
We were always leading in the cart line. On the road, we passed others' carts
one after another, and the faster we pulled, the more energetic we became. We
did not look at our work simply as pulling carts. Rather, we took it to
demonstrate that we have mustered our entire energy to strive for the best and
didn't slack off in work; that we committed ourselves whole-heartedly and not
half-heartedly.
MILITARY TRAINING
While at the Ninth Company, our daily routine included military training in many
categories such as crawling forward, tossing grenades, packing infantry
knapsacks and conducting reconnaissance. Emergency assemblies were frequent at
night. During these emergency assemblies, we were required to pack up knapsacks
in total darkness as if in war times. We kept our knapsack kit under our
pillows, so we could pick them up anytime on the go.
Upon my arrival at the Fish Farm, I noticed a strange phenomenon. If the
emergency assembly was planned, some people would get their knapsacks packed
beforehand and sleep with their clothes on. Once the call sounded, they would
rush to the assembly ground in no time. However, not everyone followed suit.
Others went to bed as usual. Once the call sounded, they put on their clothes
and packed their knapsacks orderly, even when they might be the last ones to get
to the ground.
They were more candid and more down to earth than those who prepared beforehand
and ran to the grounds first. Those who might be the first on the assembly
ground did not seek truth from facts and their little tricks could only be used
for drills but not actual warfare. American imperialists would launch surprise
attacks without prior notifications. Would you do your preparations and then
wait for them? Impossible! Those who did preparations beforehand unpacked their
backpack and then went to sleep after the drill. The only way we could best
prepare ourselves for a surprise attack is to be swift and decisive and to
master superb knapsack packing skills. Emergency assembly drills were intended
to train us for these skills. Any opportunistic preparations make these drills
meaningless.
As the significance of emergency assembly drill was clarified, we remained calm
and orderly whenever the drill was conducted. We understood that we should do
whatever we are supposed to do in such a drill while prepared mentally for any
emergencies.
We also learned to toss grenades. Progress was obvious after some painstaking
practice and efforts. My throwing distance extended to twenty meters from a
dozen at the beginning.
We then had a chance to toss real grenades, the first time in my life. I was
very curious before the practice, and I didn't feel I had enough when it was
over. Besides, I tossed only a short distance. I would need to have more
practice in order to meet war requirements.
LEVELING GROUND
Recently, our main task was to level the ground. The Company Commander's talk
specified its importance. If the ground is not level, tractors are not able to
sow seeds properly. So we need to have it done before sowing seeds. Best effort
must be given as it is part of our revolutionary cause.
While leveling the ground, I thought of Comrade Jin Xunhua's saying: "It is
quite exhausting to hoe the ground for hours without stopping. However, if you
know how to slack off, it might not be that tiring at all. It all depends on
your attitude towards physical labor."
Leveling the ground is the same. It is very tiring if you try to do a good job.
But you may just get by if you rest sometimes and pretend doing the work. I made
up my mind to follow Jin Xunhua's words. I worked in the field for several hours
without a pause. When I looked at the leveled field where I had worked, I was
happy to see my work had come to fruition. This is the standard that I set for
myself: I would always try my best! I felt content and joyous after the work
even though I was physically fatigued. On the contrary, those who loafed on the
job would feel apologetic and sorry deep in their hearts. This mental stress
could overpower physical exhaustion.
LIGHTING THE STOVE
At the Fifth Company, the boiler room was not attended. The cafeteria did not
prepare any boiled water for us. Our drinking water was freezing well water. The
water we used to wash our face and feet was also freezing cold. Since the
weather in early February was frigid, we felt that we would need to work out a
way to provide ourselves hot water. Some comrades from other squads came to help
us to build a brick stove. Several of us planned to light the stove. However, no
one ever did that before. For the first time, it took us quite some time to
raise the fire, but it did not last long before it went out. For the second
time, I took the responsibility, but the fire went out again. Finally, I managed
to light it, only to see it dying again before heating a single bucket of water.
At that time, I realized that the seemingly
easy job of lighting a stove was not what I had imagined, and as a
result we continued with freezing water.
A few days later, Wang Lingcai and Liu Shuling raised the fire without any
problem. Everyone was happy with the supply of hot water. At that time, I
started to blame myself for being so dumb. I had to admit my lack of experience
in comparison with theirs. Sometimes, instead of sharing their experiences, they
would wait till they could have a good laugh at us and make us feel that we are
dependent on them. We must break the "monopolizing" circumstances. We could not
allow some to make things difficult for us. Although we admit we were not as
experienced, but gradually we would master these life skills, so that we would
not be laughed at in the future.
My reflection on newspapers reading
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February 18, Wednesday
It has been several days since I was transferred from the Ninth Company to the
Fifth. I felt extremely attached to the teaching of Vice Chairman Lin Biao.
Vice Chairman Lin Biao taught us: when we face squarely the front, the back and
the future of everything and engage ourselves with full confidence and in
solidarity, we will be able to overcome various difficulties which we would
never have thought we could.
Out of the revolutionary needs, fifty-one members of the Ninth Company were
transferred to the Fifth. I was one of them. From now on, I am officially a
soldier of the Fifth Company.
I had given quite a bit of thoughts to the issue of this transfer which could be
summed up in simply one thought: Will I be able to continue my revolution in the
new organization? My active contemplation hindered my enthusiasm to continuous
revolution. I sank to low morale, felt short of energy and became full of
complaints. The transfer and the following uncertainty also left me in a state
of depression in contrast to the vigor and vitality I had before. I knew it
would be impossible to do well in this mood. But how shall I change it? How to
approach and solve the problems? Chairman Mao's Thoughts are the beacon light
and very source of our energy. I will resort to the triumphant Chairman Mao
Thought to help me handle this transfer.
"Too much complaint is heartbreaking; we need to broaden our mind and look
ahead. Don't say that Kunming Lake is too shallow; it provides a better view of
fishes than Fuchun River." This poem composed by Chairman Mao with a broad mind
and vision inspired and encouraged his soldiers! I would need to broaden my
mind, stand high and see far.
I left the Ninth Company with a skeptical attitude about the new Fifth Company.
Upon my transfer, I formed some new opinions of my own from what I heard and
observed. The people were different in these two organizations. My initial
contacts with the Fifth Company Commander left me the impression that she was
absorbed with daily trivia and was incompetent and negligent in political
education. It was poorly disciplined and managed. Besides, I also heard that the
company was notorious for its lack in moral integrity. Evaluating the team
against the Four Goods, this organization was truly behind! Instead of
emphasizing political thoughts as the priority, they stressed higher
productivity and fulfillment of duties. In initiating a production campaign, the
commander said "we will eat whatever we produce. If we fail to produce well,
there will be no good food for us next year." Is he expecting to motivate his
people like this? Did agricultural production merely serve the purpose of
planting more and better food for next year? If we had come here for this, we
would have been better off returning to cities. In case we fail to produce a
good crop, are there no other consequences than depriving ourselves of good food
next year?
Words like these would generate opposite effects, that we are producing only to
satisfy our own stomachs and it would not matter significantly.
Chairman Mao taught us: "The hardworking spirit will not be generated without
adhering to persistent political direction, which in return, will not be
implemented without the hardworking."
The Company Commander's motivation speech without emphasizing the proletariat
politics could not designate a persistent political direction and thus would not
stimulate people to throw themselves into hard work.
Since my arrival at the Fifth Company, I found out that life here was not as
good as the Ninth Company in terms of room, board and food. In addition to the
harsher conditions here to start with, it was more a reflection of poor
management. Several instances showcased what I meant. The commander told us that
cooking pots and oil lamps were all distributed and delivered to each squad, yet
due to lack of care,
cooking pots were used as urine pots and oil lamps were broken, resulting in
acute shortage of daily necessities. The cafeteria was another example. We
received the exact same supplies as other companies, flour, vegetables, etc.
However, food served here was not of good taste. We learned from the public
denunciation meeting against Cao the other day, the food problem was not because
of supply, but rather poor political consciousness of the cafeteria workers who
failed to serve wholeheartedly by not taking their responsibility seriously.
Their poor service could negatively impact comrades' morale and energy level.
From the perspective that sparse material supplies could strengthen one's
willpower, we shouldn't complain. But our health might be affected in the long
run. People said we would not complain if our living conditions were
impoverished to start with. However, we would find it difficult to tolerate in
instances when despondent condition was created artificially because of poor
management.
"The criteria for Four Goods are interconnected and inseparable. Any one good
cannot stand on its own. All four have to be in place."
"Great attention must be given to enhance living conditions of the masses,
particularly during the time when we are vigilant in preparing against war.
Everything needs to be done to ensure that our forces' stay well-armed and
strong."
"Good political thought is the key and the command in the Four Goods criteria.
It is the first and foremost while the other three are to be complying. Without
the first criterion, the other three are not worth talking about."
This is the description of Fifth Company presented above. With the absence of
political ideology as the lead, everything else fell behind. Production was low,
and so was the morale.
The reality of the Fifth Company best proved Vice Chairman Lin Biao's remarks:
"The Four Good criteria would not work if the fundamentals were not in good
place."
The Four Good criteria are interconnected. One good is not enough, neither two
nor three. Politics should be the command and the others are to be
commanded.
If political education is not taken seriously as the command, other aspects of
our life and work would fall apart!
Life management is an important integral aspect of the four goods, which would
directly impact our revolutionary life and production. What transpired at the
Fifth Company best exemplified it.
