I would once more attempt to
write to you my honoured Benefactor; notwithstanding I find
my mind so discomposed, it is as if there was no solidness in my
mind, sometimes Encouraged, and at other time disheartened; So that
I cant be resolute in what I do. at present things look dark—
They all wear a garment of discouragement, but I hope that
Before long Some will change their present garment, and Look
Encouraging to your poor Labourers in the wilderness.
I Fear that God is about to give up these poor Ignorant heathen
to walk after their own hearts, and cut them off
entirely from his
Earth; I think at present
there is Some concern amongst
these
Indians I would hope a Real concern, I hope that God is about to
carry
on his own work amongst us, and bring out Some of our Souls
from this darkness into his Marvelous Light. I am yet in the Gall
of bitterness and in the bond of Iniquity. I hope that God will yet
Enable me to See the
pride of my heart, and the great Sin of Unbelief
and the necessity I Stand in of Christ
Jesus, I believe that unless God be
pleased to open my Eyes that I may See the wickedness of my heart
I greatly fear I shall never Obtain
the One thing needful.
I desire the continuance of your prayers daily that God would
make and keep me humble minded and willing to Submit to
his will and pleasure
and to dispose of me as Seems good to him
and most for his own Glory and the furtherance of the Glorious
Redeemers Kingdom Here in this desert.
It seems as if I was in Some measure willing to devote my all to that
End. I have no Strange news to inform you of at present I steadily
attend the School, Such Times Excepted as when
Mr. kirtland wants
my assistance the Scholars are 5 in number at present they learn
very fast, I have Some hopes of having my School enlarged
in Number, but if not, I hope that it may increase in—
Knowledge. I will do all that lies in my power to teach
them in all thing I am capable of. I Live very
comfortable
upon the Indian fare, I Lack nothing but thankful
Heart. (as I wrote before.) I have had my health as usual
By the goodness of God, and I hope
Rev. Sir, that by the
Same goodness that you have had your Valuable health
as
usual
likewise. I would once more ask the continuance
of your prayers, that god keep me from pride,
from—
Ingratitude, from dishonouring his Great Name—
from all the Temptations of the Devil, and from all the
Temptations of my fellow Youth. that he would keep me
from
the lusts of the Eye, and the lusts of the flesh. and in Short from
Everything that is displeasing to him.
I must own and I think it my duty to confess now that
that I was wrong in my thoughts about that question
which
Mr. kirtland
asked me "do you think there is So
"great a difference Between me and
Mr. Wheelock,
I misunderstood him he Said that "do you think there is a
"greater Difference between you
and me, then there is between
"
Mr. Wheelock and me. it was last winter when I showed
my Reluctance in assisting him for his fire wood." He Said I
"would willingly take care of
Mr. Wheelock if he was up
"here.—I said So would I. Then his question came.
I have no more to write at this Time, Only
Rev. Sir;
I desire Still to be under your kind Direction in all
things that I undertake.
Rev. Sir. I should be glad of
a favour of a letter from you as I always have a desire
to hear from my kind and
honoured Benefactor.
PS. my humble Duty to
madam,
and
respects to all your worthy
Family. I have been in great
Hurry in this Letter
I dont know
as you can Read it.