Joseph Johnson, letter, to Eleazar Wheelock, 1768 December 28
28 December 1768[1768-12-28]
ms number768678.2
[note (type: abstract): Johnson writes a long and melancholy letter confessing his sins and failures, and asking forgiveness.][note (type: handwriting): Handwriting is small and somewhat uneven, but mostly clear and legible. The trailer is in an unknown hand.][note (type: paper): There are two separate sheets of paper: a large sheet folded in half to make four pages, and a large single sheet. The former is in good condition, with light staining, creasing and wear. The latter is also in good condition, but with more wear along the creases and some preservation work.][note (type: ink): Black-brown ink is slightly faded in spots.]
Persistent Identifier
[Opener]
Providence[place0292.ocp], [Decembr | December]DecembrDecember
[28th | 28th]28th28th 1768-9[1768-12-28]
[Revd | Rev.]RevdRev. and Ever honoured [Doct.r | Dr.]Doct.rDr.
forgive me for my Repeated [preſumti‐on | presumpti‐‐on]preſumti‐onpresumpti‐‐on in Writing to you; But this once more give me leave to acquaint you my Once
kind Benefactor, the [Caſe | Case]CaſeCase I at [pre‐‐ſent | pres‐ent]pre‐‐ſentpres‐ent am in; But as I have So often been found [deceitfull | deceitful]deceitfulldeceitful, I know not as you will have [patiance | patience]patiancepatience to Read over this my pretended [Confeſsion | Confession]ConfeſsionConfession, as I [ſaid | said]ſaidsaid, Seeing I have [ſhewed | showed]ſhewedshowed So much [Deciitfullneſs | Deceitfulness]DeciitfullneſsDeceitfulness in my [pretentions | pretensions]pretentionspretensions, [& | and]&and Undertak ings, Since I have been Capable of being Improved in [ſome | some]ſomesome good way; But for Grant,— Which way, to Betake
[myſelf | myself]myſelfmyself — I know not, I am at a [ſtand | stand]ſtandstand. [hond | honoured]hondhonoured Sir; to retu‐‐rn to you whom I have [ſo | so]ſoso greatly grieved, I dare not; I am [aſhamed | ashamed]aſhamedashamed, [& | and]&and
[Concience | Conscience]ConcienceConscience
[ſtings | stings]ſtingsstings me to the very heart; I am Sorry; my [ſperits | spirits]ſperitsspirits cast down, Methinks, I feel in Some [meaſure | measure]meaſuremeasure the down Cast [ſpirits | spirits]ſpiritsspirits of Cain when he received his curse; but no Equal to his; [tho | though]thothough my — Crimes are more than Equal, the thoughts of your School[org0098.ocp] haunts my mind [day-ly | daily]day-lydaily, and to turn my face that way I dare not, I [ſee | see]ſeesee nothing but my Actions in the deepest dye of Ingratitude [ſtare | stare]ſtarestare me in the face which [Cauſes | Causes]CauſesCauses my heart to faint Under the thoughts of Returning; but what [Courſe | Course]CourſeCourse to take, I know that god is [Every whire | everywhere]Every whireeverywhere, and is Acquainted with Actions past. and will punish without Mercy [thoſe | those]thoſethose that Be [Dis Obedient | disobedient]Dis Obedientdisobedient to his Laws, and Commandment
[Er | ere]Erere long. — — —
But how, it [ſeems | seems]ſeemsseems as if there was [ſome | some]ſomesome probability, [ſome | some]ſomesome glimpse of hope yet, Some way of Being Recovered from this Unhappy
State. [Tho | though]Thothough at other times all hopes Vanish and [lave | leave]laveleave me Under the Unfortunate [Circumſtances | Circumstances]CircumſtancesCircumstances of a