Those who were well-fed would have more energy than those who were not. People
would understand and tighten their belts if food supply was in shortage. But it
was not the case here. Instead, the flour in the cafeteria was stolen and poor
management was to blame.
What I discussed above were the "negative" aspects of the Fifth Company. There
is no denying it and we should face them squarely.
But how shall we tackle these issues? When I first saw the Fifth Company in a
mess, I thought about leaving it with the hope I would not be here for long. But
immediate transfer was impossible since I just came on board. I felt that I was
unfortunate I had no alternative but to stay.
Only two days after I got here, I was assigned to cut reeds. The next day we
started to transport manure. Looking at the large manure piles (dunghills) here
as many and as big as in the Ninth Company, and knowing that it would take a
long time to finish transporting them, I couldn't help complaining: "I had just
completed the same task in the Ninth Company with lots of efforts. I have to
repeat the same chores here and will exhaust myself again in the days to come."
I was not willing to work hard this time. Did my complaints generate from my
fear of hardship? If I were in the Ninth Company, I would not have had so many
complaints even when the work was harder! So, fearing hardship is not what
caused my lack of enthusiasm and energy.
On Daily Read, we studied "In memory of Dr. Norman Bethune" 17. This study was like a timely rainfall in drought that touched my
heart.
Chairman Mao said: "What kind of spirit is this that makes a foreigner
selflessly adopt the cause of the Chinese people's liberation as his
17. Dr. Norman Bethune (1890-1939). A Canadian physician, Bethune came to international prominence first for his service as a frontline surgeon supporting the Republican faction during the Spanish Civil War. He later worked to support the Communist Party of China's Eighth Route Army during the Sino-Japanese War. Bethune helped bring modern medicine to rural China and often treated sick villagers as well as wounded soldiers. His service to the CPC earned him the favor of Mao Zedong, who wrote a eulogy for him when he died of infection during a surgery in 1939.
own? It is the spirit of internationalism, the spirit of communism, from which
every Chinese Communist
must learn. This spirit is "what we adopt to oppose both narrow nationalism and
narrow patriotism". The world revolution will only succeed "if the proletariat
of the capitalist countries supports the struggle for liberation of the colonial
and semi- colonial peoples and if the proletariat of the colonies and
semi-colonies support that of the proletariat of the capitalist countries.
Chairman Mao's teaching helped me realize what was behind my complaint: absence
of communist spirit in my mind.
My transfer to the Fifth Company was based on the need of the revolution and war
preparedness. All of what we did here at the Fifth Company was an integral part
of the revolution. I only took what we did at the Ninth as our revolution and my
responsibility. I felt that I was very detached from the Fifth. I did not have
Dr. Bethune's Communist Spirit "to selflessly adopt the cause of the Chinese
people's liberation as his own". As a matter of fact, this is narrow
parochialism. I failed to understand all we do here and do well is for the
victory of world revolution rather than for our small units. With Dr. Bethune's
communist spirit, I would not have cared where I was and what I did. I would
have connected what I did with the whole revolutionary cause. I would not have
restricted myself to the narrow interest of this or that unit. I would need to
open my mind and broaden my horizon with my motherland and whole world in
vision.
Chairman Mao also taught us: "What is our work? Our work is to struggle.
Wherever there are problems and concerns that need us to solve, we go there to
work and to struggle. Where there are more difficulties and hardship, the more
we urge ourselves to go. Only then one is considered a good comrade." I studied
this quotation countless times before, but hadn't been more inspired and
encouraged than I am today.
My transfer from the Ninth Company to the Fifth exactly followed Chairman Mao's
teaching "to go to those places where there are more problems and
difficulties."
I often claim: "Where there are more difficulties and hardship, where we are
urged to go. One who does it is a good comrade." But, I seemed to have left
Chairman Mao's teaching behind at a critical time when we were in real need. Do
I qualify to be a good comrade as I seem to prefer going to a better place? I
laid aside the revolutionary theory and did not strive to implement it in
practice. I merely played lip service.
March 2, Monday
Vice Chairman Lin Biao taught us: "to prioritize politics is to promptly grasp
our fresh thoughts as they occur and to analyze it theoretically. Our theory is
Mao Zedong Thought, which guides us in seeking solutions to all problems."
A Study in "On Practice", "On the Correct Handling of Contradictions Among the
People".
March 17
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April 10
A Summary
The last week saw some transfers in the company. Two from our squad left and
three new members came. Our squad leader left and the current one was the
formerly deputy leader of the 25th Squad.
It has been a week since the personnel changes. Great changes have taken place,
changes in the squad and the platoon. We took a big leap forward in the campaign
to achieve Four Goods.
Vice Chairman Lin taught us: "To improve living conditions depends on available
resources on the one hand, and our own efforts on the other. Each company should
give its best on everything that comes its way. Otherwise, even favorable
conditions could end with negative results."
April 29, Wednesday
I was inspired by the heroic deeds of Zhang Kongquan 18, which enabled
me to find the huge ideological gap between the hero and myself. In comparison
with the hero's lofty ideals, I found myself small and insignificant. I am
committed to advancement with the hero as my role model and his spirit as my
guidance.
During the busy Spring ploughing season, we had very intense physical labor. All
the chores such as transporting manure, digging ditches, pulling ploughs were
tiring and demanding. After a full day's work, we had to plant trees and clean
up during our leisure time. Besides, roll calls occurred frequently at night.
Our own time was squeezed almost to none. We often felt strained. Now Sunday-off
was cancelled and we had to work on Sundays as well. Sometimes we were given
half a day for personal cleaning up.
Due to the intensity of work and study, our rest time became inadequate. I felt
very sleepy during the day. I simply needed more time to rest. People started to
complain. We were low in morale and our energy level dwindled.
Just at this time, the heroic deeds of Zhang Kongquan were published. I used
this report to reflect on my thinking, action and everyday life.
"On Zhang's daily schedule, the word "rest" didn't appear. Every day he worked
for others selflessly and he worked with all his might for the revolution."
One day before his death, Zhang Kongquan worked eighteen hour which was not
merely a common day of his life, but the epitome of his life! He died at his
work and worked till his last breath for the revolution. He fought as long as he
was alive. He gave all his own including his life to the people's revolutionary
cause. In his lofty communist spirit, there was no trace of what Liu Shaoqi
called "love yourself" "protect your own life and health". Zhang said: "The
bottom line in making revolution is the word "waging" it. We would work hard, do
solid work and wage the revolution at the expense of our lives when necessary."
He did what he said.
How was it that Zhang neglected his own health and life and risked them under
the circumstance of terminal illness? His power came from Mao Zedong Thought.
His teaching "to serve our people wholeheartedly" empowered Zhang with boundless
strength, which could conquer diseases, fatigue and anything else.
18. Zhang Kongquan was a Chinese Air Force commander known for his utmost dedication to fulfillment of his responsibilities at work. He delayed medical treatment for his severe heart disease and passed away on December 20, 1969.
The gap between the hero and me was enormous! Without firmly grasping the
principle of serving the people wholeheartedly, I did not fight like Zhang and
didn't give every bit of strength I had. Fatigue and sleepiness drove me to
complain. Completion of certain work contented me, but I was not willing to go
all out. All can be traced to a lack of the spirit to serve wholeheartedly. In
contrast to
the hero, I was young and healthy, but only with this spirit, could I adhere to
fear neither hardship nor death, overcome all challenges and retain the eternal
exuberant vitality.
"The grand and splendid communist mansion is erected with numerous bricks and
sands, while the glorious life of a revolutionary soldier is composed with
countless days and nights of hard work and fighting."
Every one of us should learn from Comrade Zhang Kongquan, who spent every day of
his life and his entire life to endless struggle. We should start from now and
from every trivial thing that we do. We should take him as our example, going
all out and spending every day of our life to fight for the revolution.
April 30, Thursday
Great heartening news came a couple of days ago: China's first satellite was
launched successfully! It is another incontrovertible proof: Those who were
armed with Mao Zedong Thought can create miracles!
This great success was achieved by scientists and engineers who worked day and
night guided by Chairman Mao's teaching "grasp revolution and promote
production, enhance work and prepare against the war". It was also a great
accomplishment of their breadth of vision and substantial work. We are the
soldiers of corps and our main mission is to open more wasteland and produce
more grains to prepare for the war. Our jobs are different from those of
scientists, but our goal is the same—to realize communism. Thus, we also
need to grasp revolution, promote production, work hard and prepare against the
war.
The physical labor in the last half a year tanned my complexion and roughened my
skin. I might look rustic from head to toe, but my mind was cleansed. My brain
has become purer although my face looked darker. I now look like a laborer and
began to dislike those city folks with fair complexions. They never experienced
any harsh winds and waves. We look rustic but I take great pride in it.
Those who hung on and refused to leave Beijing still lived a parasitic life.
Good- for-nothing as they were, they never experienced the extreme pleasure of
fighting with Heaven and Earth but enjoyed their material life in their pitiful
cozy nest.
While we embarked on the road of integrating with workers and peasants and
taking a step forward, they took a step backward. Chairman Mao said: "The
so-called objective world which is to be transformed includes those who oppose
any transformation. Their transformation could only be achieved by force before
they would voluntarily engage themselves. The world will enter communism when
all human beings would consciously work to transform themselves while
transforming the world."
