Joseph Johnson, letter, to Eleazar Wheelock, 1768 December 28

Author Johnson, Joseph[pers0288.ocp]

28 December 1768[1768-12-28]

Call Number768678.2

[note (type: abstract): Johnson writes a long and melancholy letter confessing his sins and failures, and asking forgiveness.][note (type: handwriting): Handwriting is small and somewhat uneven, but mostly clear and legible. The trailer is in an unknown hand.][note (type: paper): There are two separate sheets of paper: a large sheet folded in half to make four pages, and a large single sheet. The former is in good condition, with light staining, creasing and wear. The latter is also in good condition, but with more wear along the creases and some preservation work.][note (type: ink): Black-brown ink is slightly faded in spots.]
Persistent Identifier
[Opener]
[Revd | Rev.]RevdRev. and Ever honoured [Doct.r | Dr.]Doct.rDr.
forgive me for my Repeated [preſumti
‐on | presumpti‐
‐on]
preſumti
‐on
presumpti‐
‐on
in Writing to you; But this once more give me leave to
acquaint you my Once kind Benefactor, the [Caſe | Case]CaſeCase I at [pre‐
‐ſent | pres‐
ent]
pre‐
‐ſent
pres‐
ent
am in; But as I have So often been found [deceitfull | deceitful]deceitfulldeceitful,
I know not as you will have [patiance | patience]patiancepatience to Read over this
my pretended [Confeſsion | Confession]ConfeſsionConfession, as I [ſaid | said]ſaidsaid, Seeing I have [ſhewed | showed]ſhewedshowed
So much [Deciitfullneſs | Deceitfulness]DeciitfullneſsDeceitfulness in my [pretentions | pretensions]pretentionspretensions, [& | and]&and Undertak
ings, Since I have been Capable of being Improved
in [ſome | some]ſomesome good way; But for Grant,— Which way, to Betake
[myſelf | myself]myſelfmyself — I know not, I am at a [ſtand | stand]ſtandstand. [hond | honoured]hondhonoured Sir; to retu‐
‐rn to you whom I have [ſo | so]ſoso greatly grieved, I dare not;
I am [aſhamed | ashamed]aſhamedashamed, [& | and]&and [Concience | Conscience]ConcienceConscience [ſtings | stings]ſtingsstings me to the very heart;
I am Sorry; my [ſperits | spirits]ſperitsspirits cast down, Methinks, I feel in
Some [meaſure | measure]meaſuremeasure the down Cast [ſpirits | spirits]ſpiritsspirits of Cain when
he received his curse; but no Equal to his; [tho | though]thothough my —
Crimes are more than Equal, the thoughts of your
School[org0098.ocp]
haunts my mind [day-ly | daily]day-lydaily, and to turn my face
that way I dare not, I [ſee | see]ſeesee nothing but my Actions
in the deepest dye of Ingratitude [ſtare | stare]ſtarestare me in the face
which [Cauſes | Causes]CauſesCauses my heart to faint Under the thoughts
of Returning; but what [Courſe | Course]CourſeCourse to take, I know that
god is [Every whire | everywhere]Every whireeverywhere, and is Acquainted with Actions
past. and will punish without Mercy [thoſe | those]thoſethose that
Be [Dis Obedient | disobedient]Dis Obedientdisobedient to his Laws, and Commandment
[Er | ere]Erere long. — — —
But how, it [ſeems | seems]ſeemsseems as if there was [ſome | some]ſomesome probability, [ſome | some]ſomesome
glimpse of hope yet, Some way of Being Recovered from this
Unhappy State. [Tho | though]Thothough at other times all hopes Vanish
and [lave | leave]laveleave me Under the Unfortunate [Circumſtances | Circumstances]CircumſtancesCircumstances of a
[Disſolate | Dissolute]DisſolateDissolute mind, which Roams at large with an [Unſteady | Unsteady]UnſteadyUnsteady
temper. Once this [Courſe | Course]CourſeCourse of Life, at another that, but all