[Disſolate | Dissolute]DisſolateDissolute mind, which Roams at large with an [Unſteady | Unsteady]UnſteadyUnsteady temper. Once this [Courſe | Course]CourſeCourse of Life, at another that, but all
[ſeem | seem]ſeemseem to yield no Comfort nor Satisfaction to My [distitute | destitute]distitutedestitute
Condition. But this [Encourges | encourages]Encourgesencourages me at this time to make this feeble Attempt, that you are ready to forgive
when you
[ſee | see]ſeesee a true Real and hearty [ſorrow | sorrow]ſorrowsorrow for [there | their]theretheir Misconduct. But how can I make my [ſorrow | sorrow]ſorrowsorrow Credible — which none can Believe, but [thoſe | those]thoſethose that take Notice of me [& | and]&and
[ſee | see]ſeesee it in my [Countinence | countenance]Countinencecountenance which is Sad [day ly | daily]day lydaily — upon the thoughts of my past Behaviour. with how little
Consideration have I [ſpent | spent]ſpentspent my past time little car‐‐ing whether I did any good
or no Either to [myſelf | myself]myſelfmyself or
[any One | anyone]any Oneanyone
[Elſe | Else]ElſeElse. this I am [ſensable | sensible]ſensablesensible that your kind dispositi‐on towards the Indians is very
Great. neither am I [leſs | less]leſsless
[Sinsable | sensible]Sinsablesensible that my [Ungratfull | ungrateful]Ungratfullungrateful, [& | and]&and
[Vitious | vicious]Vitiousvicious Actions
[deſerve | deserve]deſervedeserve Gods, and your highest [Displeaſure | Displeasure]DispleaſureDispleasure: — it [ſeems | seems]ſeemsseems that I am forced to try [illegible]the best
Endeavours in order to get [my ſelf | myself]my ſelfmyself once more under your kind directi‐‐on [tho | though]thothough I Undergo Ever [ſo | so]ſoso much that I Might at last at‐‐tain my End; [tho | though]thothough you [ſentance | sentence]ſentancesentence me to Ever [ſo | so]ſoso
[ſevere | severe]ſeveresevere pu‐nishment, or Even Banish me to the Unknown corner of [ye | the]yethe
world. yet I Believe I will wholly Leave [my ſelf | myself]my ſelfmyself to your
[Intire | entire]Intire entire
[dispoſal | disposal]dispoſaldisposal. had you punished me Ever [ſo | so]ſoso
[ſevere | severe]ſeveresevere and after‐wards, [ſent | sent]ſentsent or Bound me to an [auſtere | austere]auſtereaustere man. I [ſhould | should]ſhouldshould not have been [ſo | so]ſoso Uncomfortable — for then I [ſhould | should]ſhouldshould have been in my duty but now [ſeeme | seem]ſeemeseem to be lost no one to Order or di‐‐rect me, but
wholly trust to giddy chance of fate.
It is neither for want of Improvement, nor for want of good‐living
(for [booth | both]boothboth of [theſe | these]theſethese I have) or of [Induring | enduring]Induringenduring
[hard ſhips | hardships]hard ſhipshardships (for I do live well and [Eaſy | Easy]EaſyEasy as Ever I did during my whole Life) that I want to Return to you, but [Intirely | entirely]Intirelyentirely
[Becauſe | Because]BecauſeBecause I am not in my duty or in the way that God [ Requ^[above] i^ires. | requires] Requ^[above] i^ires.requires
Good God [ſeems | seems]ſeemsseems to be yet [lenghtening | lengthening]lenghteninglengthening out his mercy to me, [tho | though]thothough I have [ſo | so]ſoso openly [Rebeled | Rebelled]RebeledRebelled against Him, and has
[gracious ly | graciously]gracious lygraciously guided my [Doubtfull | doubtful]Doubtfulldoubtful
[ſteps | steps]ſtepssteps and has kept me In good health, and not only that but has this once