Everybody needs to reform. The only difference lies in self-consciousness and
vice versa. There are always some reluctant to be transformed. Eventually they
will still be transformed, perhaps by being forced to do so. Therefore, we are
ahead of them by taking initiative reeducating ourselves. We are proud of
ourselves and feel glorious in doing so!
However, a small minority do not feel glorious in stepping forward on the
revolutionary roads. They feel depressed, worrying about looking like a country
bumpkin compared with city folks. They look rustic and tanned, but their
thoughts haven't turned red ideologically.
We are so proud of ourselves while experiencing the big winds and waves. This
year our May 1st celebration of labor's day will not be the same as before. We
will welcome this festival as members of the working class with clear
conscience.
May 10
Chairman Mao pointed out in his well-known On Practice
19: "Our social
practice is not limited to production activity as the only one format. There are
various other formats, such as class struggle and political life. In a word,
people participate in all aspects of social activities. Therefore, a person's
knowledge is acquired from political and cultural lives in addition to material
life, from which he develops his understanding of person-to-person
relationships. Among them, class struggle of various kinds most profoundly
influenced the development of human understanding."
Recalling the last three years, I found that turbulent class struggle in the
Proletarian Cultural Revolution most profoundly impacted development of our
understanding. Through numerous ordeals of class struggles. I was transformed
from an ignorant
and incompetent 'good-for-nothing' to a self-managing, self-reliant and
independent thinking individual.
19. On Practice: One of Mao Zedong's most important philosophical works. Along with On Contradiction, this essay is a part of lectures Mao gave in 1937. It expresses Mao's support for Marxism and attempts to establish a distinctly Chinese brand of communist philosophy. It exposes the subjectivist errors of dogmatism and empiricism in the CPC.
I could analyze and judge whatever I encountered with my own brain. Just as
Lenin said: "During the revolutionary time, what millions of people learned in a
week outweighs what they learned in a year of their muddling lives."
May 21
Today we lined up and came to the rice paddies after breakfast. We were assigned
to weed the paddies. Guided by our instructors, we took off our socks and shoes,
rolled up our sleeves and pants, walked into the marsh paddy field and started
pulling weeds. The marsh was quite deep and pulling out our legs was strenuous
each time. Weeds, especially reeds, were also difficult to pull. We pushed on
slowly and mud splashed all over our bodies and even got into our mouths. After
working for a whole morning, we only weeded a small area.
In the afternoon, we were led to weed in the paddies immersed in water. Weeding
here was much easier in comparison with the morning task. Water felt very cold
at first, but coldness gave away when sun shone over our heads. With hot sun on
our heads and cold water under our knees, it felt very comfortable indeed. We
joked that a swimming pool had been set up in the rice paddies. The more we
weeded, the deeper the water level, until it reached our knees. Due to my
clumsiness, water splashed all over my body, wetting my shirt and pants. But I
couldn't care less. We worked hard for the entire day, returning to campus with
two muddy legs, and muddy clothes all over.
May 22
We continued to pull up weeds today in the muddy paddies. This time here was
hardly any water in the paddies. Weeds were deeply rooted in the ground and were
very hard to pull up. After only a short time, our hands started to ache. The
morning passed by; the afternoon passed by. We were totally exhausted by the
time we were approaching the finish time. But a big portion of the paddies
remained to be weeded. By then, it took us extra effort to pull up every weed.
Our hands were seized with sharp and unbearable pain. I looked at the paddies
and became frustrated: When can we finish this weeding? We had no tools and
could only depend on our own hands. When will the paddies be seeded at this
pace? It seemed to me that working hard like this could no longer meet the
production needs. We should tap our brain to resort to more skillful options to
complete this
difficult task. I felt adhering to the spirit of hard working shouldn't prevent
us from learning to work resourcefully. We would miss good production timing
without coming up with new skills which in
turn will negatively impact the masses' motivation, and the hard-working
spirit.
Hard working is the first and foremost. The spirit of fearing no hardship nor
death provides us the best opportunity to temper our willpower. We will push
head on in face of great challenges. We will never yield to hardship, beg for
God's mercy or surrender to Nature. We will not continue to be slaves of Nature.
We will move God with our spirit of hard work and overcome Nature with our
skills.
As we were launching our struggle with Nature, we would overcome all
difficulties with an indomitable will.
Returning home, I found my two legs in sharp pain with many small cuts from the
weeds. I also suffered sunburn and my skin began to peel. The two days' hard
work in the rice paddies deeply darkened my complexion, but it was a good
training!
May 23
I spent the whole day today hoeing wheat in the fields. Today is the first day
of our great campaign! We should follow Chairman Mao's teaching to carry forward
the fine tradition of continuous fighting. We would give every ounce of our
strength and not give up until we finally complete the task.
The arduous tasks are laid before us, one after another. We would be defeated
without the spirit of continuous fighting! The agricultural chores in the fields
during the busy spring ploughing season were endless: digging ditches, pulling
ploughs, weeding, hoeing wheat, etc.
(1) Tianjin clapper talk show; (2) chatting (with Zhang and Liu); (3) the issue
of joining the Communist Youth League
May 31
Arduous tasks followed one after another. We spent two days barely finishing
hoeing the wheat in a hundred-acre field before confronting another difficult
task:
The No. 3 water pump broke due to poor management. The Fourth Company's one
hundred acres of seeded field was inundated and submerged. How could we just
look on? Under the direction of regimen's leaders, we engaged in the campaign
before the night was out. Around 9:00 and 10:00 PM, May 29, it drizzled and was
pitch-dark. We rushed to the flooded fields in the rain and immediately threw
ourselves into work. We lined up and used basins to ladle out water from the
fields, quickly passing them from one to another and dumping the water into the
ditch. We worked intensely and soon everyone became soaked in rain and
water.
We worked in high spirit for over three hours non-stop. The rainy night was
filled with steaming-hot enthusiasm mixed with our singing, sounds of rain and
strikes of basin. Three hours later, we were allowed to return to campus. Only
when we got out the flooded fields did we feel the bone-chilling coldness. The
wet clothes clung to our bodies. The wind blew and we shivered. Our feet and
hands gradually turned numb. The weather in Inner Mongolia was so changeable and
unpredictable that rainy days could stay very cold even in May. We ran and
staggered along the muddy road to the direction of our campus.
The next day around 5:00 PM while digging ditches, we were told to assemble and
return to our campus. In the auditorium, the regimen leader made a speech. He
sharply criticized our failure to fight continuously last night. Although we
worked for three hours in rain, we left behind the task unfinished, without
completely draining the flooded fields. He said this is a typical act of
irresponsibility, similarly to a doctor who would not help saving the life of a
dying person. He said this was equivalent to a criminal act. The regiment head
quickly instructed us to throw ourselves into the fight, right away and
unwaveringly, with the determination of not returning home until the hundred
acres field is completely drained. He also told us the soldiers of the Ninth
Company would come to our aid. So, all in all, we had three companies fighting
together. After the mobilization, we rushed to the fields and were joined with
the Ninth Company soldiers on the way.
The flood extended on land over a hundred acres. The deepest part was over our
knees. A water pump was in operation. We dug out a ditch to connect with a dried
canal with the hope that we would be able to redirect water from the field, only
to find out water led to the canal gushed back. We had no other choice but
resorting to using basins to ladle out water.
By the time we received our basins, it was already dark. Due to the delay of
other comrades, we waited in vain for over three hours in rain. Our wet clothes,
shoes and socks clung to our bodies and our feet were numb from the freezing
cold. We jostled and warmed each other with our body warmth. An hour passed by,
and then another. The basins were still not here. At that time, people from the
Sixth Platoon started their work. We felt so bad sitting on the bank doing
nothing. I felt so cold and low in spirit that I didn't answer the repeated
calling from our squad leader when he decided to send another round back to the
dorms to fetch basins.
Finally, the basins arrived, and we started to work. Trekking through more muddy
fields, we entered the flooded field with water higher than our knees. How hard
it was to walk in water that deep and slippery! After reaching our destiny, we
began to ladle out water from this side to the ditch on the other side. We
passed along the basins while singing songs. Everyone was exhausted having
worked days and nights in the last two days. Singing revolutionary songs helped
drive away our sleepiness and fatigue. We worked over an hour in knee-high
flood.
As we came out of the flood, the cold wind numbed our legs. We endured the pain
and rushed back home.
I felt that I had reached my limit after these two day's hard work. My two legs
were sore and achy. If we continue working like this, surely, I will develop
arthritis.
Did this thinking accord with Chairman Mao's teaching "fearing neither hardship
nor death"? Did it accord with daring to make sacrifice including life when it
is necessary? Did this accord with fighting until the last breath? Liu's
poisonous idea of self-love is still casting its shadow over my mind.
Since all I have is bestowed by the people, I belong to the people. Therefore,
in the time of need, I should give myself to the people without any reservation.
I should have no complaint even if my two legs were broken, let alone worrying
about developing arthritis. This is what it meant by utter loyalty and devotion
to people and the mindset of a selfless revolutionary soldier. Those who cherish
themselves and hesitate to step forward bravely in times of need are filled with
personal interests in their brain. They feel they are something when making any
efforts and complain when going a little bit beyond. They are the cowards and
weaklings. They will become potential traitors when circumstances arise that
require them to sacrifice their lives for the interest of the people. I feel
ashamed of them. I could pitifully become one of them if I didn't bitterly
criticize the mentality "to cherish myself". I will never become one of them
and instead will march forward towards the
high communist ideological state.