[ſeem | seem]ſeemseem to yield no Comfort nor Satisfaction to My [distitute | destitute]distitutedestitute
Condition. But this [Encourges | encourages]Encourgesencourages me at this time to make
this feeble Attempt, that you are ready to forgive when you
[ſee | see]ſeesee a true Real and hearty [ſorrow | sorrow]ſorrowsorrow for [there | their]theretheir Misconduct.
But how can I make my [ſorrow | sorrow]ſorrowsorrow Credible — which
none can Believe, but [thoſe | those]thoſethose that take Notice of me [& | and]&and
[ſee | see]ſeesee it in my [Countinence | countenance]Countinencecountenance which is Sad [day ly | daily]day lydaily — upon
the thoughts of my past Behaviour. with how little
Consideration have I [ſpent | spent]ſpentspent my past time little car‐
‐ing whether I did any good or no Either to [myſelf | myself]myſelfmyself or
[any One | anyone]any Oneanyone [Elſe | Else]ElſeElse. this I am [ſensable | sensible]ſensablesensible that your kind dispositi
‐on towards the Indians is very Great. neither am
I [leſs | less]leſsless [Sinsable | sensible]Sinsablesensible that my [Ungratfull | ungrateful]Ungratfullungrateful, [& | and]&and [Vitious | vicious]Vitiousvicious Actions
[deſerve | deserve]deſervedeserve Gods, and your highest [Displeaſure | Displeasure]DispleaſureDispleasure: —
it [ſeems | seems]ſeemsseems that I am forced to try [illegible]the best Endeavours
in order to get [my ſelf | myself]my ſelfmyself once more under your kind directi‐
‐on [tho | though]thothough I Undergo Ever [ſo | so]ſoso much that I Might at last at‐
‐tain my End; [tho | though]thothough you [ſentance | sentence]ſentancesentence me to Ever [ſo | so]ſoso [ſevere | severe]ſeveresevere pu
‐nishment, or Even Banish me to the Unknown corner of [ye | the]yethe
world. yet I Believe I will wholly Leave [my ſelf | myself]my ſelfmyself to your
[Intire | entire]Intire entire [dispoſal | disposal]dispoſaldisposal. had you punished me Ever [ſo | so]ſoso [ſevere | severe]ſeveresevere and after
‐wards, [ſent | sent]ſentsent or Bound me to an [auſtere | austere]auſtereaustere man. I [ſhould | should]ſhouldshould not
have been [ſo | so]ſoso Uncomfortable — for then I [ſhould | should]ſhouldshould have been
in my duty but now [ſeeme | seem]ſeemeseem to be lost no one to Order or di‐
‐rect me, but wholly trust to giddy chance of fate.
It is neither for want of Improvement, nor for want of good‐
living (for [booth | both]boothboth of [theſe | these]theſethese I have) or of [Induring | enduring]Induringenduring [hard ſhips | hardships]hard ſhipshardships (for I do
live well and [Eaſy | Easy]EaſyEasy as Ever I did during my whole Life) that I
want to Return to you, but [Intirely | entirely]Intirelyentirely [Becauſe | Because]BecauſeBecause I am not in
my duty or in the way that God [ Requ[above] iires. | requires] Requ[above] iires.requires
Good God [ſeems | seems]ſeemsseems to be yet [lenghtening | lengthening]lenghteninglengthening out his mercy to
me, [tho | though]thothough I have [ſo | so]ſoso openly [Rebeled | Rebelled]RebeledRebelled against Him, and has
[gracious ly | graciously]gracious lygraciously guided my [Doubtfull | doubtful]Doubtfulldoubtful [ſteps | steps]ſtepssteps and has kept me
In good health, and not only that but has this once more
put me under an advantage of gaining [Inſtruction | Instruction]InſtructionInstruction.
Here I am Under the Roof of the [ſarvant | servant]ſarvantservant of God, by [whoſe | whose]whoſewhose
kind advice, admonition, and precaution, [Reſtrained | Restrained]ReſtrainedRestrained me