more put me under an advantage of gaining [Inſtruction | Instruction]InſtructionInstruction. Here I am Under the Roof of the [ſarvant | servant]ſarvantservant of God, by [whoſe | whose]whoſewhose kind advice, admonition, and precaution, [Reſtrained | Restrained]ReſtrainedRestrained me from [ſeafaring | seafaring]ſeafaringseafaring way which if I [perſued | pursued]perſuedpursued would [Beyound | beyond]Beyoundbeyond
all doubt been the Ruin of me [booth | both]boothboth for time [& | and]&and Eternity. here he has [perſuaded | persuaded]perſuadedpersuaded me to [ſtay | stay]ſtaystay and given me the [Previledg | privilege]Previledgprivilege
of his Library out of which this winter I hope to gain
[Inſtruction | Instruction]InſtructionInstruction. here I am Under great Advantage of [geting | getting]getinggetting
knowledge, [tho | though]thothough far Short of what I could get at your
[houſe | house]houſehouse. where I was as it were [day ly | daily]day lydaily Under the droopings of the Sanctuary. what would I give Even all that I
have or all that my care or Industry [woud | would]woudwould
^[above] would^would gain dCould I Recall
[theſe | these]theſethese fatal hours which which I [conſumed | consumed]conſumedconsumed in [ſenſleſs | senseless]ſenſleſssenseless vanities for now they [Increaſe | Increase]IncreaſeIncrease and Urge my pain and trouble my Rest, Rest I have none in my Mind. I
am [day ly | daily]day lydaily
[Vext | vexed]Vextvexed with [my ſelf | myself]my ſelfmyself for my [wickedneſs | wickedness]wickedneſswickedness I am
[Sensable | sensible]Sensablesensible that I have been guilty of the most heinous Sins which has hurt and wounded
the Redeemers [Cauſe | Cause]CauſeCause and been of great disadvantage to your [ſchool | school]ſchoolschool[org0098.ocp] and dis‐grace to the Religion of Christ. [altho | although]althoalthough great part has been by [thoſe | those]thoſethose who wished me well and had tender Regards for me, Upon my promising a [thurrow | thorough]thurrowthorough
Reformation, has been Concealed. to my [ſorrow | sorrow]ſorrowsorrow and
[ſhame | shame]ſhameshame do I now [Confeſs | Confess]ConfeſsConfess them, once, twice, yea three times have I indulged [my ſelf | myself]my ſelfmyself in Brutish [Eaſe | Ease]EaſeEase whilst in the —
[wilderneſ | wilderness]wilderneſwilderness, first [Accidently | Accidentally]AccidentlyAccidentally and can well [anſwer | answer]anſweranswer for it.
[ſecond | second]ſecondsecond on [purpoſe | purpose]purpoſepurpose perhaps can as well [anſwer | answer]anſweranswer for that, the Third and the Only one ([Beſides | Besides]BeſidesBesides that of the last fall which you have already had an Account of.) was taken
[illegible] Notice of By the Indians which was [Occaſioned | Occasioned]OccaſionedOccasioned by the temptation of the Devil and together with the [Diſtreſses | Distresses]DiſtreſsesDistresses of my mind and [Uneaſsineſs | Uneasiness]UneaſsineſsUneasiness which perhaps you are altogether Ign‐norant of or [any one | anyone]any oneanyone
[Elſe | Else]ElſeElse
[beſides | besides]beſidesbesides the Indians. which by [ye | the]yethe advice of Thomas[pers0643.ocp] I [publickly | publicly]publicklypublicly made [Confeſsion | Confession]ConfeſsionConfession as is their Custom. where they promised as it were to Bury in Oblivion and let things be as if it never happened [ſo | so]ſoso. That of the last fall I can [ſay | say]ſaysay no more than has already been [ſaid | said]ſaidsaid of it.