From now on, I am determined not to complain no matter how hard and tiring the
work is. In the time of hardship, I will keep Chairman Mao's teaching in mind:
"There are often times when conditions become advantageous and positive with a
little bit more perseverance."
June 5
For the last two days, our squad has been selecting rice seeds. We used carts to
transport bags of rice to the well where we soaked rice in the pond nearby. We
will plant them after they sprout. We returned to our dorms after we soaked
rice. The warehouse keeper found out that three bags of wheat were mistakenly
transported and soaked. He had them brought back. I did not go but stayed at the
warehouse.
It had been quite a long wait before Lu Wei came to tell me that the wheat seeds
fell into the deeper section of the pond and they failed to pull it out.
Somebody would need to swim there to retrieve the bags. She asked me to
accompany her to the swim because we were the only two swimmers in the squad. We
changed clothes and ran to the pond.
Everyone had been waiting beside the pond. We took off our shirts and jumped in.
This was my first time to be immersed in water since my arrival in Inner
Mongolia. The water was deep, and our feet could hardly touch the bottom. I
treaded water and tried to feel the bags with my feet but in vain. I dived to
the bottom and tried to find the bags with raw eyes. Water was muddy and misty,
I could only see some water reeds, but not the bags of wheat. I got back up to
the surface to breathe and then treaded water again. Suddenly my feet touched
the bags. I stepped on it and dived to the bottom again. I was finally able to
pull the bags towards the banks. My comrades helped to pull the soaked wheat
bags out of water.
What a wonderful opportunity to get into the water! Lu Wei and I kept on
swimming in the pond. Either because we had been out of swimming practice for so
long, or under stress right after pulling out bags, I was short of breath under
water and felt suffocated very soon. I had to get out of the water. Looking like
drenched chickens, we two rushed back to have a change of clothes.
I learned from this experience that swimming is very useful. I should practice
more and excel at it. My skill was far from being good enough. I need to
practice swimming to meet practical needs whenever possible.
This afternoon, four of us went to the Ninth Company in a horse-drawn cart to
get more rice seeds. As soon as we got there, we started to load bags of rice
from the warehouse to the carts. In just a while, we finished loading the three
hundreds catties of rice onto the cart. We took the same route back. Before we
got out of the campus of Ninth Company, the cartwheels stuck in the mud. Four of
us tried all ways attempting to pull the wheels out, but no success. We had to
unload some bags from the cart before finally pulling the wheels out. We hurried
on our trip. Two male comrades from our squad drove the horse-drawn cart. They
were of the same age as I am yet have been shouldering the arduous and dangerous
responsibility of carts-driving for every day's transportations. The cart team
assigned two drivers for each cart and they took turns fulfilling day and night
shifts. Whenever on bridges or in muddy swamps, they had to get off to push the
cart, getting their shoes and pants all wet. When road conditions are not ideal,
cart drivers sometimes had to rely on feet walking for miles to ensure safety
for everyone. After riding on carts several times, I realized how hard and
demanding their work was. It might well be one of the hardest in our
company.
It was over seven o'clock when we got back to our campus. We had our dinner in
haste and then started work again. Four of us were responsible for selecting the
rice seeds and another four washed the selected seeds. We worked for another
hour or so and completed ten bags of rice.
Today is a day of hard work, but full of joy! If we spend every day like today,
full and accomplished without wasting a single minute, we could then devote all
our time to work and study, calling it a day of revolutionary significance.
June 8
We need to break our regular and unchangeable daily routine! We need to get
outside the box of an eight-hour working day! Whenever revolution requires us to
work at night, we will work at night. No matter how long the hours are, we will
go all out! A revolution is not a dinner party and it cannot be achieved with
comfort and leisure. We must make revolution at risk of our lives. We will
overcome sleepiness, fatigue and all hardships with the revolutionary spirit. A
revolution is not gentle and temperate. What does it matter to sleep a bit less?
What does it matter to rest a bit less? What does it matter to have dirty
clothes soaked a bit longer before washing them? The peaceful life in the last
two decades followed a steady routine pattern. But we are now in the era of
intense war preparation. We need to come out of the prescribed old living style
that we were used to during the peacetime and adapt to the needs of
revolutionary warfare.
June 12
For these several days, we have been hoeing up weeds, hoeing cornfields and peas
fields. Hoeing requires a high sense of responsibility and meticulous care.
Chairman Mao taught us: "apply a boundless sense of responsibility in your
work…" "Be responsible for the people."
Lacking a sense of responsibility, I rushed for speed and did not hoe up weeds
thoroughly, resulting in low quality work. My carelessness exposed my petty
bourgeois tendency of being vain. I did not want to lag behind others in hoeing
the fields. The poor and lower middle peasants would not have this
self-deceiving attitude and they knew how vital and necessary hoeing the field
is to crops. My ignorance led me to perform my duty in a perfunctory manner.
In the future, I will take "be responsible for the people" as my motto if I am
to hoe the fields again. I will ensure the quality first even if it compromises
my speed. Upon the assurance of quality, I will speed up.
June 14
Wan Yan came to chat with me and said that she noticed I have been in a bad mood
these days. I told her why it was so. Sometimes I felt that our squad and
platoon leaders had been focused on formalities in management. They tended to be
showing off. For instance, they called off work later than the other platoons;
they insisted that everyone lines up after work and marches back to camp even in
pouring rain; Sometimes they whimsically asked the whole platoon to work extra
time at night. The excuse they used was that the same day's work needed to be
completed on the same day, but the real reason was they wanted to impress others
with how hard their soldiers had been working. Having observed this on repeated
occurrences, I couldn't hold my disapproval, neither could help expressing my
dissatisfaction. I became passive and sarcastic. Sometimes I argued with the
platoon leaders in public or complained openly. Wan Yan advised that I should
not involve my personal feelings and should submit my complaints via the regular
organizational procedures.
Later, I studied Chairman Mao's work On Rectifying the Wrong Thoughts Within our
Party 20 and the May 20th Instruction. Chairman Mao said: "Ultra- democracy
was deeply rooted in the minds of many comrades. The evidence lies in some
comrades' unconvincing attitudes towards the implementations of some
resolutions."
20. On Rectifying the Wrong Thoughts within our Party: This essay by
Mao Zedong was a resolution drawn up in December 1929 for the 9th Party Congress
of the Fourth Army of the Red Army. The Chinese Red Army was created on August
1, 1927 and by December 1929 has been in existence for over two years. During
this period, the CPC in the Red Army learned a great deal and gained quite a
rich store of experience in the course of combating various mistaken ideas. This
resolution summed up this experience. It enabled the Red Army to build itself
entirely
on a Marxist-Leninist basis and to eliminate all the influences of
armies of the old type.
"Nowadays, there is a popular saying: we should resist our leaders. It is
permissible among the masses, but not allowed in the army. If everyone does
things following his own will, how could our army fight in a war?…Orders
are to be carried out no matter whether you understand it or not." "If one's
opinion is negated, he should not demonstrate any objection in his actions." "If
everyone believes in himself and goes his own way, we will be a mess."
Now I am a soldier of the corps and I can no longer view myself as one of the
masses. I should set a high standard in organization discipline and eradicate
thoroughly the ultra-democratic and anarchistic concepts from my mind. I should
consciously cultivate a strong sense of organizational discipline.
The thorough execution of an order will be compromised, interrupted and
neglected if I demonstrate objections, become reluctant and hesitant in carrying
it out. Although it is different from refusal to carry out the order, it still
reflects ultra- democracy and is not allowed in the army. While at school, I was
carefree and not bound by disciplines, especially at the times when I believed I
was correct. But the army is different. If everyone acts as he pleases, then no
unified solidarity could be achieved. Of course, it is inevitable to have
opinions and complaints. The right attitude would be: carry out the orders while
reserving objections. We may bring up the objections via regular organizational
procedure and improve our comprehension while carrying out orders.
I will do the following in the future: I will not contradict squad and platoon
leaders; I will not make cynical remarks while carrying out the orders; I will
not complain to affect the morale and implementation of the orders.
June 22
The primary evaluation on Four Goods Company almost came to an end. We studied
the "Two Resolutions" in this campaign. I have improved my understanding.
In appraising awards for "Five Goods Soldiers" 21, my comrades
have the following recommendations for me:
- 1. Should heighten a sense of organizational discipline.
- 2. Should set a higher and stricter standard
One comrade pointed out that I had regressed recently and failed to study as diligently as before. He said that at work, even though I seemed to have given my best, but hadn't set a high standard for myself. He said that instead of following the prescribed order as required, I should have endeavored harder by truly going all out.
21. The Five Good Soldiers movement refers to good in political ideology, good in military training, good in the "three-eight work style", good in carrying out assigned tasks, and good in physical training.
-
"Trying best" is too low a standard for myself. I found it difficult to accept this assessment. I remember that I once said we should just give our best on an occasion and she overheard it and is using it to criticize me now. Quite mean in treating others like this. But on the second thought, her caustic remarks would spur me to set higher standards.
- 3. Should provide more help and collaborate more with others to
advance together. "It is merely a red dot when one person is red, but it is
an area of redness when everyone is red." Qin Xiaohua already pointed this
out at last year's year-end evaluation. It is difficult for me to achieve
this. I had just barely got rid of my bad habit of separating from the
masses and had begun to merge myself with my comrades. It is a lot to ask me
to help others in the squad to advance together.