from [ſeafaring | seafaring]ſeafaringseafaring way which if I [perſued | pursued]perſuedpursued would [Beyound | beyond]Beyoundbeyond
all doubt been the Ruin of me [booth | both]boothboth for time [& | and]&and Eternity.
here he has [perſuaded | persuaded]perſuadedpersuaded me to [ſtay | stay]ſtaystay and given me the [Previledg | privilege]Previledgprivilege
of his Library out of which this winter I hope to gain
[Inſtruction | Instruction]InſtructionInstruction. here I am Under great Advantage of [geting | getting]getinggetting
knowledge, [tho | though]thothough far Short of what I could get at your
[houſe | house]houſehouse. where I was as it were [day ly | daily]day lydaily Under the droopings
of the Sanctuary. what would I give Even all that I have
or all that my care or Industry [woud | would]woudwould [above] wouldwould gain dCould I Recall
[theſe | these]theſethese fatal hours which which I [conſumed | consumed]conſumedconsumed in [ſenſleſs | senseless]ſenſleſssenseless
vanities for now they [Increaſe | Increase]IncreaſeIncrease and Urge my pain and
trouble my Rest, Rest I have none in my Mind. I
am [day ly | daily]day lydaily [Vext | vexed]Vextvexed with [my ſelf | myself]my ſelfmyself for my [wickedneſs | wickedness]wickedneſswickedness I am
[Sensable | sensible]Sensablesensible that I have been guilty of the most heinous
Sins which has hurt and wounded the Redeemers [Cauſe | Cause]CauſeCause
and been of great disadvantage to your [ſchool | school]ſchoolschool[org0098.ocp] and dis‐
grace to the Religion of Christ. [altho | although]althoalthough great part has
been by [thoſe | those]thoſethose who wished me well and had tender
Regards for me, Upon my promising a [thurrow | thorough]thurrowthorough
Reformation, has been Concealed. to my [ſorrow | sorrow]ſorrowsorrow and
[ſhame | shame]ſhameshame do I now [Confeſs | Confess]ConfeſsConfess them, once, twice, yea three times
have I indulged [my ſelf | myself]my ſelfmyself in Brutish [Eaſe | Ease]EaſeEase whilst in the —
[wilderneſ | wilderness]wilderneſwilderness, first [Accidently | Accidentally]AccidentlyAccidentally and can well [anſwer | answer]anſweranswer for it.
[ſecond | second]ſecondsecond on [purpoſe | purpose]purpoſepurpose perhaps can as well [anſwer | answer]anſweranswer for that,
the Third and the Only one ([Beſides | Besides]BeſidesBesides that of the last fall
which you have already had an Account of.) was taken [illegible]
Notice of By the Indians which was [Occaſioned | Occasioned]OccaſionedOccasioned by the
temptation of the Devil and together with the [Diſtreſses | Distresses]DiſtreſsesDistresses of my
mind and [Uneaſsineſs | Uneasiness]UneaſsineſsUneasiness which perhaps you are altogether Ign
‐norant of or [any one | anyone]any oneanyone [Elſe | Else]ElſeElse [beſides | besides]beſidesbesides the Indians. which by [ye | the]yethe
advice of Thomas[pers0643.ocp] I [publickly | publicly]publicklypublicly made [Confeſsion | Confession]ConfeſsionConfession as is their
Custom. where they promised as it were to Bury in Oblivion
and let things be as if it never happened [ſo | so]ſoso. That of the last
fall I can [ſay | say]ſaysay no more than has already been [ſaid | said]ſaidsaid of it.
[Theſe | These]TheſeThese taken in Rank has been my misconduct [& | and]&and Ruin.
as well as in many other which are well known to you.
I am [ſensable | sensible]ſensablesensible but too late [tis | it is]tisit is no advantage to Cover things, under
deceit, as to any more of my Crimes they have perhaps already
