My kind, and Honored Benefactor, with love and gratitude in my heart,
and much
humility would I once more attempt to write to your worthy
Person. O! the Wounds that
I have given to that pious Soul of thine,
oft of late have I shed tears, when I considered of my past Ingratitude
and misconduct. Oft have I thought of your unwearied labours of love
to unworthy me. — And O' that thy love, this very
time might truly
cause me to praise God, who not only ruleth in the Armies of
heaven,
but also doeth his will, and pleasure among the Inhabitants of this
lower world. Ah' what sorrow ought to flow from this once Savage
Heart of mine that I
have not only grieved you, but that I have in
times past crucified as it were, the
Lord of Glory, even the Son of God,
afresh and put him to an open shame, Great
Wonder! even marve‐
‐lous in my Eyes, or rather the admiration
of my soul that I, a hell
deserving cursed Creature has been suffered to live in this world so long
Sinning, offending, and provoking the God
of holiness, and the God
of justice, and the God of vengeance, and what is the joy of my Soul the
God of love, and the God of mercy,
through his dearly beloved and only
begotten Son, the Lord Jesus Christ, who is
admired by all them that
believe, and in whom I humbly hope, I have been enabled by
the
Spirit of the living God, to put my whole trust and Confidence, for time
and for Eternity. O! that I might see more and more of
my own wret‐
chedness, and insufficiency, that Jesus Christ might be more and
more
precious to my Soul, oh' I am nothing, should I have the boldness
to tell you, that I am hopefully converted, I should tell a news that I am
not certain of. For since I first thought so myself,
I have often doub
‐ted. I perceive Sin to be lurking within, sometimes, I greatly fear
that
I am altogether in my Sins, even under the power and Dominion of
of Sin, if
so I am wretched wretched poor miserable creature still, not‐
‐withstanding the world calls me blessed, notwithstanding I pass
for a true Christian among all sets, and Denominations, as it were —
I have but very poor Opinion of
myself, and I walk in fear always
having these words, ever dwelling upon my mind.
Strive to enter in
at the straight Gate; for many I say unto you will seek to enter in. and
shall not be able. But amidst all my doubts and Fears this verse is
my consolation. All that the Father giveth me shall come to
me, and him that cometh to
me. I will in no wise cast out. Then
are the words of Jesus, whom I love, and whom I
adore, and whom
I purpose to serve as I shall be enabled, by that
holy spirit
by which I humbly hope I have been quickened, and enlivened
through the Sufferings and Death of this Jesus Christ,
who
was once Crucified, and slain, and buried, also, who arose from the
Grave
and ascended up into Glory, and who is now interceding for
all his chosen in that upper world of Glory, I say through Jesus
Christ alone, I humbly hope for pardon, for all my Great, many,
and exceedingly aggravated Sins, which are past. Which I have
already committed, And for the sake of
this Jesus Christ alone,
who
who came to save his peculiar people from
their Sins, I humbly hope
for Grace sufficient for me. that I may hence forward withstand all the
Temptations that I have to encounter throughout my whole Life,
which
may arise either from the world, flesh or from the D
[illegible][guess: e]vil. — O! my kind
and worthy Benefactor, I perceive that I am in a large Field, and see as
it were, Enemies Malicious and powerful, in a terrible array. Shall Sa‐
‐tan be conquered? ah methinks, that he is already but a conquered King.
shall sin be subdued, and shall vile affections and cursed Lusts be
mor‐
‐tified, ah my Soul wait patiently, and you shall see
the great salvation
of God. I perceive, that since I have listed under the Banner of Jesus
Christ, that
I must not be idle, but go out and fight as it were the Battles of
the
Lord, and O! that I could ever fight with true Love in
my heart, and O! that
I might ever be inspired with Wisdom from on
high, even from the glorious
Captain of our Salvation that I might wisely undermine
the Kingdom
of Satan. This is my hearts desire that Satan's
Kingdom might be destroyed,
and that the Kingdom of the dear Redeemer be built upon the ruins thereof
And
it is the full purpose of my heart, O! my Benevolent Benefactor, to
devote all the
faculties of my Soul and Body to the Service of King Jesus.
I have served Satan long enough, I have
been striving to build his cursed
Kingdom, devoted to ruin long enough I have done
good service to that
Prince of Darkness. And since I have seen his treachery, his cursed de‐
‐signs I must leave him. I flee away from him and he is welcome to
all my
Wages, let him recieve the wrath of God, since no Saviour was
ever found for him. But
as for me I'll cheerfully speak of a once crucified,
once bleeding, once
dying once buried, but now risen, living and exalted Redeemer.