- A. I think I am far from being good myself, thus it is difficult for me to help others.
- B. Not free from the influence of the pernicious view of "masses backwardness". I sometimes still despise those who had fallen behind, and am not willing to approach them. So, I was only concerned about my own performance. This attitude might be acceptable in the past, but not now. I will have to set a higher bar to measure up to "Five Goods Soldier" standard. It is much more demanding to be a Five Good Soldier than being an ordinary one. I was the one who fell behind before and had received help from others. Since I had lacked experience helping others before, I know that I need to upgrade my efforts in this area by a huge step.
- 4. Someone pointed out that I often put people on the spot. I took it as a personality issue before. However, my remarks were often too harsh for others to swallow with good grace, especially those calculating ones. This personality trait has strained my relationship with others and I often cut myself off. Thus, I need to rectify my weakness and work on it in the future.
The above are the four areas that I need to pay attention to.
As part of my personal assessment, I did self-criticism for not taking the
reporting assignment seriously. I thought about turning it down because I did
not know how to manage it efficiently. In fact, the worst woe is the lack of
determination to do it well. If I am willing to learn, I would be able to learn
and learn it well through practice.
In the next half a year, I need to take this assignment seriously. The exhibit
board will not be filled only with slogans of determinations that people seldom
pay attention to. More lively reports and commentaries targeting certain themes
should be written and posted. Not only will I write and post,
we would invite all members of the squad to
write for richer content. This way, we will be able to identify ideological
issues and solve problems in a timely manner. These thoughts are still at a
planning stage so far, details will unfold and be explored in future
practice.
July 25
So much happened lately, exerting a drastic impact on my spirit. Since my
arrival here, things have been relatively calm and peaceful. But recent events
have shattered this quiet life like raging waves, which stirred up my mind like
a wild storm.
With the busy season of wheat harvest approaching, I haven't had the time to
solve these spiritual issues. Wang's act of running back home and the quarrel
between us the other day reminded me of many happenings in the past, and I was
bewildered with doubts and confusions.
I received a letter from my mom in which she encouraged me to take criticism
properly. "Everyone makes mistakes. Recognizing and correcting the mistake
will do." Mom also asked me to study "On Contradictions" 22 to broaden my
horizon and perceive the world with a dialectic method. I should accept mom's
advice.
Wheat harvesting has been going on for days. Heavy and intense labor plus an
upset stomach, I felt listless all over. Strong willpower is a must to keep me
going. "Conquer all obstacles and win the final victory!"
At the beginning of the wheat harvest, I developed diarrhea. It reached its peak
the other day accompanied with a newly added high fever. To make the matter
worse, I injured my hand with a sickle, and blood oozed from the cut. At that
time, I almost fainted with a nauseated feeling. Several comrades working on my
side helped me to sit down and put a straw hat on my head to shield me from the
sun. After resting for a little while, I felt better. They told me I looked very
pale just now and tried to persuade me to go back to my dorm to rest. But I
continued my work soon after I felt better. My near fainting spell and diarrhea
had made me quite weak. In addition, I had worked from morning to now for 4 to 5
hours without being able to keep any food down. But I did not want to leave the
fields. I told myself to hold on for just a bit longer to the end. During the
nap time at noon, my body felt unusually hot like being surrounded by hot air.
My nostrils and my mouth were breathing hot air in and out.
22. On Contradictions: It is an essay written by Mao Zedong in August 1937. Along with On Practice, it forms the philosophical underpinnings of the political ideology that would later become Maoism or Mao Zedong Thought. This essay was written as an interpretation of the philosophy of dialectical materialism while Mao was at his guerilla base in Yan'an. Mao suggests that all movement and life is a result of contradiction. Mao further developed the theme laid out in On Contradiction in his 1957 speech entitled On the Correct Handling of Contradictions among the People.
I told myself that I was having a fever. At that time, Doctor Guan came to our
squad to visit his patients. We asked him to gauge our blood pressure. All the
others had normal blood pressure except for me. He told me that my blood
pressure was elevated. Since my blood pressure had always been normal in the
past, for years, I attributed this abnormality to my fever. Sure, my temperature
was 38 degrees. "Shall I go back to work?" Comrades asked me to rest in the
dorm. They started to line up and rush to the fields while I was hesitant. I
stayed back just for a little while and thought I should be fit enough to work
again. I only need to overcome some more difficulties than usual. I shall
conquer not only the heat, fatigue but the illness. I grabbed the sickle and ran
to the fields.
I was refreshed by the wind despite the fever and fatigue. I kept working with
no stop. One hour passed by. Another hour passed by. Maybe because I was sick,
the afternoon felt especially long, much longer than usual. I persevered, making
up my mind that I would not leave the fields before the finish time. I would
hold up to the last minute. Soon I began to realize this had been a particularly
long harvesting day. It was already getting dark, yet we still had not heard the
stop signal. The evening breeze made me shiver in the cold. I felt I was really
at the end of my rope, but I should not halt! I had already endured the whole
afternoon. How could I give up now? I told myself to press on! I was not a
weakling! I should take this best opportunity to train my willpower! If we make
conscious efforts, there are numerous occasions in everyday life to train our
will and overcome our weakness, little by little, step by step. But these
opportunities would be lost if you turn a blind eye to them.
I should totally break away from Liu's corrupt philosophy to treasure oneself.
Not only should I despise it as shown in others, but I should also dissect
myself mercilessly to see if I had the baneful influence of this corrupt view. I
should go all out to clean it out if I possess any.
Chairman Mao said: "The following situation often exists: the advantage and
active restoration is generated from the effort to persist for a little bit
longer."
Comrade Jin Xunhu also said: "Labor could cure some diseases."
I did not lie in bed after developing a fever that day.
Instead, I was able to overcome the sickness and restore my energy through
working in the fields. This reflected a significant change from before when I
would rest at home under similar circumstances.
Following the Five Criteria for party members in the New Charter for the
Community Party of China, I am doing a self-assessment. "Have the courage to
criticize and self-criticize".
HIGHEST INSTRUCTION:
We should fight against any selfishness and criticize revisionism.
We learn lessons from mistakes and setbacks have taught us a lesson. We come out
smarter and more efficient.
Vice Chairman Lin taught us:
Revolution also means to revolt against ourselves. Otherwise, revolutions will
not be successful.
While taking ourselves as a part of the revolutionary force, we should treat
ourselves as the very target of revolution.
To find a resolution for the problem, we need to revolutionize our souls.
Wang's flight back home struck me and drove me into a fierce mental struggle.
All sorts of new thoughts sprang up, and I was unable to control them. It felt
as if my mind were covered with thick black clouds, and my work and study had
been compromised. If I cannot eradicate these thoughts, I won't be able to
continue my revolution. I would stop progressing and could even fall backwards.
"Retrogression will get you nowhere", Chairman Mao's words ring in my eardrums.
I have no other options but moving forward with all my might.
Following Chairman Mao's teaching, I waged a tough and painful ideological war
in my mind against selfishness and revisionist ideas. I managed to recognize
where I went astray through this hard-fought mental struggle.
I recognized Wang's erroneous behavior lies in evading reality and difficulties.
Wang failed to understand Communist philosophy is that of struggle, that the
revolutionary path is rocky and bumpy and that "we have to prepare ourselves for
going through twists and turns". She failed to understand "life is full of
contradiction and struggle. Contradictions are unavoidable and can never be
thoroughly eradicated in the past, present and future. Contradictions will only
be solved via struggle. Her escape demonstrated her irresponsibility to our work
and the collective, thus a failure to follow Chairman Mao's teaching: "Our
responsibility is fully committed to the people. Every word, every action and
every policy will have to comply with the interests of the people."
The current situation at the Fifth Company is problematic and the company falls
behind most other companies in the regiment.
But how are we going to cope? Avoiding and escaping problems do not conform to
the communist and proletariat philosophy of struggle. Contradictions and
struggle exist everywhere and there is no place of immunity. Class struggle
exists in class society. Even in a classless society, there still exists
conflict between the new and the old. Without understanding this principle, we
would keep getting stuck even when transferred to a new environment. Shall one
resort to run away instead of facing the difficulties?
Chairman Mao taught us: "At certain times during the course of the revolution
disadvantageous conditions prevail. Thanks to the efforts of revolutionaries.
difficulties could be gradually overcome to be replaced by new pathways, opening
doors to success."
The present scenario of the Fifth Company reflects the above teaching. Let us
follow Chairman Mao's words: "The whole party must be fully prepared to overcome
all the difficulties with an indomitable will."
The current problems demand our relentless efforts and indomitable will. Those
stubborn old habits and customs are not expected to be solved with one easy
move. At the same time, we should never shun away from these old forces.
Sometimes, I feel powerless when facing unhealthy behavior or trends in the
Fifth Company. I did try once or twice, but I lacked an indomitable will. I soon
gave up.
In fact, this is a typical example of theory divorcing from practice as well as
incomplete revolution. First, I did not have the determination to wage a
tireless struggle to the end. Secondly, I was not completely committed to
settling down in the border area myself. How would I convince my fellow
teammates to do the same? Therefore, the priority of revolution is to transform
oneself! Only then can I become a better revolutionary force.
Confidence is the key in facing the problems of the Fifth Company.
If we faltered and were lack of confidence, we would not be able to fight
forcefully.
We should dare to struggle and excel at it. Final victory belongs to us.