[shewn | shown]shewnshown [themſelves | themselves]themſelvesthemselves or will [E'er | ever]E'erever long. — Thus have I in
few faint words [tryed | tried]tryedtried to Communicate my Thoughts to
you, with hopes and [raiſed | raised]raiſedraised Expectations of being [favourd | favoured]favourdfavoured
with an [Anſwer | Answer]AnſwerAnswer. [Tho | though]Thothough I [dont | do not]dontdo not [deſirve | deserve]deſirvedeserve the least Notice or
Regards taken of what I write or [ſay | say]ſaysay. yet this Once
grant that my mind may be at [Eaſe | Ease]EaſeEase in [ſome | some]ſomesome [meaſure | measure]meaſuremeasure
Either [ſo | so]ſoso much [Condeſend | Condescend]CondeſendCondescend as to give me a word of [Incourage
‐ment | encourage‐
ment]
Incourage
‐ment
encourage‐
ment
. which will [afreſh | afresh]afreſhafresh Revive my Drooping [ſpirits | spirits]ſpiritsspirits
and kindle a [above] newnew flame of Gratitude in me, in which way
might kind heaven grant I might End my days.
But if on the other hand which I most justly [deſerve | deserve]deſervedeserve, that
you would turn a deaf Ear to my humble petition as I did
to your most kind Advices warnings, and Labours of love
for my own good and none [Elſe | Else]ElſeElse the Returns of the [ſame | same]ſamesame
is what I fear and justly Expect
 if this—
if this would Be the Event, I must in [ſilence | silence]ſilencesilence depart, and weep with
a Bitter cry as [Eſau | Esau]EſauEsau when he lost his [Bleſsing | Blessing]BleſsingBlessing. Then [ſhould | should]ſhouldshould I
in [ſadneſs | sadness]ſadneſssadness [ſpend | spend]ſpendspend the Remainder of my days, and would kind
Heaven grant, that I might be prepared to die; and then kind
‐ly put an End to my [Miſerys | Miseries]MiſerysMiseries. [Hond | honoured]Hondhonoured Sir; Should I [ſay | say]ſaysay that
this was from the [Boottom | bottom]Boottombottom of my Heart, perhaps like the [Reſt | Rest]ReſtRest
would be full of Deceit, but I [ſhall | shall]ſhallshall no longer trouble you with [th[above] isis | this]th[above] isisthis
Unhappy Subject. I would just [Enform | inform]Enforminform you that through the [Bound
‐leſs | bound‐
‐less]
Bound
‐leſs
bound‐
‐less
[goodneſs | goodness]goodneſsgoodness of god I have Enjoyed my Unprofitable health, and
I hope that God has Indulged you with your health as [Uſual | Usual]UſualUsual.
I am so guilty that I have no heart to write any more only
this whether I [ſhall | shall]ſhallshall be [ſo | so]ſoso happy as to be Indulged with a word
of [Incouragement | encouragement]Incouragementencouragement, or [ſo | so]ſoso Unhappy as to [Intirely | entirely]Intirelyentirely be Excluded I humbly
Beg that you would [Beſo | Be so]BeſoBe so kind as to [ſend | send]ſendsend me a word of [Anſwer | Answer]AnſwerAnswer
Between this and the [ſpring | spring]ſpringspring if you [pleaſe | please]pleaſeplease So as I might be [aſsured | assured]aſsuredassured
one way or the other. pardon me if I have wrote [any thing | anything]any thinganything that [ſeem | seem]ſeemseem to
have an air of pride for I feel much [otherwiſe | otherwise]otherwiſeotherwise [diſpoſed | disposed]diſpoſeddisposed. [Theſe | These]TheſeThese few
Lines with my best [wiſhes | wishes]wiſheswishes for the [proſperity | prosperity]proſperityprosperity of all your Vast Un
[gap: stain][guess (h-dawnd): der]dertakings I humbly Recommend to your [wiſe | wise]wiſewise [Conſideration | Consideration]ConſiderationConsideration
and now [ſuffer | suffer]ſuffersuffer me the honour of [ſubſcribing | subscribing]ſubſcribingsubscribing [myſelf | myself]myſelfmyself