[Theſe | These]TheſeThese taken in Rank has been my misconduct [& | and]&and Ruin. as well as in many other which are well known to you. I am [ſensable | sensible]ſensablesensible but too late [tis | it is]tisit is no advantage to Cover things, under deceit, as to any more of my Crimes
they have perhaps already
[shewn | shown]shewnshown
[themſelves | themselves]themſelvesthemselves or will [E'er | ever]E'erever long. — Thus have I in few faint words [tryed | tried]tryedtried to Communicate my Thoughts to you, with hopes and [raiſed | raised]raiſedraised Expectations of being [favourd | favoured]favourdfavoured
with an [Anſwer | Answer]AnſwerAnswer. [Tho | though]Thothough I [dont | do not]dontdo not
[deſirve | deserve]deſirvedeserve the least Notice or Regards taken of what I write or [ſay | say]ſaysay. yet this Once grant that my mind may be at [Eaſe | Ease]EaſeEase in [ſome | some]ſomesome
[meaſure | measure]meaſuremeasure Either [ſo | so]ſoso much [Condeſend | Condescend]CondeſendCondescend as to give me a word of [Incourage‐ment | encourage‐ment]Incourage‐mentencourage‐ment. which will [afreſh | afresh]afreſhafresh Revive my Drooping [ſpirits | spirits]ſpiritsspirits and kindle a ^[above] new^new flame of Gratitude in me, in
which way might kind heaven grant I might End my days. But if on the other hand
which I most justly [deſerve | deserve]deſervedeserve, that you would turn a deaf Ear to my humble petition as I did to your
most kind Advices warnings, and Labours of love for my own good and none [Elſe | Else]ElſeElse the Returns of the [ſame | same]ſamesame is what I fear and justly Expect
if this—
if this would Be the Event, I must in [ſilence | silence]ſilencesilence depart, and weep with a Bitter cry as [Eſau | Esau]EſauEsau when he lost his [Bleſsing | Blessing]BleſsingBlessing. Then [ſhould | should]ſhouldshould I in [ſadneſs | sadness]ſadneſssadness
[ſpend | spend]ſpendspend the Remainder of my days, and would kind Heaven grant, that I might be
prepared to die; and then kind‐ly put an End to my [Miſerys | Miseries]MiſerysMiseries. [Hond | honoured]Hondhonoured Sir; Should I [ſay | say]ſaysay that this was from the [Boottom | bottom]Boottombottom of my Heart, perhaps like the [Reſt | Rest]ReſtRest would be full of Deceit, but I [ſhall | shall]ſhallshall no longer trouble you with [th^[above] is^is | this]th^[above] is^isthis
Unhappy Subject. I would just [Enform | inform]Enforminform you that through the [Bound‐leſs | bound‐‐less]Bound‐leſsbound‐‐less
[goodneſs | goodness]goodneſsgoodness of god I have Enjoyed my Unprofitable health, and I hope that God has
Indulged you with your health as [Uſual | Usual]UſualUsual. I am so guilty that I have no heart to write any more only this
whether I [ſhall | shall]ſhallshall be [ſo | so]ſoso happy as to be Indulged with a word of [Incouragement | encouragement]Incouragementencouragement, or [ſo | so]ſoso Unhappy as to [Intirely | entirely]Intirelyentirely be Excluded I humbly Beg that you would [Beſo | Be so]BeſoBe so kind as to [ſend | send]ſendsend me a word of [Anſwer | Answer]AnſwerAnswer Between this and the [ſpring | spring]ſpringspring if you [pleaſe | please]pleaſeplease So as I might be [aſsured | assured]aſsuredassured one way or the other. pardon me if I have wrote [any thing | anything]any thinganything that [ſeem | seem]ſeemseem to have an air of pride for I feel much [otherwiſe | otherwise]otherwiſeotherwise
[diſpoſed | disposed]diſpoſeddisposed. [Theſe | These]TheſeThese few Lines with my best [wiſhes | wishes]wiſheswishes for the [proſperity | prosperity]proſperityprosperity of all your Vast Un
[gap: stain][guess (h-dawnd): der]dertakings I humbly
Recommend to your [wiſe | wise]wiſewise
[Conſideration | Consideration]ConſiderationConsideration and now [ſuffer | suffer]ſuffersuffer me the honour of [ſubſcribing | subscribing]ſubſcribingsubscribing
[myſelf | myself]myſelfmyself
[Closer]
your once humble [ſervant | servant]ſervantservant
[tho | though]thothough more the devils.
[Joſeph | Joseph]JoſephJoseph
[Johnſon | Johnson]JohnſonJohnson[pers0288.ocp]. now living at providence[place0292.ocp] at [Dr | Dr.]DrDr.
[ſamuel | Samuel]ſamuelSamuel Carrews[pers0674.ocp] an
[Inholder | Inn holder]InholderInn holder
[westſide | west side]westſidewest side of the
Great Bridge. —
[Postscript]
[Trailer]
[Jos: | Joseph]Jos:Joseph Johnson[pers0288.ocp]'s
[Dec.r | December]Dec.rDecember 28. 1768[1768-12-28]
To — The Reverend,
[Eleazer | Eleazar]EleazerEleazar Wheelock[pers0036.ocp]
D. D.
Lebanon[place0122.ocp].
Connecticut[place0048.ocp]
[left] [pr | per]prper favour of
[Mr | Mr.]MrMr.