Him I will
serve if he gives me grace while I live, faithfully. here on
Earth I hope to glorify
God Honor Jesus Christ by the assistance of
the holy Ghost and hearafter enjoy Father, Son and holy Ghost which
will complete my happiness, and the happiness of all true Chil‐
‐dren — But my kind
benefactor, having already wrote more than
I expected when I first sat down, will you though be pleased to wait with patience
a little Longer, while I write, or make known
to you, or while
I speak of other things
— Rev. Sir I heartily thank you for your
kind letter, dated
February 4 AD 1774 and I also hope, that Satan will at
Last be
fully disappointed, and may the Lord's will be done concerning me.
If
God sees fit to make me a vessel for the Master's service Amen.
If only a vessel of mercy Glory be given to God, and I heartily rejoice
that the Lord has prospered you, in your laudable Undertaking in
that part of the World, And Rev. Sir methinks, that it is not for
the want of Gratitude, or love, that I
have not visited you, my kind
Benefactor. but to speak the truth it is Poverty. I
alway; have been
poor, as all my Brethren are likewise, yet I have lived somehow
hitherto. And Rev. Sir perhaps I can give good reason for my Poverty,
I would tell you in the
first place that I have kept School, here, at
Farmington since
November
15th 1772. first ten weeks, I had six pounds
this ten weeks I was as it were upon trial. afterwards I went to
Boston being well recommended by the
Rev.
Mr. Pitkin, who is my kind
and
wise overseer, and when I was at
Boston the
Gentlemen, was
pleased to give or offer £20 per Annum for my Encouragement. I
thought it too little wages. but I concluded,
saying, I would go
to
Farmington and see
what more the Indians would give,
and if they give me proper Encouragement, I would
continue
keeping the School. the Indians after I saw them offered four
pounds
more which made 24 £ per Annum So I have kept and
so keep still, well I believe I could Live very
comfortably with
£24 per Annum if I spent my Money only for myself. but now I am
going to the you the Reason of my Poverty. I have been
seeking
the good of my poor Indian Brethren, for this some time, for
the good of
the Indians in particular that Live in these seven
Towns —
Farmington,
Niantic,
Mohegan,
Pequt or
[illegible][guess: Groton] —
Stonington,
Narragansett
and
Montauk and notwithstanding I
am Master of a School yet I have traveled much in the run of
one year I have ever
hired another Master in my room whilst
I was absent I have been the foremost all
along even to this
Day. I have been to the Honourable
Sir William Johnson twice. once in
October 1773 and again in
January 1774 at that time I went, even to the
Oneida
Village where the Rev.
Mr.
Kirkland preaches — And I have
the pleasure to tell you that his
Honor
Sir William is well pleased
with the grand design which I have in my view, and his Ho‐
‐nor
Sir William has favoured us
New England Indians very high‐
‐ly and he has done us much good, we have as much Land
as we
shall want, given to us
New England Indians by the
Oneidas and we have had invitations from Nations 600 Miles back of
Sir
William it is strange to me that we meet with such good
success I humbly
hope there is Providence in this, and O! what a pleasing
prospect, sometimes opens to my View, who knows what is
in the Womb of Providence.
but what I am after to tell you,
that in all my travels up and down the Country, I
have
been at my own Expense, which is owing
to the great po‐
‐verty of the Indians, I have received only 3 Dollars from the Indians since I
have been
in this service. But I blame them not, for Indians
are truly poor, I have been at
great expense sometimes, espe‐
‐cially last winter I was gone six
Weeks hired a Master
all the Time, and when I came down from
Oneida, after I had
tarried there Eight days there was several of
the great men,
Lords, and warriors came down to
Sir William's with
me, in order
to confirm their words at
Sir
William's for said they there is the only
place to have all things done
well, strong and sure. there was
twelve that came
down with me, and I bore all their expenses
even to
Sir William's or 'til we got to
Sir William's and I believe
it
is about 100 Miles. So have I spent my Money and this is it what
makes me now
so poor, that I have not one penny Clear. no, I am
now in debt, for provision and
little clothes, and I can't come up
to you very soon, or at least 'til I can get money to pay my debts,
and bear my expenses to your Residence. I want to see you very
much
much once more. I must go up to
Sir William's again in
September the first part I dont know how I shall go through all what
is
before me, unless kind Providence doth provide for my necessities un‐
expectedly, I know not where to go for help if you my
kind Benefator was
nigh I verily believe you would relieve me greatly and even Encourage me
but I end leaning upon the Lord