[Closer]
your
once humble [ſervant | servant]ſervantservant [tho | though]thothough more the devils.

[Joſeph | Joseph]JoſephJoseph [Johnſon | Johnson]JohnſonJohnson[pers0288.ocp].
now living at providence[place0292.ocp]
at [Dr | Dr.]DrDr. [ſamuel | Samuel]ſamuelSamuel Carrews[pers0674.ocp] an
[Inholder | Inn holder]InholderInn holder [westſide | west side]westſidewest side of the
Great Bridge. —
[Postscript]
To —
the [Revd | Rev.]RevdRev. [Doctr | Dr.]DoctrDr.
Eleazar Wheelock[pers0036.ocp].
[Trailer]
[Jos: | Joseph]Jos:Joseph Johnson[pers0288.ocp]'s
[Dec.r | December]Dec.rDecember 28. 1768[1768-12-28]

To —
The Reverend,
[Eleazer | Eleazar]EleazerEleazar Wheelock[pers0036.ocp]
D. D.
Lebanon[place0122.ocp].

Connecticut[place0048.ocp]

[left] [pr | per]prper favour of
[Mr | Mr.]MrMr. [illegible][guess (h-dawnd): ] [ſalster | salster]ſalstersalster]] [ſalster | salster]ſalstersalster
[pr | per]prper favour of
[Mr | Mr.]MrMr. [illegible][guess (h-dawnd): ] [ſalster | salster]ſalstersalster]] [ſalster | salster]ſalstersalster
Document Summary

People identified in this document:

id Text in document Role in header Authorized Name
pers0643.ocp Thomas mentioned Thomas
pers0288.ocp Joſeph Joseph Johnſon Johnson writer Johnson, Joseph
pers0674.ocp ſamuel Samuel Carrews mentioned Carrews, Samuel
pers0036.ocp Eleazar Wheelock recipient Wheelock, Eleazar
pers0288.ocp Jos: Joseph Johnson writer Johnson, Joseph
pers0036.ocp Eleazer Eleazar Wheelock recipient Wheelock, Eleazar

Places identified in this document:

id Text in document Authorized Name
place0292.ocp Providence Providence
place0292.ocp providence Providence
place0122.ocp Lebanon Lebanon
place0048.ocp Connecticut Connecticut

Organizations identified in this document:

id Text in document Authorized Name
org0098.ocp your School Moor’s Indian Charity School
org0098.ocp your ſchoolschool Moor’s Indian Charity School

Dates identified in this document:

Standard Form Text
1768-12-28 DecembrDecember 28th28th 1768-9
1768-12-28 Dec.rDecember 28. 1768

Regularized text:

Type Original Regularized
modernization 28th 28th
modernization Revd Rev.
modernization Doct.r Dr.
variation preſumti
‐on
presumpti‐
‐on
modernization Caſe Case
modernization pre‐
‐ſent
pres‐
ent
variation deceitfull deceitful
variation patiance patience
modernization Confeſsion Confession
modernization ſaid said
variation ſhewed showed
variation Deciitfullneſs Deceitfulness
variation pretentions pretensions
modernization ſome some
modernization myſelf myself
modernization ſtand stand
modernization ſo so
modernization aſhamed ashamed
variation Concience Conscience
modernization ſtings stings
variation ſperits spirits
modernization meaſure measure
modernization ſpirits spirits
variation tho though
variation day-ly daily
modernization ſee see
modernization ſtare stare
modernization Cauſes Causes
modernization Courſe Course
variation Every whire everywhere
modernization thoſe those
variation Dis Obedient disobedient
variation Er ere
modernization ſeems seems
variation Tho though
variation lave leave
modernization Circumſtances Circumstances
variation Disſolate Dissolute
modernization Unſteady Unsteady
modernization ſeem seem
variation distitute destitute
variation Encourges encourages
modernization ſorrow sorrow
variation there their
variation Countinence countenance
variation day ly daily
modernization ſpent spent
variation any One anyone
modernization Elſe Else
variation ſensable sensible
modernization leſs less
variation Sinsable sensible
variation Ungratfull ungrateful
variation Vitious vicious
modernization deſerve deserve
modernization Displeaſure Displeasure
modernization my ſelf myself
variation ſentance sentence
modernization ſevere severe
modernization ye the
variation Intire entire
modernization dispoſal disposal
modernization ſent sent
modernization auſtere austere
modernization ſhould should
variation ſeeme seem
variation booth both
modernization theſe these
variation Induring enduring
variation hard ſhips hardships
modernization Eaſy Easy
variation Intirely entirely
modernization Becauſe Because
variation lenghtening lengthening
variation Rebeled Rebelled
variation gracious ly graciously
variation Doubtfull doubtful
modernization ſteps steps
modernization Inſtruction Instruction
variation ſarvant servant
modernization whoſe whose
modernization Reſtrained Restrained
modernization ſeafaring seafaring
variation perſued pursued
variation Beyound beyond
modernization perſuaded persuaded
modernization ſtay stay
variation Previledg privilege
variation geting getting
modernization houſe house
variation woud would
modernization conſumed consumed
variation ſenſleſs senseless
modernization Increaſe Increase
variation Vext vexed
modernization wickedneſs wickedness
variation Sensable sensible
modernization Cauſe Cause
modernization ſchool school
variation altho although
variation thurrow thorough
modernization ſhame shame
modernization Confeſs Confess
modernization Eaſe Ease
variation wilderneſ wilderness
variation Accidently Accidentally
modernization anſwer answer
modernization ſecond second
modernization purpoſe purpose
modernization Beſides Besides
modernization Occaſioned Occasioned
modernization Diſtreſses Distresses
modernization Uneaſsineſs Uneasiness
variation any one anyone
modernization beſides besides
variation publickly publicly
modernization ſay say
modernization Theſe These
variation shewn shown
modernization themſelves themselves
variation tryed tried
modernization raiſed raised
modernization Anſwer Answer
variation deſirve deserve
variation Condeſend Condescend
variation Incourage
‐ment
encourage‐
ment
modernization afreſh afresh
modernization ſame same
modernization ſilence silence
modernization Eſau Esau
modernization Bleſsing Blessing
modernization ſadneſs sadness
modernization ſpend spend
variation Miſerys Miseries
variation Boottom bottom
modernization Reſt Rest
modernization ſhall shall
variation Enform inform
modernization Bound
‐leſs
bound‐
‐less
modernization goodneſs goodness
modernization Uſual Usual
variation Incouragement encouragement
variation Beſo Be so
modernization ſend send
modernization ſpring spring
modernization pleaſe please
modernization aſsured assured
variation any thing anything
modernization otherwiſe otherwise
modernization diſpoſed disposed
modernization wiſhes wishes
modernization proſperity prosperity
modernization wiſe wise
modernization Conſideration Consideration
modernization ſuffer suffer
modernization ſubſcribing subscribing
modernization ſervant servant
modernization Joſeph Joseph
modernization Johnſon Johnson
modernization Dr Dr.
modernization ſamuel Samuel
variation Inholder Inn holder
variation westſide west side
modernization Doctr Dr.
variation Eleazer Eleazar
modernization Mr Mr.
modernization ſalster salster

Expanded abbreviations:

Abbreviation Expansion
Decembr December
& and
hond honoured
Requ[above] iires. requires
tis it is
E'er ever
favourd favoured
dont do not
Hond honoured
th[above] isis this
Jos: Joseph
Dec.r December
pr per

This document's header does not contain any mixed case attribute values.

Summary of errors found in this document:

Number of dates with invalid 'when' attributes: 0
Number of nested "hi" tags: (consider merging the @rend attributes, or using other tags) 1
Number of tags with invalid 'rend' attributes: 0 (out of 22)
Number of people/places/organizations with unknown keys: 0 (out of 12)
Number of "add" tags with unknown 'place' attributes: 0 (out of 5)
Mixed case attribute values in header (potential error): 0 (out of 96)