[illegible][guess (h-dawnd): ] [ſalster | salster]ſalstersalster]] [ſalster | salster]ſalstersalster
[pr | per]prper favour of
[Mr | Mr.]MrMr.
[illegible][guess (h-dawnd): ] [ſalster | salster]ſalstersalster]] [ſalster | salster]ſalstersalster
Document Summary
People identified in this document:
id | Text in document | Role in header | Authorized Name |
---|---|---|---|
pers0643.ocp | Thomas | mentioned | Thomas |
pers0288.ocp | Joſeph Joseph Johnſon Johnson | writer | Johnson, Joseph |
pers0674.ocp | ſamuel Samuel Carrews | mentioned | Carrews, Samuel |
pers0036.ocp | Eleazar Wheelock | recipient | Wheelock, Eleazar |
pers0288.ocp | Jos: Joseph Johnson | writer | Johnson, Joseph |
pers0036.ocp | Eleazer Eleazar Wheelock | recipient | Wheelock, Eleazar |
Places identified in this document:
id | Text in document | Authorized Name |
---|---|---|
place0292.ocp | Providence | Providence |
place0292.ocp | providence | Providence |
place0122.ocp | Lebanon | Lebanon |
place0048.ocp | Connecticut | Connecticut |
Organizations identified in this document:
id | Text in document | Authorized Name |
---|---|---|
org0098.ocp | your School | Moor’s Indian Charity School |
org0098.ocp | your ſchoolschool | Moor’s Indian Charity School |
Dates identified in this document:
Standard Form | Text |
---|---|
1768-12-28 | DecembrDecember 28th28th 1768-9 |
1768-12-28 | Dec.rDecember 28. 1768 |
Regularized text:
Type | Original | Regularized |
---|---|---|
modernization | 28th | 28th |
modernization | Revd | Rev. |
modernization | Doct.r | Dr. |
variation | preſumti‐on | presumpti‐‐on |
modernization | Caſe | Case |
modernization | pre‐‐ſent | pres‐ent |
variation | deceitfull | deceitful |
variation | patiance | patience |
modernization | Confeſsion | Confession |
modernization | ſaid | said |
variation | ſhewed | showed |
variation | Deciitfullneſs | Deceitfulness |
variation | pretentions | pretensions |
modernization | ſome | some |
modernization | myſelf | myself |
modernization | ſtand | stand |
modernization | ſo | so |
modernization | aſhamed | ashamed |
variation | Concience | Conscience |
modernization | ſtings | stings |
variation | ſperits | spirits |
modernization | meaſure | measure |
modernization | ſpirits | spirits |
variation | tho | though |
variation | day-ly | daily |
modernization | ſee | see |
modernization | ſtare | stare |
modernization | Cauſes | Causes |
modernization | Courſe | Course |
variation | Every whire | everywhere |
modernization | thoſe | those |
variation | Dis Obedient | disobedient |
variation | Er | ere |
modernization | ſeems | seems |
variation | Tho | though |
variation | lave | leave |
modernization | Circumſtances | Circumstances |
variation | Disſolate | Dissolute |
modernization | Unſteady | Unsteady |
modernization | ſeem | seem |
variation | distitute | destitute |
variation | Encourges | encourages |
modernization | ſorrow | sorrow |
variation | there | their |
variation | Countinence | countenance |
variation | day ly | daily |
modernization | ſpent | spent |
variation | any One | anyone |
modernization | Elſe | Else |
variation | ſensable | sensible |
modernization | leſs | less |
variation | Sinsable | sensible |
variation | Ungratfull | ungrateful |
variation | Vitious | vicious |
modernization | deſerve | deserve |
modernization | Displeaſure | Displeasure |
modernization | my ſelf | myself |
variation | ſentance | sentence |
modernization | ſevere | severe |
modernization | ye | the |
variation | Intire | entire |
modernization | dispoſal | disposal |
modernization | ſent | sent |
modernization | auſtere | austere |
modernization | ſhould | should |
variation | ſeeme | seem |
variation | booth | both |
modernization | theſe | these |
variation | Induring | enduring |
variation | hard ſhips | hardships |
modernization | Eaſy | Easy |
variation | Intirely | entirely |
modernization | Becauſe | Because |
variation | lenghtening | lengthening |
variation | Rebeled | Rebelled |
variation | gracious ly | graciously |
