I suppose you have received my
presumptuous Letter; Which I believe has given
you much Sorrow and Trouble of Mind. — For I was in
a
very bad frame of Mind; occasioned by
Mr. Kirtlands
resuming too much of greatness before Company
he appeared to me, that he wanted to
show what
great man he was that he could order us about
where and how he pleased; this soon
stuck in
my Crop; and at this time
Mr. Kirtland had
Letters come to hand and none for me; this increased my
anger, and in the midst of my passion I wrote
your Letter I indeed wrote whatsoever come
out first; I hardly know what. I was writing
about, nor can I now tell what I wrote,
for
as soon as I finished writing I seal it up —
but I remember some
harsh Word in it. —
—For which base and haughty expres
sions to you. I do now in sincerity
ask
forgiveness
for I acknowledge I spoke very ungratefully
and improperly to a Benefactor, yea more a Fa
ther who has been at so much Trouble for me to
fit me to be useful in the World. again I say,
I ask your forgiveness I hope you will not take
hard no longer. — I don't now think myself to
be worthy of your Notice, I wonder you did
not turn me out of
the School — I now
beg a Favour of you
which will Afford me
Comfort and ease, which, is this, whensoever
you write to
Mr. Kirtland charge him
not mention one Syllable of to me, for
cuts
me very much: though I see
myself a mean
and worthless Fellow and yet I am such
foolish Creature as to trouble
myself when others receive a Letter
I speak
calmly and sincerely not in ruf
fle — Another Favour for
Mr. Kirtlands
Comfort, which is this. Dont try to give him
so much Authority as that he would per
suade or take upon himself to govern me or
order me about. as soon as he try to do that
he wont be so comfortable here; for he cant
order me, nor no
missionary that shall come
into these Parts. As I am an instructor
I am able to act for myself. without having
a master over me etc.
I am well and contented,
Hannah
also is well only she has some
small
turns of illness which Women of her Condition
are apt to have — I suppose
she will like
ly have a trial of pain in June, —