Sometimes we cannot help but feel powerless and incapable of action. That is
because we are not courageous enough and experienced enough. We could only
expect to improve our swimming skill through swimming and likewise, sharpen our
struggle skill through struggling.
The courage to stage struggles comes from Mao Zedong Thought. The tactic is
explored via practice.
Chairman Mao said: "The difficulties we are facing today can be overcome because
we represent the new force with a bright future." To us, the first and foremost
is confidence in the final victory of our revolution. Can the Fifth Company make
changes? What is most needed now is confidence and courage. Some comrades became
so spiritless that they thought about leaving the company and a few did
leave.
In the beginning, I always blamed the leadership for incompetency and poor
management. Thus, those who deserted were not to blame. Later, my study of
Chairman Mao's materialistic dialectics led me to see external cause extends
from internal cause. The current circumstance of the Fifth Company only wavers
those with weak willpower. The majority are determined to stay and are
relatively persistent. They understand that the obstacles can only be removed
through struggle, not thorough escape. Wang, on the other hand, has not
thoroughly transformed herself and has wavered in her determination at the
critical time. Besides, she had more than others a tendency of separating theory
from practice seen among intellectuals. Like others, she had expressed her
determination and commitment to settle down in the border region, but her escape
broke her promise. She once said that she would head to those places with most
challenges. But her action betrayed her words. She also said hardships could
train people, but what she did when the Fifth Company was in its most
challenging state proved the opposite.
The theory of conditional ideological transformation is wrong.
We transform our thoughts, not in vacuum, not in comfort, but in storms and
waves. We transform our thoughts amongst complicated problems solving
overwhelming hardships.
Therefore, our growth and pace of progress lies in our internal efforts, not
external environments. Outstanding youth like Jin Xunhua emerge from various
environments such as factories, countryside, army and production and
construction corps while there are also some disappointing degenerates.
Therefore, regardless of where we are, we need to engage in spiritual
revolution.
Wang's action has seriously impacted the company's morale, but I failed to
recognize the negative impact at first. Her escape sent a shockwave and some
other comrades at the Fifth Company also began to waver, which further
jeopardized the organization. Her action brought sadness to our dear ones and
joy to adversaries, our class enemies.
As I shared with her on the motives to leave the company, I endorsed her action
and pushed her into making the mistake. I was partially accountable. In
addition, my determination to settle down in the borderland also began to rock
under the influence of the negative impact and disruption. That was why I went
through a fierce mental struggle. I thought about going to join my elder sister
in her production team. But I was worried about creating a bad image for
myself
judging from what I had said in the past. I would be looked down upon as a lip-
service revolutionary. Feeling depressed with the condition at the company, I
resorted to a period of study and self-criticism, I reached a resolution that I
need an indomitable will to continue staying at Fifth Company. I will never be a
deserted soldier. Wherever one is assigned to, wherever is one's destination for
continued struggle.
As I was to blame as an accomplice of Wang's mistake, I realized that I had also
made a mistake and that it was my responsibility to help her to correct it.
Chairman Mao said: "To a comrade who made mistakes, we should adopt the policy
of learning from the past and present in order to prevent them in the future,
and treating the disease to save the patient. We should give him a way out and
correct the mistake and to continue the revolution. We should never forbid Ah-Q
from participating in revolution like what Master Zhao did in The True Story of
Ah-Q. 23
Communist party members should never exclude those who have committed mistakes
except for a few incorrigibles. Our attitude towards those who have made
mistakes in the work should be one of persuasion in order to help him change and
start afresh."
23. The True Story of Ah Q is a novel written by Lu Xun, one of the greatest modern Chinese writers. It was first published as a serial on December 4, 1921, and was later placed in his first short story collection "Call to Arms" in 1923. It has nine chapters.
In the future, I will follow Chairman Mao's teaching and try my best to help
Wang via correspondence or other ways. I will persuade her to return to our
revolutionary team and learn a lesson from this mistake. "A fall in the pit, a
gain in your wit."
Chairman Mao also said: "Listen to both sides and you will be enlightened; heed
only one side and you will be benighted."
"We must cultivate a democratic style of listening to people.
Due to my failure to listen to different opinions, it had taken a long time
before Wang's issue could be resolved.
I couldn't calmly consider those opposite opinions from other comrades on
certain issues. I rejected their opinions in totality resulting in conflicts. As
a matter of fact, some disagreements are reasonable, but I overruled them.
Some
agreements might be wrong, but I side with them. If one persists in
arbitrariness, he will just run into a stone wall.
I made up my mind to rectify my behavior after having realized it was counter
effective. I was candid and sincere in approaching those who disagreed with me.
I was able to understand the rationale of these oppositions, and I was ready to
take them into my consideration. After careful thinking, I felt they were
correct.
I learned a great deal from this mistake. Making mistakes is not good, but they
"teach us good lessons". With the experience, we can avoid making the same
mistakes in the future.
END
HIGHEST INSTRUCTION
"We need to hear different voices." "Do not get angry and take it personally
upon hearing different opinions."
The masses' opinions are valuable. You will stray from them if you cannot hear
what they say. What else will be more dangerous than separating from the
masses?
August 17
The issue of family background is a reality. The only way to deal with it is to
handle it properly and face it squarely, but not to avoid it. In fact, it cannot
be avoided.
I had a quarrel with someone who let loose a torrent of abuse "contraband"! I
was deeply offended. It struck me hard. I felt that I could not get along with
this kind of person who never distinguished me from my father. After being
labeled as a non-revolutionary. What common language could I share with this
accuser? What else is more intolerable than being accused of being
non-revolutionary? They never believe that the transformable children are
pro-revolutionary. Who else are more hateful than those who not only are
non-revolutionary themselves, but not allow others to revolutionize? Not only I
felt angry but wronged and grieved. It was truly a heavy blow. Had I not bit my
tongue and held my emotions back, I would have burst into tears. I knew tears
were useless. I started to form another idea. I should go to a place where
everyone believed I was revolutionary. I would go to a place where everyone
follows the party's policy. If I was trusted to be a revolutionary, I would go
all out at my work and devote myself to the revolutionary cause. But I am here
and not everyone believed I was committed to revolution. Some were skeptical. I
was still regarded as a "black element" from an evil family no matter how hard I
tried to transform myself. Am I going through a reform labor camp? Or pretending
to be a revolutionary? I could not take this kind of slander and assault. I
created a perfect environment for myself, a place where everyone is guided by
the party's policies.
I wrote to my mom to reflect my thinking. Her return letter inspired me. She
told me to objectively view this issue with Mao Zedong Thought. I felt warmth
reading her words. What else could move and warm me other than Chairman Mao's
thought?
Mom said that the theory that class origin decides everything is extremely
wrong. The party's policy states that class status is not the only yardstick and
more importance should be given to self-performance. Any violation of the policy
goes against Mao Zedong Thought. So, I should try to avoid any disruptions of my
morale. The theory is wrong in the first place because it crushes revolutionary
enthusiasm. Some comrades with class status issues are burdened with this
unnecessary mental load and cannot bring their enthusiasm into full play. In
other words, some people who themselves are not engaged in revolution are not
allowing
others to do so either. We should
oppose, resist and struggle with the theory, but not allow it to disturb and
affect our morale. Only by doing so, we can defeat this wrong theory. Failure to
do so would allow the theory to impact and burden us. This is exactly what this
theory aimed at. It is counter revolutionary because the class enemies took its
advantage. The class enemies tried all their best to scramble for the
transformable children when they were hesitating and swaying between choices.
The enemies wanted to push those transformable children to the opposite of the
masses and thus bring them to their own side. This is what the enemies expected
and fought for. On the contrary, people did not want to see us fall. Chairman
Mao held great expectations for the large number of the transformable children.
He believed that the majority are revolutionary. He said in his most recent
instruction: "don't label the children of anti-revolutionaries and most
unrepentant capitalist roaders as "sons and daughters of black elements." We
should unite them and welcome them. The majority can be a part of us through
education and rustication (transformable ones). They should be distinguished
from the families they came from. Only a minority will remain non-transformable,
so the majority should be won over." Chairman Mao believed that most of us are
revolutionary. We are greatly moved, and we should live up to the expectation of
Chairman Mao. We should prove with our actions that we are committed to Chairman
Mao's revolutionary cause, to the full implementation and appreciation of his
teaching, his wisdom and foresight.
"We should trust the masses and our party. These are the two fundamental
principles. Nothing could be accomplished if there is any doubt in them."
Nothing could be accomplished if we cast any doubt in these two principles
simply because of a few erroneous statements by a few who were lagging. One
could hardly move forward with confidence and courage if she is dispirited and
burdened with mental loads.
In fact, it is obvious that the wrong statements did not represent the will of
the majority.
Chairman Mao believed that we are revolutionary. The majority masses follow his
teaching and carry out the policy that he has defined. Those who made the wrong
statement appeared "left" in form
but "right"
in nature. What they said exposed their ignorance and incompetence. Why were we
impacted by the noise? While we mercilessly struggle with them, we need to
demonstrate that we are true revolutionaries. In doing so, we can deal them a
heavy blow while letting others judge whether we were not fit to revolutionize,
or we were not allowed to do so.
Chairman Mao taught us: "What standard shall we use to evaluate whether a youth
is revolutionary or not? There is only one: we will see if he/she is willing or
not, and implementing or not, to integrate with the workers and peasants."