variation | Doubtfull | doubtful |
modernization | ſteps | steps |
modernization | Inſtruction | Instruction |
variation | ſarvant | servant |
modernization | whoſe | whose |
modernization | Reſtrained | Restrained |
modernization | ſeafaring | seafaring |
variation | perſued | pursued |
variation | Beyound | beyond |
modernization | perſuaded | persuaded |
modernization | ſtay | stay |
variation | Previledg | privilege |
variation | geting | getting |
modernization | houſe | house |
variation | woud | would |
modernization | conſumed | consumed |
variation | ſenſleſs | senseless |
modernization | Increaſe | Increase |
variation | Vext | vexed |
modernization | wickedneſs | wickedness |
variation | Sensable | sensible |
modernization | Cauſe | Cause |
modernization | ſchool | school |
variation | altho | although |
variation | thurrow | thorough |
modernization | ſhame | shame |
modernization | Confeſs | Confess |
modernization | Eaſe | Ease |
variation | wilderneſ | wilderness |
variation | Accidently | Accidentally |
modernization | anſwer | answer |
modernization | ſecond | second |
modernization | purpoſe | purpose |
modernization | Beſides | Besides |
modernization | Occaſioned | Occasioned |
modernization | Diſtreſses | Distresses |
modernization | Uneaſsineſs | Uneasiness |
variation | any one | anyone |
modernization | beſides | besides |
variation | publickly | publicly |
modernization | ſay | say |
modernization | Theſe | These |
variation | shewn | shown |
modernization | themſelves | themselves |
variation | tryed | tried |
modernization | raiſed | raised |
modernization | Anſwer | Answer |
variation | deſirve | deserve |
variation | Condeſend | Condescend |
variation | Incourage‐ment | encourage‐ment |
modernization | afreſh | afresh |
modernization | ſame | same |
modernization | ſilence | silence |
modernization | Eſau | Esau |
modernization | Bleſsing | Blessing |
modernization | ſadneſs | sadness |
modernization | ſpend | spend |
variation | Miſerys | Miseries |
variation | Boottom | bottom |
modernization | Reſt | Rest |
modernization | ſhall | shall |
variation | Enform | inform |
modernization | Bound‐leſs | bound‐‐less |
modernization | goodneſs | goodness |
modernization | Uſual | Usual |
variation | Incouragement | encouragement |
variation | Beſo | Be so |
modernization | ſend | send |
modernization | ſpring | spring |
modernization | pleaſe | please |
modernization | aſsured | assured |
variation | any thing | anything |
modernization | otherwiſe | otherwise |
modernization | diſpoſed | disposed |
modernization | wiſhes | wishes |
modernization | proſperity | prosperity |
modernization | wiſe | wise |
modernization | Conſideration | Consideration |
modernization | ſuffer | suffer |
modernization | ſubſcribing | subscribing |
modernization | ſervant | servant |
modernization | Joſeph | Joseph |
modernization | Johnſon | Johnson |
modernization | Dr | Dr. |
modernization | ſamuel | Samuel |
variation | Inholder | Inn holder |
variation | westſide | west side |
modernization | Doctr | Dr. |
variation | Eleazer | Eleazar |
modernization | Mr | Mr. |
modernization | ſalster | salster |
Expanded abbreviations:
Abbreviation | Expansion |
---|---|
Decembr | December |
& | and |
hond | honoured |
Requ^[above] i^ires. | requires |
tis | it is |
E'er | ever |
favourd | favoured |
dont | do not |
Hond | honoured |
th^[above] is^is | this |
Jos: | Joseph |
Dec.r | December |
pr | per |
This document's header does not contain any mixed case attribute values.
Summary of errors found in this document:
Number of dates with invalid 'when' attributes: | 0 |
Number of nested "hi" tags: (consider merging the @rend attributes, or using other tags) | 1 |
Number of tags with invalid 'rend' attributes: | 0 (out of 22) |
Number of people/places/organizations with unknown keys: | 0 (out of 12) |
Number of "add" tags with unknown 'place' attributes: | 0 (out of 5) |
Mixed case attribute values in header (potential error): | 0 (out of 96) |