Chairman Mao pointed out this is the only standard to distinguish the
revolutionary from non-revolutionary or anti-revolutionary. His teaching lays
out this standard as the only one, second to none. Subjectively, I am more than
willing to do so. In practice, I deeply feel there is no other way out as an
alternative. Therefore, I am a revolutionary.
Some people put on the airs to "transformable children" very much like Master
Zhao to Ah-Q as if we, in case of making any mistakes, would not be any
different from our families. How shall we behave ourselves in front of these
people? On the one hand, we should set a stricter and higher bar for us and try
to make as few mistakes as possible. On the other hand, we should not be over
cautious as to taking things easy to avoid trouble.
Lenin said: "The people who never make any mistakes are those who do
nothing."
"We are not afraid of mistakes. People will not turn into saints once revolution
starts."
"There is a great and heroic action behind every hundred mistakes. These actions
are ordinary and unremarkable."
Chairman Mao also pointed out: "Failure is the mother of success. Mistakes and
failures teach us lessons and make us smarter."
Not allowing making mistakes is equivalent to not allowing somebody to engage in
revolution. We are not saints and will inevitably make mistakes in revolution.
Those mistakes are merely episodes on our revolutionary roads from which we
learn lessons, raise our competency
and become
smarter. Mistakes might look bad but turn out to be beneficial. Those who behave
well, stick to conventions and are content with temporary ease and comfort shall
not be expected to accomplish anything significant because they worry about
making mistakes. They will remain mediocre and incompetent throughout their
lives.
Youth should dare to think, speak, revolutionize and rebel. Meanwhile, they
should dare to admit their mistakes and rectify them. "A fall in the pit and a
gain in the wit", they will move forward and continue making progress.
August 28
Today marks the one-year anniversary of my joining the corps and my seventeenth
birthday. It is also the one-year anniversary of the promulgation of August 28th
Order. What a meaningful day it is!
Today last year, I entered society and turned a new page in my life when I was
sixteen years old. I boarded the train of the era and held my new post in
serving the people. Everything was completely fresh and new to me. The road that
I
travelled for the past year was uneven, particularly the six to seven months
after I was transferred to the Fifth Company. That period was full of conflicts
and obstacles, marked with twists and turns, and characterized with setbacks and
failures. from this difficult experience, I came to understand that revolution
is by no means easy. Revolution embraces transformation of both subjective and
objective worlds. It is not an interesting and romantically colorful event as I
previously imagined. "A revolution is not a dinner party, or writing an essay,
or painting a picture, or doing embroidery; it cannot be so refined, so
leisurely and gentle, so temperate, kind, courteous, restraining and
magnanimous. Revolution is a riot which aims to overthrow one class by another
through violence." Revolution is first and foremost to revolutionize oneself,
which is a long, tiring and painful process of struggle against personal
interests and revisionism. Only a selfless person with a proletarian worldview
will be able to experience the infinite joy to fight against heaven, earth and
people and taste the happiness of struggle. However, the petty bourgeoisie at
the primary stage of transforming their bourgeoisie worldviews are not quite
able to feel the ultimate joy. They may sense it sometimes but most of the time
they do not. Therefore, revolution is not easy and comfortable, but an arduous
and painful ordeal and they need to be ready to accept it and willing to pay the
price.
Lu Xun once said: "Revolution is painful, mixed with filth and blood.
It is not perfect and interesting as imagined by poets. It requires a variety of
petty and troublesome detailed nuisance and it is not romantic at all as
described by poets. Revolution brings destruction followed by construction. To
destroy is fast and forceful, but construction is slow and troublesome.
Therefore, those who approach revolution with romantic illusions will be
disappointed."
I myself entered society with subjective illusions. Out of ignorance, I
underestimated our complicated society as simple and our revolution filled with
fun. As a result, I was at my wit's end when confronted with challenges and
stormy waves. I was totally disillusioned by the hard facts, which led to
further disappointment. It typically exemplifies my ignorance about the
complications of society, of class struggle and of revolution.
Lenin said: "After overthrowing the power of bourgeoisie, destroying
capitalistic state apparatus and establishing proletarian dictatorship, class
struggle didn't disappear, but changed its form and turned more cruel in many
aspects."
During the socialist transition period, bloody and life-and-death class struggle
still exists. It has taken on a form different from war time. The unarmed
enemies in front of us are becoming sinister and ruthless. They are the wolves
in sheep's skin and more dangerous than the wolves without sheep's skin. The
class struggle is no longer a contest of weapons like in the war time, but has
penetrated into the ideological sphere, invisible and untouchable. Chairman Mao
said: The warfare that we fought across the country in the past is easy to win
because the enemies are obvious. But a war like the Great Proletarian Cultural
Revolution is much more difficult to fight." Class struggle is becoming more
complex, fierce and " more brutal in many aspects".
September 24
Our reporting column is up once again. Comrades could get their writings
exhibited. But it is not popularized enough yet. I myself wrote several
articles. In reporting, I am for the principle illustrated by Lu Xun: "Warmly
advocate the right and fiercely attack the wrong. We should make a clear
distinction between what we love and what we hate, and we should have a
clear-cut position. To do this requires our constant awareness and assessment of
what is happening around us. We will make good use of the column to promote Mao
Zedong thought and criticize revisionism. "Masses are the true heroes". They
have the sharpest eyes and can best judge what is right and what is wrong.
Thus, our special column should be developed into a mass-oriented frontline, not
to be franchised to a minority.
October 2
Our motherland is now twenty-one years old. Our great nation marched into the
era of the 70s triumphantly. I will make efforts to catch up with the pace. I
need to cleanse my mind, getting rid of the stale and taking in the fresh.
Shedding the bourgeoisie shadow and illuminating it with Mao Zedong Thought!
Let me put all of my thoughts onto the table and examine them with Mao Zedong
Thought!
Still feeling like a stranger in my current organization, I am not happy with
the squad, the platoon and the company. I feel that there are fewer
heart-to-heart friends, fewer to share life goals and common interests and fewer
role models to follow.
Recalling the old 14th Squad, how much I miss it! Qin Xiaohua is my heart-to-
heart friend who helped to improve my political consciousness. Whatever she did
and said has set a perfect role model for me. She is neither arrogant nor
indulgent in exaggerations. She is neither double-faced nor narrow-minded. She
is by no means a selfish individualist. She best exemplifies how to apply
revolutionary ideals in real life, or how to integrate theory with practice. It
was a pleasing experience to have lived and worked with her on the same team.
She guided me every step moving forward. Liu Jianhua is a comrade so fond of
learning! She is never tired of acquiring knowledge. My friendship with her was
established on the study together. We shared thoughts and perspectives. We
studied together and helped each other. She is more than a role model in study,
because she also led me in work and living. Song Weihua, warm-hearted,
down-to-earth, honest and upright, excelled in all. I also miss a Cheng Shuihua
who always does good deeds and helps other comrades out of her way. Fan Yanying,
Shi Guidong and Ren Shanglin are all role models for me. At that time, there
were so many role models. I like, admire and respect them all. Although it was
merely several months that I was on the same squad with them, I miss them and
the time we spent together. The relationship between and among us was so
harmonious
and close. Now the environment is
totally different. I am surrounded by a group of philistines. What I hear is
often the hysterical verbal abuse of trivial things such as a basin of water or
a jacket, etc. The subject of the talk is boring and of low taste. Some people
look like gentlemen, but their flamboyant outer garments cannot help but expose
their obsession with personal interest. Some people do just enough to get by,
believing "the less trouble the better". They sell their souls in order to
protect themselves. Showing no interest in politics and retrogressing in
spiritual rustication, some people compensate their void souls with material
comfort. They totally forget their life-long responsibility to pursue truth and
yield themselves to powerful old customs to the degree of confusing right and
wrong. Some are political opportunists. In order to gain political favor, they
step on others. They often show up in public as lovely "leftists" as if only
they are revolutionary while others are not, but behind their façade lies
their corrupt political ambition. Are these examples for me to follow? If I did,
I would have become a true hypocrite. I would have ended up giving up truth in
exchange for personal gains. How can I become this kind of a person? At present,
I am not able to change the current circumstance and overcome the old stubborn
social customs, but I will not be conquered! I will resist persistently and
forcefully. I refuse to be affected and disrupted by them. Instead, I will make
every effort to bring about changes. If not possible, I will at least not become
a victim myself!
Among these people, role models must exist. A real good role model might be
hidden among the chaotic group and hard to identify, but to find one would be
invaluable. I must find admirable quality and learn from it. No matter what
circumstances are, good examples are among us. Persistent hard working, tenderly
caring for others, and enduring hardship of any sort are the good qualities to
keep in mind. I will try my best to learn and improve myself. While I make
progress, I will be ready to help others to advance together. If I cannot help
now, I will avoid the negative impact and help them when time comes. I will
spend every day as meaningful days of revolution, struggle and learning.
October 7
Our platoon was honored to be a participant in the campaign of hydraulic
projects of which we are very proud and excited.
The diary entry dated October 2 is not a true account of the reality and
objective circumstance. Under the influence of Liu Shaoqi's theory on the
Backwardness of Masses, I wrongfully took the non-mainstream issues as the
mainstream. I exaggerated the shortcomings; sounded superior in criticizing
fellow comrades and outpoured my discontent. It is a dangerous tendency as it
violates Chairman Mao's teaching: "Criticism is necessary, but it should be
based on the standing point of our people and expressed in the interest to
protect and educate them. If we treat our comrades like enemies, we will
completely fall to the opposite of the people." We need to strictly
differentiate people from enemies. Any doing to obscure the differentiation
departs from Mao Zedong Thought. We should treat our enemy with hatred and
ruthlessly expose them. But we can't do the same with the people. We can't
expose them. Chairman Mao said: "The targets that the revolutionary artists
should unmask include invaders, suppressors and exploiters together with the
evil impact they had created among the people. The targets cannot be the masses.
Admittedly our people do have shortcomings, and they should be dealt with
solutions used to solve internal conflicts, namely criticism and self-criticism.
It is largely an issue of education and improvement.
Chairman Mao made it very clear how we should handle internal
conflicts and shortcomings of the people and how to differentiate
revolutionaries from anti- revolutionaries. How could I blame my comrades from
the enemies standing point of view? I should have traced these shortcomings to
the millennia-old private ownership system. The evil system is the one to
blame.
HIGHEST TEACHING:
Irrigation is the lifeblood of agriculture.
- I. Fearing neither hardship nor death. Take great pleasure in hard struggles.
- II. We comrades should see our accomplishments and the bright side to boost our momentum in the difficult time.
- III. Our primary approach is to learn about war from warfare.
A SUMMARY (Great irrigation battle)
It was cold and the water was freezing, I was very concerned that I might get
arthritis. Then I remembered Chairman Mao's teaching: "Sacrifices are inevitable
in revolutions." Numerous heroes gave their all for the revolutionary cause even
at the expense of their lives. How can I shrink at this time of need? I fell in
Liu Shaoqi's trap to treasure yourself and your health. I am now determined to
turn the irrigation site into the battlefield to liquidate Liu's pernicious
influence. I will follow the numerous heroes who sacrificed their lives to
revolution. My worries dispelled; I am ready to march forward with no hesitation
no matter how cold the water is.
A variety of unexpected challenges and difficulties emerged in the campaign. The
high-water level caused persistent leaks. Besides, it was hard to dredge as the
bottom was so muddy. The two large pits dug in the first phase became extra
problematic as water could not be pumped out. The pumped pit was filled with
water the next day. Mixed with water, the mud became muddier in the pit, sinking
our legs deeper and deeper until sometimes we could no longer use shovels to
dig. When this happened, we switched to use our hands to remove the mud, which
was black and sticky. Due to the hardship of the work, we tried to remove the
mud little by little. We were slow in our pace. At this time, I became a little
bit disheartened at whether we could finish the job on time. Chairman Mao's
words boost up my confidence: "Our comrades……" We should realize
that the difficulties are temporary and could be overcome with our efforts. We
encounter difficulties today because we have not yet mastered the objective law.
With repeated practice,
we will be able to
grasp it and turn the difficult situation into success.
We discovered that the muddy pit became watery and more difficult to dig as we
stepped on it day after day. We improved our methods. and our working pace
picked up.
Chairman Mao said: "The best approach to learn about war is from war. It is
often not that we do things after we learn them well. Rather we do it and learn
at the same time. We learn by doing."
With hardly any experience and knowledge in digging ditches, we followed
Chairman Mao's teaching and approached the task with confidence and
collaborative spirit. During the process, we constantly reminded ourselves to
rid any pessimism and to replace it with confidence. We also fought with our
tendency for idleness and arrogance from time to time. If we persist in this
learning process, we will discover, innovate, and accomplish. Although ready
experience is absent at the beginning, repeated practice and trial and error
will empower us as experience belongs to those who did not have it. After one
month, we now have developed better knowledge in using the main instrument in
our hands, the spades, we now know how to dig in mud and what to do in an
emergency. One month ago, we only knew how to dig the mud one spade after
another, but now we have learned what is involved in digging a ditch.
Hard struggle brings immeasurable joy!
During the one-month long great battle, we were soaked in water and mud every
day. My legs were numbed standing in freezing water in cold weather. But we all
felt that this kind of training opportunity was beyond what we had experienced
before and was hard to come by. We took great pleasure and pride in successfully
going through it. The reality proved that we had successfully stood the test of
hard struggle, and that we have grown mature and strong. A large irrigation
ditch dozens meters long did not fall from the sky. We, soldiers of the corps,
dug it out using spades and hands. This is what it means by the spirit of
changing heaven and earth and moving mountains and building seas!
I am so happy that I have contributed as a participant.
February 12, 1971
CARRY OUT GRAND CAMPAIGN OF REVOLUTIONARY CRITICISM
Merciless criticism of Traitor Liu Shaoqi's theory "Class Struggle is
Extinguished"
Chairman Mao taught us: "The class struggle between proletariat and bourgeoisie
in ideology is ever-existing, tortuous and fierce at some points."
"……if we fail to recognize it fully, we will commit big mistakes
and ignore the necessary ideological struggle."
Lenin also pointed out: "After the overthrow of the bourgeoisie power and
destruction of the bourgeoisie state, and after the establishment of the
proletariat power system, class struggle will not disappear, but exists in
different forms and becomes much more brutal in many aspects."
In the whole transitional period, class struggle was reflected mainly in
ideology. The unarmed enemies changed their ways of attack on proletariats and
people. Therefore, the class struggle that we face today is not the contest of
weapons like in the war time, but in ideology, which is invisible and
untouchable. Just as Chairman Mao said: "The warfare that we had across the
whole country in the past was relatively easier because enemies were visible.
But the Great Proletarian Cultural Revolution is much harder than before."
Class struggle in ideology is demonstrated in the struggle between proletariat
and bourgeoisie. In a class society, class ideology will exist in the long term.
Bourgeois ideology attacks proletariats incessantly, corrupts people in
different channels in the hope of seizing them as the prisoners of its ideology.
In order to prevent people from turning into revisionists and our country from
changing colors, we must never let our guards down even for a second on the
attack of bourgeois ideology. Liu Shaoqi advertised his "class struggle is
dead'' theory as an attempt to realize his dream of restoring capitalism. The
corrupt theory aimed at deceiving our people, disarming them and making them
forget about class struggle. This theory has poisoned many, including a few in
our own company.
They failed to see and smell new trends of class struggle and they are
completely disarmed, allowing bourgeois ideology to occupy their mind. They have
been corroded with bourgeois books and songs. Haven't we seen enough cases like
these around us?
In addition, bourgeois ideology penetrates every corner to corrode our mind. The
struggle between the two ideologies was all-pervasive in our everyday
conversations and daily lives. However, the struggle often slips off people's
attention because the bourgeoisie attacks us with disguises and deceptive
approaches. Thus, we should strengthen our study in Mao Zedong Thought and raise
our alertness on the struggle between different roads. Only by doing so, we
will be able to see through the tricks of bourgeoisie and stand ourselves in
invincible position.
July 8, 1971
A writing to reflect my journey On the train returning to the company,
From the window, I saw in the distance,Wild fields, green mountains, and the sun turning west.
What broad heaven and earth!
What fresh and free air!
How short yet meaningful have been the past seven days!
Now crystalizing as a beautiful affair!
With train in motion,
My mind returned to Chasuqi.
Recalling amiable Deputy Commissioner Zhu,
A warm torrent welled up in my mind.
Speeding along on our bicycles,
Flying through blue mountains and green fields.
Here we came to the extraordinary village.
Our second hometown at present.
I saw poor and lower middle-class peasants, honest and candid,
I saw comrades persevering in their fight.
No longer possessing any bookishness like a few years ago,
A lofty spirit of a new peasant generation is in the making.
Here I ate the most delicious meal in my life,
Here I slept the soundest night.
How reluctant was I to leave this extraordinary village,
Only with more admiration for the remaining comrades I like.
My sister's diary and comrades' letters,
Poems of "Sparks of life" on the wall newspapers,
All greeting my eyes,
Breaking and foaming waves to my head!
Lives are no more than,
Ordinary but contradictory.
My spiritual sparks bounce like flying. A hundred flowers blossom and a hundred schools of thoughts contending!
What an appealing organization theirs is,
How attractive their hometown appears.
The three years of friendship formed in shared joy and sorrow,
Everlasting and indestructible.
Despite our parting,
Some going to new positions elsewhere, some remaining,
Although no longer together,
We are traveling on the same path altogether.
Playing table tennis yesterday,
Strolling on Chasuqi street this morning.
Sitting in a cornfield during the daily reading,
Riding back to the village beneath a bright sun shining.
My sister, other friends, and I,
Posing a photograph together.
A souvenir of the journey,
Unforgettable and forever.
Pitying myself for missing the movie Yamamoto Isoroku,
Feeling sorry for leaving in such a haste.
Unable to have a discussion on a critical issue with my sister,
I embarked on my returning journey.
Arriving at the railway station, Seeing my sister off while boarding the train.
My heart beating wildly with stormy waves,
My throat felt like it was stuffed with cotton balls needing to drain.
Trying to hold back my tears,
Ordering myself to be strong and brave.
Parting keeps us away a year or two,
When can the next conversation take place?
Warm-hearted Xiaoye was my company,
When chatting, all sadness disappears.
3:30 already, how time flies!
Hohhot train is approaching.
Firmly grabbing each other's hands,
"Let us meet another time."
Train puffing, Xiaoye's words echoing:
"Get along with others, that is the key to a good life."
The train goes faster and further,
Sun falls behind the mountains.
The trip will end in the blink of an eye,
I will be back to my village in no time.
WRITTEN ON THE TRAIN
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The facts smash all of the empty talks into pieces!
By Lu Xun
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